I didn't call out to him. To him, who was with me from elementary school until my first year of working.🌿

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A few days ago.

It was my child's elementary school summer festival.

As I was walking between the stalls, holding my daughter's hand.

Suddenly, our eyes met.

It was only for a moment.

But I knew.

It was him.

From elementary school, through junior high, high school practice matches, and university, and then—until my first year of working.

He was the person I had spent the longest time of my life beside.

🏫 Up until a certain point, we were best friends

To be honest, I loved him.

When we were in elementary school, we were on the same dodgeball team.

We used to go back and forth between each other's houses.

In junior high, we were both in the tennis club.

He was the captain, and I was one of the team members.

We went to different high schools, but since they were nearby, we had practice matches and even took tennis lessons together outside of school.

University was in the next prefecture over.

This was truly a coincidence; we both applied to the same place and both got in.

I don't even remember us discussing our career paths.

And yet, we were together again.

We often ate lunch together, too.

——Up to this point, it's a nice story.

Childhood friends who have walked the same path all along.

A story of straightforward friendship, like something out of a drama.

But, it was from here that our relationship changed.

🌫️ The national exam and the same workplace

The end of university.

I failed the national exam.

He passed.

Even so, our start as working adults was together again.

He had chosen the same workplace to match me.

Thinking about it now, I can understand those feelings.

It's more reassuring to have a friend than to enter the workforce alone.

We could push each other to improve.

I'm sure that's what he thought.

Both of us were hired.

But that one year at that workplace...

For me, it became more than enough time to stop believing in people.

🥀 Help did not come

In my first year, as an assistant, I
suffered quite a bit of power harassment.

I wrote about that story in another article.

So, I won't write about it in detail here.

However, back then, I was being worn down every single day.

And, right next to me, he was there.

He was at the same workplace.

But, no help came.

He was also in his first year.

Of course, he had no room to spare.

I knew that in my head.

But, somewhere in my heart, I think I was waiting.

Thinking that if it were him, who had known me the longest, he might.

He probably knew.

That if he helped me, the sparks
would fall on him too.

So, he didn't move.

I left that workplace without ever knowing his true intentions.

📱 7 years ago, I got the answers just once

After that, there was one time
I met with him.

Seven years ago from now.

When my child was still 0 or 1 year old.

Let's meet up after all this time, he said.

He invited me once, via LINE.

I was very hesitant.

But—I thought, if it's just meeting up, that should be fine.

And when we met, he spoke about that one year like this.

—It was almost the same answer as what I had been feeling all along.

Strangely, I felt a little relieved.

Ah, so that's how it really was, I thought.

He was just doing his best in his own way, I realized.

The hard feelings had certainly unraveled.

But.

🍃 Even so, he was no longer the "him from back then".

I should have been able to move on.

I had even gotten the answers I needed.

I no longer have any desire to blame him.

And yet.

The person in front of me was no longer
the "him" I used to play with as a child.

I can't explain it well.

It's not that I've come to dislike him.

It's not that I hold a grudge.

It's just that he, the one I used to visit at home and play dodgeball with,
is no longer there in my mind.

That fact alone remained, quietly.

I heard that he quit around his fifth year as an OT and is working somewhere else.

That is all I know.

I know nothing about what happened after that.

👨‍👧 And then, at the summer festival, our eyes met.

So, a few days ago.

When our eyes met for a split second at the summer festival,

I hesitated for about three minutes.

Should I call out to him? What should I do?

I think he probably noticed me, too.

He was with his child as well.

Perhaps it was a child one year younger than my daughter.

When we met seven years ago, he said he had just gotten married.

If I calculate backward, it is entirely possible.

But I did not call out to him.

There are a few reasons for that.

It had been seven years, and I wasn't entirely sure.

I didn't want to disturb his family time.

That we were both there with our daughters.

And—this is an elementary school summer festival, and the star of the show is my daughter.

I am merely a supporting character, just following my daughter around.

But the deepest reason was probably this.

Perhaps I no longer think of him as a friend.

🎪 The haunted house we came out of without crying

After I didn't call out to him.

Honestly, an indescribable feeling remained inside me.

A sense of satisfaction that this was for the best.

But also, a slight sense of loneliness.

A feeling that I couldn't quite put into words, where both were mixed together.

But I quietly tucked that away, only in my heart.

After all, today is my daughter's event.

It's not a story about my past.

Thinking that, I took my daughter's hand again and started walking.

Come to think of it.

The haunted house that she came out of crying so much last year, saying it was 'scary, scary'.

This year, she went in with me and came out without crying.

In just one year, my daughter has moved forward this much.

—While I am still holding onto the events of seven years ago somewhere in my heart.

🌙 Epilogue—Choosing not to go back

I used to think.

That relationships that have drifted apart should, someday, be properly restored.
That they should be put back the way they were.

Resolve the hard feelings. Clear up the misunderstandings.
Just like in the old days.

But now, it's a little different.

I've been able to find my answers.

I've even been able to forgive him.

Even so, I won't go back to the way things were.

It's okay not to go back.

Without forcing a return, I'll gently tuck it away on a shelf in my heart.

I think there is a way to put relationships away like that.

I don't regret
not calling out to him.

But to say I felt nothing at all
would be a lie.

While carrying all of that unresolved feeling with me.

Today, too, I take my daughter's hand and walk forward.

Just as he is walking his own life.

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