The Last Drop (The Last Candy) - How Grandma Fought in a Tokyo Without Smartphones -
[Recap of the Previous Episode]Before heading to Tokyo for university and living on her own, Chihiro had a fierce clash with her grandmother, Haru. While visiting Haru in the hospital after she collapsed from stress, Chihiro found a rusted iron tin. Inside was a "mud-bitter candy" that ten-year-old Haru had failed to give to her younger sister before she died amidst the hunger of the ruins in 1946, due to a judgment (a fixed idea) she believed was right. Having learned the sad truth behind the curse, "Fixed ideas are fatal," which had bound her grandmother, Chihiro stood frozen, unable to speak.
Episode 2: The Rushing Currents of Tokyo and Shaky Ground
The air in the hospital room was filled with the weight of the "1946" that Grandma Haru had spoken of.
Chihiro, still cradling the rusted iron tin in both hands, squeezed out her voice.
"I'm sorry, Grandma. I... without knowing any of this, I selfishly assumed you just wanted to keep me tied down, and I rebelled against you..."
Haru slowly shook her graying head. There was not a hint of blame for Chihiro on her face.
"It's alright, Chihiro. You've done nothing wrong. It was just me projecting my own emotional scars onto you. When you said you were 'going to Tokyo,' that rusted tin inside me started clattering loudly again. ...Tokyo is a terrifying place, you see."
At Haru's words, Chihiro let out a small, defiant breath deep in her throat.
(There she goes again, trying to make me afraid of Tokyo.)
In Chihiro's heart, there was indeed a sparkling, baseless confidence about her life in Tokyo.
The city of her dreams. Stylish cafes. A free life on her own. With a smartphone, she could look up anything—which trains to take, delicious restaurants, or how to find an affordable apartment.
She would work a part-time job, wear the clothes she liked, and live without anyone complaining to her.
She thought that "deciding for herself and becoming independent" wasn't such a big deal; it was just stepping out into a world that was freer and more under her control.
"It's okay, Grandma. I'm not a child anymore."
Chihiro puffed out her chest slightly, saying it to reassure her grandmother, or perhaps to flaunt her own sense of omnipotence.
"I've looked up plenty about Tokyo online, and I've already found a few candidates for part-time jobs. Some of my friends are going there too, so you don't need to worry so much—I'll be able to manage on my own just fine."
Haru, in her bed, looked at Chihiro's "bravado" and the "omnipotence born of ignorance" behind it as if she could see right through it all, watching her quietly with eyes full of affection.
"I see. You're all grown up now. You can look up anything yourself. ...But, Chihiro, what you can find by looking things up doesn't even make up half of what it truly means to live."
"Huh...?"
"I was the same, you know. I thought I could do anything, that I would decide for myself and live in that city, holding onto nothing but baseless confidence as I left for Tokyo. ...It was the late 1950s, just after I had given birth to your mother—my daughter."
Deep in Haru's eyes, the hustle and bustle of the Tokyo of the past revived.
“The Tokyo of those days was completely different from the beautiful Tokyo of today. Every day was filled with the deafening roar of construction and clouds of dust. The vacant lots that had been shanties until yesterday would become massive concrete buildings by the next day. In preparation for the 1964 Olympics, highways were stretching across the sky and subways were burrowing beneath the ground, writhing and growing like living creatures.
Everyone was looking only forward, possessed and driven by the madness of ‘becoming more prosperous,’ racing up the slope at an incredible speed.”
Haru took a deep breath.
“In a corner of that muddy, rushing city, Grandma was all alone, holding your mother. We had managed to save only our lives from the scorched earth after the war, but we had no money and no relatives to rely on. With my hungry, young child right in front of me, every day was a series of ‘decisions.’”
Haru stared at her own dry, withered palms.
“Which black market should I go to in order to get rice that wasn't spoiled, so I could feed this child? How much did I have to work to raise this child in this muddy Tokyo without letting her get sick? ...There were no smartphones. No one would give me the answers. If I made a mistake, this little life would be extinguished for good.
Grandma had to think with her own head, decide, and execute. All while the memory of my little sister’s cold body from 1946 was always crossing my mind.”
Chihiro lost her words.
The difference in resolution between the ‘independence’ Grandma spoke of and the ‘independence’ she had envisioned sent a chill down her spine.
Was her own idea of living alone in Tokyo nothing more than ‘playing house in style’?
She hadn't understood anything about the true ‘harshness of living’ that lay behind the beautiful Tokyo reflected on her smartphone screen.
To rely on no one, and to bear the full responsibility for one's own life—or someone else's—based on a single decision.
That was the true weight of ‘deciding for yourself and living your life.’
The groundless confidence that had filled Chihiro’s chest began to crumble from beneath her feet like a sandcastle.
“...Honestly, I didn't understand anything. I said it was easy to decide for myself, but... I didn't understand the real Tokyo, or what it meant to live.”
Chihiro’s bravado peeled away, and a trembling voice leaked out.
Haru wrapped her wrinkled, warm hands around Chihiro’s.
“Are you scared, Chihiro?” “...Yeah. I’m scared. After hearing Grandma’s story, I can’t say I’ll be able to make it on my own in Tokyo anymore.”
“That’s perfectly fine.”
Haru smiled softly.
"Before you know fear, it's just an 'assumption.' Knowing true fear, realizing how unsteady your own footing is, and yet choosing to move forward anyway—that is what a true 'decision' is.
Inside you flows the blood of your grandmother, who lived through that turbulent Tokyo, frightened and lost, yet making her own choices and walking her own path."
It's okay to stay afraid, it's okay to stay lost. Without forgetting that fear, trust in your own decision and try taking that first step."
Grandma's words ignited a quiet, firm warmth deep within Chihiro's trembling heart.
Having realized her own ignorance and learned true 'awe,' a genuine 'resolve' was now beginning to sprout beneath Chihiro's feet.
📖 Episode 3: https://note.com/juicy_laelia8513/n/nef961e6cc8b2
📖 Episode 1: https://note.com/juicy_laelia8513/n/n90d933e330ff
🌐 English Version: https://note.com/ttukumoo/n/n16f2e2fe9e66