[The Emotional Box] Shedding Guilt and Victim Mentality to Take the Wheel of Life

I will live as 'me'.

It was a few years ago that I made that decision.

Since then, I have taken on unfamiliar challenges, and through them, I have also discovered my own smallness.

Since I started writing on note, the feeling of living as 'me' has grown stronger again.

It is a feeling that wells up from within.

However, just as I had been pretending not to see who the frustration and anger welling up from the depths of my heart were directed at, I think I had not deeply considered what that meant.

Simply choosing and savoring what makes me comfortable, what I want to do, what I want to eat, and my free time.
Cherishing myself.

Is that what it means to live as 'me'?

I had a lot of guilt and victim mentality.

They subtly overlapped, clinging to me and saying, 'You need us.'

'I don't need you anymore!'

Even though I am screaming that in my heart, before I know it, I am wearing the clothes of guilt and the mask of victim mentality. Realizing that about myself, I would drop my shoulders again.

Even though I should have taken them off, peeled them away, and thrown them away, I feel that I might need them again someday, so I keep clutching the edges and cannot let go.

If I am a victim, people will be kind to me.
If I have guilt, I don't have to move from where I am.

Why am I clutching onto such things so dearly?

'I want to change', I think, but there is a me that is holding me back.

If I let go of the 'poor me' that comes with a victim mentality, I can no longer blame someone else.

If I stop 'attacking myself' with guilt, I have no choice but to stand up and start moving on my own.

Taking the wheel myself, traveling the roads I like, and going to the places I want to go.

'I' will live as me

The moment I decide, I become free.
360 degrees become a path I can travel.

I am stunned by the vastness and want to look for clothes or masks to hide myself.

Taking responsibility for my own life—am I afraid of that?

I thought I was a responsible person.

I do what I am supposed to do.
I do exactly what I am told.

That was more about work entrusted to me by others than thinking for myself.
'Evaluation'—perhaps it was a sense of responsibility toward that.

In a world without anyone's evaluation, I take the wheel myself, and even if I get lost or hit a dead end, I will not blame anyone else.
I am trying to go to a world where no one will pull me up even if I cry because I cannot move. I want to believe that I have already taken that step.

I have blamed others enough, and I have been pulled up by kind people enough.

In a world that feels free, vast, and lonely, how will I live?

I know there are things that can only be seen there.

I want to go meet the people I have always wanted to catch up to,not as the 'poor me'but as someone else.

I want to drive myself to go see the people who are important to me.

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