The Boundaries I Set to Avoid Being Overwhelmed by Last-Minute Evening Requests

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Working as a functional training instructor at a special nursing home, I find that the closer it gets to the evening, the more I get called.

Reports that someone's posture during a meal has collapsed. Checking positioning. Notifications that the Nemuri Scan Wi-Fi has disconnected. Instructions from my supervisor regarding paperwork. Sudden requests from individual nurses.

For support staff, the evening is the most draining time of the day. The decisions piled up since the morning, interactions with residents, and communication between various professions. As someone with an HSP temperament, I go through my workday absorbing all of that more deeply than others.

That is why a sudden request that comes in the evening is not just an additional task. It feels like having something more piled onto a state that is already completely exhausted.

Today, I would like to write honestly about how I actually make decisions in those situations.

Evening requests: My criteria for judgment are the "content," the "person," and "my own schedule."

To be honest, I don't often make decisions based on "I'm tired, so I'll refuse."

Rather than whether I am exhausted or not, I often make decisions based on these three things.

The first is content. Does it directly affect someone's life, and is it something that only I can do?

For example, regarding posture during meals, I often go to check it if I consider the risk of aspiration. This is because continuing to eat with poor posture could lead to choking. I judge this to be a task for me today.

Positioning is a bit different. Even if a check is necessary from the perspective of the presence of pressure ulcers or prevention, it can often be pushed to the next day. If the risk of a sudden change in condition overnight is low, I tell them, "I will go check it tomorrow morning."

Honestly, Wi-Fi connection troubles with the Nemuri Scan can often be resolved if the night shift staff just goes to do their rounds. But as a reality of a workplace where many staff members are not tech-savvy, I end up getting called. For requests like this, I try to pause and think about whether it is something only I can do.

The second is the person. Requests from the board chair or the manager are often prioritized after confirming the deadline. However, I always confirm whether it is "right now" or "by when." If it is a document with a deadline, I work at a pace to finish it a little before that.

When I am asked directly by individual nurses, I judge each case based on the content and urgency. Since they often ask me individually without going through a leader, depending on the content, I sometimes reply, "Could you please have the leader check this first?"

The third is my own schedule.

This might be the most honest part. If I have the next day off, I find myself accepting more requests because of the feeling that "I want to finish my homework today." It is the sense that since I cannot hand it over the next day, I want to clear it up today.

Conversely, if I am working the next day, I have the leeway to push it to the next morning. Since I try to get my paperwork done to some extent earlier in the day rather than in the evening, it is easier for me to have the option to push it to a later date.

Ask separately for "right now," "by the end of the day," and "by when."

What drains me the most with evening requests is the pattern where "a request that looks urgent is actually not urgent at all."

When approached by someone who seems flustered, HSPs tend to absorb that emotional pressure as well. Because of this, we are easily pulled into the atmosphere of 'this is urgent' and tend to respond in a rush.

However, when I take a moment to confirm calmly, it is not uncommon to find that it didn't need to be done 'right now,' but rather 'by the end of the day,' or that 'tomorrow would have been fine too.'

That is why I try to think about these three things separately whenever I receive a request.

Is this a task that requires immediate attention? Is it a task that can wait until the end of the day? If there is a deadline, when is it?

Just by clarifying these three points, the anxiety I feel toward evening requests is significantly eased.

How to compensate for decision-making when performance is low

To be honest, my performance in the evening is definitely lower than it is in the morning.

People with HSP traits continue to absorb the emotions of others and the atmosphere of the room throughout the day. By evening, that accumulation takes its toll. My judgment and concentration are not the same as they were in the morning.

That is precisely why I try to compensate for evening decision-making with a 'system.'

The three axes of content, the person involved, and the schedule can be applied mechanically even when I am tired. By judging based on criteria rather than feelings, it becomes easier to make appropriate decisions even when I am exhausted.

If you keep accepting requests based on the feeling that it's 'somehow hard to say no,' the exhaustion after work will double. If you take home all the requests piled up in the evening, that weight will continue even after you get home.

The kinder you are, the more guilt you feel about saying no. But I would like you to ask yourself once, 'Can I provide high-quality support for this in my current state?' If the answer is 'it's difficult,' I believe that is a sufficient reason to decline.

Finally

What I do to avoid being drained by last-minute evening requests is simple.

I look at the content to confirm if it is life-critical and if it is something only I can do. I look at the person involved to confirm the priority and deadline. I look at my own schedule to decide whether it should be done today or if tomorrow is fine.

None of this is special. But just by having these axes, the way I feel drained in the evening changes significantly.

It is not just because we are exhausted that HSP support workers are easily drained in the evening. It is because the feeling of 'I would feel bad if I said no' comes before our judgment.

By having decision-making criteria in place beforehand, it becomes harder to be swayed by those feelings.

There is surely a way to remain kind without being drained.

Occupational Therapist, 16th year | Special Nursing Home/Unit Care | Former Dementia Care Instructor | HSP/ISFJ

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