🌱 Even if they can't go sometimes after returning to school, it's just a bad day

When children who have been truant start returning to school.
As a parent, it's a relief and a happy thing.

However, on the other hand, if they seem to be doing poorly
or if they miss a day,
don't you get extremely anxious, thinking things like
“Are they sliding back into truancy!?”

In a sense, for parents of former truant children,
the anxiety never really ends.

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My children were deeply truant
until junior high school.

Just because they both entered high school
doesn't mean they were able to return to school smoothly.

During the period of truancy,
both the child and the parent
have significantly lower physical stamina than one might imagine.

Just sitting in a seat during class is exhausting,
and when they finally make it home,
they are so worn out that homework is out of the question...

You might find it hard to believe, but
it is actually like that.

They couldn't go to school every day,
and there were times they stayed home.

For me, I felt like, “Well, of course.”
They just need to get used to it little by little,
and since they hadn't been to school for years,
I didn't expect them to attend every single class anyway.

However,it seemed the child himself didn't think so.

Especially my second son, after Golden Week in May,
he started missing school more and more.

It's not just that his physical stamina was low,
but because he had been terrified of entering the classroom for so long,
he was likely tense every single day and every single hour
to a degree that those around him probably couldn't understand.

That tension probably
snapped during Golden Week.

I could see him becoming increasingly depressed
at the thought of having to experience that tension again
once the break was over.

My second son said painfully,
“I haven't changed at all.”

It was a little while ago, but
I had the opportunity to talk with Shinjo-san,
whom I am connected with on X.

To be precise, I joined Shinjo-san's Space.

Shinjo-san does coaching
and also posts on note.
(The more we talked, the more I realized what a fascinating person they are (lol))

During that Space,
there was a story that really stuck with me.

While the human brain is complex, it also has
very simpleaspects.

It is said that when you think of yourself as
“the type who often fails in these situations,”
your brain perceives it exactly that way.

In other words, the next time “this situation” arrives,
your brain recognizes it as something where you will “fail,”
and you end up failing in reality.

I see, for example, if you say that out loud,
it becomes something like a “word spirit” (kotodama), doesn't it?

I thought this was an important perspective.

It means that your own way of thinking and your assumptions themselves
hold the key to success or failure.

This is actually directly linked to the article I wrote the other day.

Since then, when my second son cannot go to school,
I decided to use the expression, “You were just feeling a bit off today, weren't you?”
as a way of phrasing it.

And as a bonus,
I started adding comments like,
“I'm glad you were able to go to the grade assembly last week!”
“You were able to participate in the school festival preparations too? You're doing great!”

Today didn't go well.
But if you are healthy in both mind and body, it will go well,
and in fact, you have already succeeded many times since entering school.

There are days when a child who couldn't enter the classroom for five full years
can finish six hours of classes and come home.

It has only been two months.
In the two months since the environment changed,
I think my second son has been struggling fiercely.

My second son is changing.
Slowly, slowly,
even though he is moving back and forth,
he is properly moving forward.

Wishing for him to realize that,
and trying to put Mr. Shinjo's teachings into practice,
I have changed the way I interact with him.

After a while, my second son said to me:

I was truly happy to hear these words 😂

My second son, who was abnormally afraid of and avoided uncertain things.
My second son, who was running around looking for the safest place possible,
has finally lifted his head slightly, trying to break out of his shell.

Yes, he declared that he would take on challenges
without thinking too deeply about failure or fear,
while taking things frankly.

“I just happened to fail today.”
“I will succeed next time, but it just didn't work out by chance.”
By repeating this way of thinking,
you can prevent biased assumptions
about yourself, can't you!

Do not let the experience of failure become a shackle for yourself.
Do not brand yourself with the label
that "I can't do it anyway."

This applies to me as well, of course,
but I intend to convey this mindset to children
while practicing it firmly myself.

May this reach those who need it✨

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This series is compiled in a magazine.

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In my real-life activities "#Kozue no Tsubomi ", besides talk sessions about "school non-attendance" and "developmental differences,"
there are also various seminars to accompany your "personal time"!