My First Childbirth: Not Funny, Yet Somehow Funny | The Story of My Useless Husband

My first childbirth lasted 23 hours.

I know there are people who had it longer, but
for me, it was an endless battle.

And during that time,

it wasn't just the labor pains.

I vomited.
I just kept vomiting.

I thought "labor = pain," but
my understanding was completely naive.

I vomited with every contraction, and
before I knew it,

every 5 to 10 minutes × 23 hours.

By the second half, it was just

enduring
→ passing out like I was unconscious
→ being shaken awake

in an infinite loop.

Honestly,
I saw the limits of human endurance.

And then, finally, the birth.

……or so it should have been.

Emotion? A sense of accomplishment?

I didn't feel even a millimeter of that.

There was just one thing that bothered me.

"Huh, the baby isn't crying much."

This uneasy feeling would later
lead to the NICU.

And my husband was just too useless.

He couldn't drive the car, so he had his father bring him,
and before the night got too late, he came to the hospital room early
and was sleeping on the bed.

I was writhing in agony on the sofa.

And then, at 2:00 AM.

The moment my cervix
dilated to 8cm all at once.

……He wasn't there.

He was out buying a midnight snack at a convenience store.

Seriously, right now???

And when he finally came back,

the hospital entrance was locked for the night.

My husband identified himself over the intercom.

For some reason,

he gave my maiden name.

“Are you really a family member?”

Well, of course they stopped him.

When he finally got in,

in the hospital room where I wasn't even present—

he finished off three rice balls.

Seriously, don't eat those.

Even in the delivery room,

he was just a

piece of furniture.

The midwife said,
“Dad, go get her some water!”

……He won't move.

Finally, I shouted.

“You’re the dad, aren’t you!?
Who else is there!!”

In my extreme state,

he kept asking me the same thing over and over.

“Are you okay? Are you okay?”

It hurt too much to answer, I was throwing up, I was definitely not okay, and I didn't want to hear that question so many times.

And the final straw.

After the explanation that our child was being transferred to the NICU,

my husband said one thing.

“So, what was that again?”

……You heard everything, didn't you?

Even looking back on it now,

it was such a chaotic birth.

But.

On this day, I truly,

became a mother.

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