The Story of a Golden Week When I Stopped Trying So Hard and My Family's Gears Started Turning

Even though the world calls it 'Golden Week,' I am basically operating as usual.

U-turn traffic jams?
Dozens of kilometers of congestion?
...What is that? Is it edible? That's my attitude.
No, wait,
#WhatAreYouTalkingAbout
is what I mean.

Since my workplace is a manufacturer that operates year-round, well, it can't be helped.

Because we work in shifts and have to consider other members, I live a life almost entirely unrelated to terms like 'long holiday.'

That has been the case ever since I first started working as an adult.

At first, I felt a bit unaccustomed to it, but I am someone who absolutely hates crowds to begin with.

I don't have the slightest desire to go out when people are swarming everywhere, so I spent those times without much trouble.

However, once I had children, that wasn't the case anymore.

A version of myself that felt like a proper mother was born, thinking things like, 'I want to create memories for my family.'

I took them to movies and science museums.
Even during the time my children were refusing to go to school, we would head out to distant places in a camper van.

I wanted to have experiences as a family that were as far from our daily routine as possible.

Of course, I also thought it was essential to return to the countryside to let them see their grandchildren's faces.

I would adjust my time off as much as possible, go to the countryside with my children and husband, and then commute to work from there, which took two hours...

Since I am the only one whose sense of holidays is out of sync with the rest of the world, I figured if I just tried hard enough, I could manage the schedule.

That is how I somehow managed to make ends meet.

'It's so sad that you have to work at a time like this!'
'...Yeah, well...'

Even though conversations like that were repeated every year, I think I tried quite hard, if I do say so myself. Yeah.

Now that my children have grown up, their own worlds are becoming more intense.

This Golden Week, my eldest son decided to join his college friends at something called a "festival," so he was away from home for a few days.

My second son is, as always, glued to his best friends from the neighborhood almost every day.
I'm sure they must have been parent and child or siblings in a past life.

My husband has returned from his solo posting for an extended period, and he's been spending his time going out for drinks with hobby friends he met at a nearby beach or visiting his parents' home.

Since I had a mental breakdown three years ago, I've tried to avoid pushing myself to run around long distances as much as possible, and I've been spending my time almost as I usually do.

This is fine as it is.
It's not bad.
Everyone is enjoying what they want to do without pushing themselves.

That said...
It is also a fact that I feel a slight sense of loneliness.

Even though we have the rare chance for the whole family to be together.
Even though days like this won't last for many more years.

I wonder if my feelings were transmitted to them.

This year, it was as if every member of the family sensed this "slight loneliness," and they began to carefully coordinate the timing of when we would be together.

I think one reason is that because one family member is living away for work, everyone has started to value the times when we are all together.

Before, I was the one desperately trying to make it work, but...
Thanks to them, it's a big help.

***

One day, we decided to go to a ramen shop at a newly opened shopping mall in the neighborhood.

It's a place where it takes more time to drive than to walk.
(In short, by the time you get the car out of the house, get everyone in, and park in the mall's lot, you could have easily arrived on foot.)

It's super close, but it's a beautiful space that just opened.
Not only the buildings, but there's a lawn and art installations.

It includes variety stores and cafes that weren't in the neighborhood before, creating a space that makes it hard to believe it's within walking distance of our home.

The ramen we were aiming for was delicious, and afterwards, we all enjoyed wandering around together as a family.

I was also able to browse for things that might be useful as art supplies.

It is incredibly convenient that it is close enough for me to easily head over even after I finish work.

On another day, taking advantage of the fact that our eldest son, who isn't that interested in yakiniku, was away, we had an at-home barbecue.

I was worried about how it would turn out since it had been raining until the day before, but it was just barely cloudy. It was a good thing our balcony is fairly spacious.

During the day, my husband bought some 'pretty high-quality meat' to grill on the shichirin charcoal stove.

The little party, which started while it was still just barely light out, transitioned from being lit by the orange of the sunset to the orange glow of the charcoal fire.

It felt chilly at night, but we continued the barbecue even after the stars came out, talking slowly and leisurely.

'Delicious!' 'We're so lucky to be able to do this at home!' 'I'm forgetting I worked today. It feels like I'm on vacation!'

The fat from the meat dripped onto the charcoal, making a sizzling sound. Smoke rose up. The conversation at the feast, which began with exclamations over how delicious the meat was, gradually shifted to things we as parents felt were great about our second son.

Usually, no matter what I say, my second son brushes off words of praise, but this slow, extraordinary time led to a sense of ease in his heart.

And I found myself wanting to treat the words that came up there with care as well.

Having received the same praise from both his father and mother, our second son looked surprised but also happy, saying, 'I'm the type to really savor the words I'm praised with...'

My second son still harbors anxiety about school. He has such low self-esteem.

During our Golden Week at-home barbecue, we took the time to face our second son slowly and focused our conversation on him.

The words from his father, who now supports our child in a way that seems like a world of difference from when the school refusal first started in our home, truly sank deep into our child's heart.

I hope that for my second son, this time becomes a memory that stays with him, along with the delicious taste of the meat and marshmallows.

***

Back then, I tried my best to spend as much time as possible in the same place, creating lots of memories.

It is certainly true that it remains in the hearts of each member of our family, to the point where it still comes up in our conversations as a shared topic.

I would even like to thank my past self for all the effort, saying, 'Thank you for doing your best.'

I believe such experiences will continue to support my children in the future.
And above all, I think we parents will also be supported by that fact and the process itself.

As children grow older, surely there is no need to be stuck together for long periods of time.

But sometimes, I hope we can at least see each other and talk, even if it's just for a short while.

Sharing feelings that are hard to convey in daily life during the time we are together.
And during that time, trying to enjoy ourselves as much as we can.

If we can do that, I think our family will be able to support each other even if our daily schedules are different.

And my family, now that I have come to feel this way,
is pretty wonderful (if I do say so myself).

As a family with children who are growing up, this might have been a pretty good Golden Week.

#SchoolNonAttendance
#SelfCompassion
#Parenting
#GoldenWeek
#WhatAreYouTalkingAbout
#66WeekWritingChallenge

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