The Night I Was Forced to Say the Right Answer 🔥4
It had been a while since I joined the company.
Coming in first thing in the morning to wipe down my desk.
Washing the ashtrays and returning them to their designated spots.
I had gradually gotten used to that daily routine.
However, my work was not going well.
I was never very quick on the uptake, and I lacked the foundational knowledge.
My work was slow, and my failures were overwhelmingly more frequent than my successes.
I knew full well that I wasn't doing a good job.
I also knew that everyone around me thought the same.
I felt ashamed and frustrated.
Even so, I kept hanging on every day.
────
Then, one day, I was approached by one of the few female employees in the company, "Mochino-san."
She was in charge of general affairs and had been with the company for a long time.
"Let's go get something to eat. My treat."
That was her invitation.
Mochino-san was the type of person who would call you out to scold you if you wore a brightly colored suit,
if your skirt was too short,
or if you came in wearing sandals—even if you worked in the office.
On the other hand, she herself would wear flashy animal-print sweaters
and munch on snacks at her desk.
Honestly, I don't really know if she was actually good at her job.
But it was certain that she managed general affairs and there was a lot of work that only she understood.
I was scared of Mochino-san.
To be honest, I didn't like her.
But I was happy to be invited.
Feeling like I had finally become a "working adult,"
I didn't think too deeply about it and followed her.
She took me to an izakaya near the office
that was known for its delicious seafood.
"This place is delicious. Order whatever you like. My treat."
Maybe she's a nice person after all.
For me, living alone and having no money,
the very fact that I was being taken out for a meal
was something to be grateful for.
I took a bite of the sea bream sashimi.
It was firm and delicious.
"Eat up, eat up."
Mochino-san encouraged me.
"Thank you. I'm so happy."
I kept putting the food into my mouth one after another.
Ah, it's delicious.
I felt happy.
────
Once we had finished eating, Mochino-san opened her mouth.
"Hey, hey, I want to ask you just one thing. There are a lot of people at our company, right?"
"Yes, that's right."
"Who do you think is the worst at their job among them?"
In that instant, my mind froze.
I already knew the answer.
I also understood in an instant what she was trying to say.
After a long silence,
I said, as if squeezing the words out:
"...Is it me?"
Mochino-san said while eating the sea bream sashimi.
"So you know that yourself. I'm relieved."
She continued, pressing the point.
"So, what are you going to do about it?"
I felt like crying.
—What would be the right answer to say?
It was true that I couldn't do my job well.
There were many things I was bad at.
But I felt like I was doing my absolute best.
Mochino-san's words and the feeling I had always had deep in my heart
fit together perfectly,
like puzzle pieces.
Ah, that's right.
I'm someone who can't do anything right.
My mother told me that, too.
My father told me that, too.
Mochino-san is saying the same thing.
I really am on the side of the failures.
As I looked down in silence,
Mochino-san continued.
"If you're no good, there are still things you can do in your own way, right? You understand that you have to work 100 times harder than others, don't you?"
She wasn't angry.
She didn't seem to be scolding me either.
She was just giving advice as a senior.
That was the look on her face.
I put down my chopsticks.
I didn't feel like eating anything else.
It felt like I had been completely uprooted—
that was the sensation.
Had my work performance
become a problem within the company?
Do they all think of me that way?
That I am a "burden."
I made my way home slowly.
And from here on,
little by little, little by little,
I would start to "break down" in a different sense.
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🫧Me in this form
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