"Let Me Help"—What Remains in the Heart Even When Memories Fade

This is a story about an elderly female patient I met when I used to work in a dementia ward. She had short-term memory impairment, and within minutes of having a conversation, she would forget what we had talked about. Even so, she was a very charming person who always kept a smile on her face.

Her catchphrase was, "Let me help." Perhaps it was because she had run a business in the past, but whenever she saw the staff working, she couldn't sit still and felt an urge to help out.

At my workplace, we generally do not ask patients to perform tasks. However, her desire to "do something" grew stronger with each passing day. Even when I told her, "We don't need any help today," she would gradually become grumpy and upset.

So, I discussed it with the nurse in charge, and we decided to have her help us with folding towels, which was part of the assistant's duties at the time. We made it a point to ask her, saying, "We're short-handed right now and having trouble. Could you help us?"

When we did that, she would show a lively expression and say, "I'll help with anything!" She would start working with the staff, but after about three minutes, she would wander off. Then, after walking around the ward and coming back, she would ask again, "What are you doing? Let me help." We would ask her to help again, and she would resume the work... This cycle repeated many times throughout the day.

Even if the folded towels were misshapen or inside out, we never asked her to redo them or scolded her. We made sure to place value on the act of her "folding them" itself.

The staff took turns overseeing this task, and as we continued it every day, it became something like a reason for living for her. When the work was finished, we would tell her with a smile, "Thank you so much for your help; it was a real lifesaver."

It is said that even with severe dementia, the desire and emotion to "want to be useful to someone" or "want to move one's body" remain firmly intact. And it seems that positive emotions, such as "being thanked" or "being welcomed," stay in the heart for a long time.

When one develops dementia, the number of things they can no longer do increases.

Even so, the feeling of "wanting to be useful to someone" does not disappear.

That patient, who asked me to "let her help" so many times that day, taught me that.

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🌸 Today marks my 40th article.

To everyone who always reads my posts, thank you so much.

I am always encouraged by your "likes" and comments.

I would like to continue to carefully share, one by one, the things I have learned in the field of psychiatry and the important lessons I have been taught by my patients.

I look forward to your continued support.