[Attachment Disorder, Depression, AC] The Reason Why the More You Try to Be Loved, the Less You Are Loved

It could be said that people with trauma live in a unique world.

People with trauma are serious. They live honestly, without duplicity, and purely. They do not know that the people of the world are not as serious as they are, and do not live honestly, without duplicity, and purely. In truth, the world may seem harsh, but it is not necessarily so. I think they do not understand that aspect.

The first time I was taught that the world keeps turning even if you are sloppy and casual was after I started working. It was thirty years ago, in Showa-era Osaka.

At the workplace, we covered each other's weaknesses and helped each other with work, and my seniors even taught me how to slack off and how to make good excuses when I was late. Until then, I did not know that people in the world were not that serious and lived by being flexible.

As for me, I was unsophisticated, clumsy, and someone who could not rely on anyone. I did not have the interpersonal skills to handle things efficiently, nor did I know how to skillfully rely on others to get my requests met. I think people with trauma live at a disadvantage.

From my perspective, I thought it was unfair that selfish people were well-liked. In the end, it seems that being someone who can assert themselves and is easy for those around them to understand is more trusted, and it also makes those watching feel at ease.

Because "good people" have no opinions of their own, they are seen as people whose thoughts are unknown, which leads to poor adaptation to their surroundings and being bullied; there is no benefit to it.

The small talk continues.

People with trauma are pessimistic. They interpret the world as a bad place, but that is because they are only looking at a part of the world, and that is a great waste.

Because they live harshly, they do not know that the world is kind, tolerant, full of compassion, and helpful.

Having said that, the world is certainly not perfect; unfortunately, it contains bad parts, and there are bad people. It is unfortunate, but this is the truth.

Therefore, the truth is that while basically trusting the world, you must run away if a bad person comes along.

Healthy people accept both the pure and the impure, and can still believe that this world is worth living in.

However, for people with trauma, the parent who gave birth to and raised them was a bad person. They were a bad person who hurt you and made your life dark. The parent you met at the very beginning of your life was, unfortunately, a bad person.

For a small child, parents and the world are equal, so they have developed the perception that the world is a bad thing that hurts them. Others and the world have become enemies that can never be trusted.

It is too much of a waste to end your life without being able to believe in love or friendship, and without knowing the joys and pleasures of life because of trauma. I think there is a handicap compared to healthy people. This is because the sensitivity to taste and cherish life as something beautiful is impaired from the start.

I have digressed.

What is the reason why "the more you try to be loved, the less you are loved"? If you become a "good person" and even sacrifice yourself to desperately try to gain love, what will happen?

Then, cunning people who want to use you will approach you, and you will be hurt or exploited; there is no good in it. In other words, people who drain your energy will gather around you, and a codependent relationship will occur.

Being passive and a weak person with no opinions of your own means you are devaluing yourself. The real you might be an impactful presence with influence on those around you, not such a person.

You sometimes see that serious and correct people do not become happy, while people who do not seem correct or good become happy, right? What is the difference?

It is that they do not blame themselves. In other words, people who become happy do not doubt for a second that they deserve to be loved. On the other hand, the reason serious and correct people do not become happy is that they have a default setting that they will not be loved.

Therefore, the actions you take to try to be loved are, sadly, completely useless. Things wished for out of a sense of lack will not be fulfilled.

In the first place, people who are loved do not worry about what others think. Because there is no need to worry.

People who try to be loved have self-distrust and distrust of others. What is needed to be able to think that the world is not a bad place, that you are not that bad yourself, and that both the world and you are good things?

Weren't you a child who over-adapted in order to be loved? If you look at the parent-child relationship in your childhood, you will find the very first event of the emotions that are happening here and now.

And you will come to realize that you were a person who deserved to be loved from the beginning, with nothing lacking.

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