Why Are We Lonely? [Part 4] Practical Application: Designing a New Way of 'Being Together'
Recap of the previous session: We confirmed the limitations of the pseudo-connections provided by the market and observed the emergence of new forms of community, such as selective affinity and project-based collaboration. Finding a new balance between individual freedom and community requires both changes in institutional design and conscious individual effort.
Design Principles for Modern Community—What Creates 'Authentic Relationships'?
The Principle of Reciprocity: The Cycle of Giving, Receiving, and Returning
The most important principle in designing a new community is 'reciprocity.' As anthropologist Marcel Mauss demonstrated in 'The Gift,' the foundation of human relationships lies in the cycle of giving, receiving, and returning (Mauss, 1925).
The sense of relational thinness that many people feel in modern society stems from this lack of reciprocity. On social media, you give 'likes' but receive nothing in return. In the service industry, you receive but do not give. In the workplace, competition outweighs cooperation. True bonds cannot be formed in such one-way relationships.
True reciprocity does not necessarily mean equivalent exchange. What is important is that everyone in the relationship contributes in some way and benefits in some way. In a parenting support group, you might be the one being helped today, but tomorrow you will be the one helping. This fluidity of roles creates an egalitarian relationship.
Ensuring Continuity: From One-Off to Sustainable Relationships
One reason why many modern 'connections' remain superficial is the lack of continuity. Encounters at events, collaborations on projects, and online interactions often end as temporary contacts, leaving little opportunity to develop deep relationships.
To ensure continuity, mechanisms for regular contact are necessary. Monthly meetings, seasonal events, and daily online interactions. The frequency should be neither too high nor too low. It is important to find an appropriate rhythm that maintains the relationship without becoming a burden on the participants.
Furthermore, continuity is born not only from physical contact but also from the accumulation of shared memories and experiences. The experience of overcoming difficulties together and the memory of sharing joy. These shared experiences bring depth and stability to relationships.
Inclusion of Diversity: Avoiding the Trap of Homogeneity
A problem that modern communities often fall into is that the participants are too homogeneous. When only people with similar backgrounds, values, and economic situations gather, internal cohesion becomes strong, but the disconnection from the outside also deepens.
A truly rich community embraces diversity. People of different ages, genders, occupations, economic statuses, and values gather under a common purpose or interest. This diversity sometimes creates friction and conflict, but by overcoming them, stronger and more creative relationships are born.
To embrace diversity, conscious effort is required. Setting times and places that are easy to participate in, reducing economic burdens, and being tolerant of different opinions and values. It is necessary to identify the mechanisms of exclusion and devise ways to remove them.
Possibility of refutation: However, excessive diversity can lead to a lack of a common foundation and weaken the cohesion of the community. A balance between moderate homogeneity and diversity is important.
One-sentence summary: Three principles are essential for the design of a new community: reciprocity, continuity, and the inclusion of diversity.
Preview of the next section: Based on these principles, what kind of places and mechanisms should we specifically create?
Practical Place-Making: Creating a Modern Version of 'Yui'
Practice at the local level: A new form of neighborhood association
As a new form of community at the local level, 'loose neighborhood associations' are attracting attention. It is a mechanism that does not require the total commitment of traditional neighborhood associations, allowing participants to engage at their own pace.
The 'Odekake Hiroba' (Outing Plaza) in Setagaya Ward, Tokyo, is a prime example. It creates a place in the community where parents raising children can easily drop by to discuss parenting concerns or let their children play together. Operations are handled by local volunteers, and users also cooperate with operations as much as they can.
What is important is to build relationships where people 'see each other daily,' rather than relationships where they 'rely on each other only when in trouble.' It is precisely because there is a relationship of exchanging greetings and having small conversations on a regular basis that people can ask for help when they are truly in trouble.
Furthermore, 'digital neighborhood associations' utilizing regional social media and apps are spreading. They transcend physical distance and time constraints to share local information and provide mutual support. They are realizing traditional neighborhood association functions more efficiently, such as safety confirmation during disasters, watching over children, and shopping support for the elderly.
Practice at the Workplace Level: Beyond Psychological Safety
The concept of 'psychological safety' is attracting attention as a new form of togetherness in the workplace. Proposed by Amy Edmondson, this concept refers to an environment where team members can speak and act with peace of mind (Edmondson, 1999).
However, psychological safety alone is insufficient. Even if there is a safe environment, true togetherness will not emerge without reciprocity and continuity. What is important is to build deeper relationships based on psychological safety.
One method is to institutionalize collaboration in pairs, such as 'pair programming' or a 'buddy system.' This creates a relationship where people understand each other's strengths and weaknesses and complement one another. This relationship not only increases work efficiency but also becomes the foundation for human trust.
Informal opportunities for interaction, such as 'lunch meetings' or 'drinking parties,' are also important. However, it is necessary to devise ways to rotate the planning duties and allow for diverse forms of participation, rather than forcing attendance or having only specific people do the planning.
Practice Online: 'Warmth' in Digital Spaces
Even in online communities, deep relationships can be built with a little ingenuity. The key is to design them as places for personal interaction, not just as places for simple information exchange.
Utilize tools like 'Slack' or 'Discord' to create theme-based channels. Create an environment that allows for multifaceted interaction, including not just work talk, but also hobbies, family, and daily events. Regular online drinking parties or game tournaments can also be opportunities to deepen relationships.
What is important is to combine online and offline. Interact online on a regular basis and meet offline occasionally. Through this combination, you can build deep relationships while leveraging the advantages of each.
Possibility of Counter-evidence: However, these practices depend heavily on the spontaneity of the participants and are not necessarily effective for everyone. There are also issues regarding the burden of operation and sustainability.
One-sentence Summary: Practices for creating new spaces that emphasize reciprocity and continuity are spreading in local communities, workplaces, and online.
Next Section Preview: However, there are limits to practices at the individual level. Reform at the social system level is also necessary.
Innovation in Institutional Design: Social Systems Supporting Togetherness
Redesigning Labor Systems: Balancing Fluidity and Stability
Modern labor systems need to break away from the 20th-century model based on lifetime employment. However, complete fluidization leads to the destabilization of workers. What is required is a new model that balances fluidity and stability.
One direction is the introduction of 'portable benefits.' Benefits such as social insurance and retirement money are tied to the individual rather than a specific company. This allows benefits to continue even after changing jobs or becoming independent, increasing the fluidity of workers.
Cooperative-style work methods, such as 'workers' co-ops,' are also attracting attention. This is an organizational form where workers are both investors and managers, characterized by democratic decision-making and fair distribution of profits. It emphasizes cooperation over competition and realizes a sustainable way of working.
Furthermore, through "job sharing" and "work sharing," we can reduce working hours per person and provide more people with the opportunity to work. This leads not only to the stabilization of employment but also to improvements in work-life balance.
Innovation in Social Security Systems: From Individual-Based to Relationship-Based
The current social security system is designed with the individual or the nuclear family as the unit. However, due to the diversification of family structures and the increase in single-person households, this premise no longer aligns with reality.
In a new social security system, we need a mechanism to recognize "care relationships" that are not limited to blood ties. This would institutionally support diverse relationships, such as same-sex partners, common-law marriages, and mutual aid among friends.
Additionally, through systems like "Universal Basic Income" or "Negative Income Tax," we can provide a minimum standard of living for everyone. This will allow people, freed from economic anxiety, to choose their relationships more freely.
At the local level, we can build mutual aid systems that do not rely on money, such as "local currencies" or "time banks." This gives value to care labor that is difficult to evaluate in the market, such as keeping elderly people company, picking up children, or helping with housework.
Reform of the Education System: From Competition to Collaboration
The current education system focuses on improving individual competitiveness. However, in the society of the future, the ability to collaborate with others will become more important. The education system must also adapt to this change.
Through "collaborative learning" and "project-based learning," we can increase opportunities for students to work together on tasks. "Vertical integration education" and "exchange learning," where students of different grades or schools learn together, also deepen the understanding of diversity.
Furthermore, through "community service learning," we can provide opportunities for students to participate in solving local issues. By engaging in actual social contributions, such as activities at elderly care facilities, environmental protection efforts, and the planning and operation of local events, they can learn the value of community through experience.
Additionally, through "social-emotional learning," we can systematically teach the understanding of emotions and interpersonal skills. This fosters the ability to understand one's own emotions, empathize with the emotions of others, and build constructive relationships.
Possibility of Counter-argument: However, institutional reform takes time, and coordination with vested interests is necessary. Also, not all institutional reforms will necessarily produce the intended effects.
One-sentence Summary: By shifting labor, social security, and education systems from individualism to a focus on relationships, we can institutionally support a new sense of community.
Next Section Preview: In parallel with institutional reform, we also need to change our individual consciousness and behavior.
Individual Practical Guidelines: A Revolution in Relationships Starting from Daily Life
Mindset Shift: From Possession to Relationship
To practice a new sense of community, we must first shift our own mindsets. The most important shift is a change in values from "possession" to "relationship."
In modern society, many people place value on "having." High annual income, a grand house, brand-name goods, academic background, and qualifications. We measure our own worth through these "possessions" and compare ourselves with others.
However, true richness lies in "relationships." Reliable friends, supportive family, colleagues with whom one can collaborate, and local people who can help each other. These relationships are the most important factors that determine the quality of life.
This shift begins with small choices in daily life. Instead of eating alone at an expensive restaurant, share a home-cooked meal with a friend. Instead of buying the latest gadget, participate in a local event. Instead of collecting "likes" on social media, cherish conversations with the people around you.
Improving Communication Skills: Listening, Empathizing, and Supporting
To deepen relationships, improving communication skills is essential. Particularly important are the three skills of "listening," "empathizing," and "supporting."
The "listening" skill involves listening earnestly to what the other person has to say. Instead of looking at your smartphone or thinking about what to say next, focus on the other person's words and emotions. It is important to have an attitude of trying to deeply understand the other person's thoughts through questions.
The "empathizing" skill involves understanding the other person's emotions and being close to them. Acknowledge their feelings with words like, "That must have been hard," or "You must have been happy." Instead of rushing to offer advice or solutions, first empathize with their feelings.
The "supporting" skill involves providing appropriate assistance when the other person faces difficulties. Not only physical support but also emotional support is important. Words like, "Please let me know if there is anything I can do," combined with the willingness to actually take action, deepen the relationship.
Revisiting How We Use Time: From Efficiency to Relationships
Many modern people place value on using time "efficiently." They gather information on their smartphones during commutes, shorten meal times, and keep conversations to the point. They try to streamline everything and maximize "productive" time.
However, building relationships requires "inefficient" time. Meaningless small talk, taking a walk while taking the long way around, and slow meals. These moments that appear to be a "waste" are precious opportunities to deepen human relationships.
To revisit how you use your time, it is important to consciously incorporate "relationship time" into your schedule. Talk to a friend for a long time once a week, have a slow meal with your family once a month, or participate in local events each season. Position this time as an "investment."
Vulnerability Disclosure: From Perfection to Humanity
To build deep relationships, it is important to appropriately disclose your own vulnerability. Instead of continuing to act as a perfect version of yourself, show your humanity, including your weaknesses and worries.
This does not mean "telling everything." Disclose yourself at an appropriate level depending on the depth of the relationship and the level of trust with the other person. Share light worries in superficial relationships, and important worries in deep relationships.
Vulnerability disclosure creates reciprocity. By showing your own weaknesses, the other person can also feel safe enough to show theirs. This mutual disclosure develops the relationship from a superficial level to a deep one.
Possibility of Counter-argument: However, there are limits to individual effort alone. If the values and systems of society as a whole do not change, individual practices may be difficult to sustain.
One-sentence Summary: At the individual level, it is important to shift values from possession to relationships, improve communication skills, revisit how time is used, and appropriately disclose vulnerability.
Conclusion: The Path to a New Society of 'Being Together'
Signs of Change and Grounds for Hope
Looking at modern society, the problems of loneliness and division are indeed serious. However, at the same time, signs of hope for a new sense of community are also emerging.
Centered on the younger generation, values that prioritize the richness of relationships over material wealth are spreading. Sharing economies, co-working spaces, and participation in local communities—these movements are expressions of a desire for a new form of community.
In companies as well, "purpose-driven management," which emphasizes the creation of social value rather than just profit maximization, is attracting attention. More companies are aiming for sustainable management by prioritizing employee happiness and contributions to society.
In the political sphere as well, experiments in 'participatory democracy' and 'deliberative democracy' are being conducted in various places. Initiatives where citizens participate directly in policy-making and seek to build consensus through dialogue are spreading.
A Vision for Long-Term Social Transformation
A society based on a new sense of community will not be realized overnight. However, it is possible to advance transformation in stages with a long-term vision.
In the first stage, we will accumulate new practices within the framework of current systems. Revitalizing local communities, improving relationships in the workplace, and authentic interaction online. These grassroots activities will create the foundation for transformation.
In the second stage, we will advance institutional reform. Through reforms in labor systems, social security systems, and educational systems, we will institutionally support this new sense of community. At this stage, political consensus-building and social debate become important.
In the third stage, new values will permeate society as a whole, and a culture that emphasizes community will take root. A society that values cooperation over competition, relationships over ownership, and humanity over efficiency will be realized.
The Role of Each of Us
In this transformation, the role of each one of us is critically important. Instead of waiting for society to change, we must become the agents of change ourselves.
In our daily lives, we must cherish our relationships with others. If someone is in trouble, we should reach out, and when we are in trouble, we should honestly ask for help. Instead of playing the role of a perfect person, we should accept ourselves, including our human weaknesses, and show the same tolerance to others.
Also, we should actively participate in new forms of community and apply what we learn there in other situations. We must continue to make efforts to deepen relationships in the workplace, at home, and in our local communities.
Furthermore, we should take an interest in the reform of social systems and participate in political and social activities to the extent possible. Voting in elections, submitting public comments, and participating in civic activities. As agents of democracy, we contribute to the transformation of society.
Modern loneliness is certainly a serious problem. However, it is also a turning point toward a new sense of community. The shape of the future society will be determined by the choices we make and the actions we take.
The small changes made by each individual will eventually lead to a major transformation of society as a whole. The realization of a new society of 'being together' is by no means an impossible dream. It is a realistic possibility within our grasp.
Next time preview: In Part 5, we will examine what results the practice of this new sense of community is achieving through specific case studies. What can we learn from advanced examples both in Japan and abroad?