I never realized how much I could see about myself just by changing my perspective

Going back home is just a change of location, so
why does it make me see so much of my 'inner self'?

This time, there was a death in my husband's family, so
my husband, our youngest child, and I went back home together.

It was only for a few days, but
it felt like a very intense period of time.

First, there's my youngest son.

Until now, when it came to carrying luggage or preparing for travel,
or interacting with relatives,
I could just follow someone else.

But this time was different.

His parents were busy,
and there were no older siblings to rely on.

Even when relatives he didn't know spoke to him,
he had to handle it himself.

After spending a few days like that, he muttered,

'I guess I really am the youngest child...'

It seemed he realized that inside the version of himself he thought was a bit more grown-up,
there was still a part of him that was dependent.

And then, when I looked over, my husband is also the youngest child.

Watching his older sister take charge and move things along among the relatives,

I found myself naturally thinking,

'What can I do to make things easier for her?'
But he didn't seem to have that thought process at all 😓

But you know, I was the same way.

The moment I returned to my parents' house,
I wasn't a 'mother or wife' anymore,
I had completely reverted to being a 'daughter and younger sister'.

When my parents said something to me, it really hit home 😅

I thought I had it all together,
but that was just a misunderstanding (lol)

I can see things about others, but I can't seem to see things about myself.
Every time that happens, I ask myself,

"What do I want to do?"
"What should I do?"
I kept re-questioning myself.

It felt like the three of us were all stumbling over the same things.

On the other hand, the eldest son and eldest daughter who stayed at home.

Living just the two of them,
they naturally divided their roles,

and it seems they each realized,
"Oh, so this is the type of person I am."

The sister, busy with university gatherings and part-time work,
tended to put housework on the back burner,

and she realized,
"This might be what it's like if I live alone."

Meanwhile, the brother, busy with spring courses and driving school, was
during his classes

"What should I make for dinner tonight? I forgot to check the fridge..."

He seemed to have his mind completely occupied with food (laughs).

He was in full working-mom mode.

He seemed convinced himself that he's the type who would cook for himself even if he lived alone.

Since there was no one to wake him up in the morning,
he completely turned around his life of playing games until late at night,
and started going to bed at 11 PM.

Even though we're the same family,
I realized how much things change just by being in a different situation.

Even though it was only a few days,
it felt like everyone grew up just a little bit.

And I did, too.

I had been holding myself back somewhere, thinking,
"I shouldn't leave the kids behind and go out,"

but surprisingly, things work out even when I'm not there,
and the kids manage just fine.

By being able to think that way,
there was something I was able to let go of.

When your role changes,
the version of yourself you see changes too.

I feel like this trip home
taught me exactly that.

When you found yourself in a different position than usual,
what kind of self did you discover?

👇For those reading for the first time,
start here.

Click here for a list of shrine articles.

💛 This is the Self-Praise series.

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#Realization
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