From Self-Blame to Self-Understanding—The Gentle Internalization of Words Taught by a Song

First of all, I would be happy if you could listen for just a moment 🎵

|Ayumu Sekai created a song titled "From Self-Blame to Self-Understanding" based on my articles and words.

🎧 "From Self-Blame to Self-Understanding"

Those of you who always read my articles might think while listening:

"This is exactly what Ai always writes about."

You don't have to blame yourself.
It is not a weakness.
Your reactions have meaning.
Your own pace is fine.
From self-blame to self-understanding.

These are words I have delivered many times in my usual posts.

However, when they reached me as a song, I couldn't stop the tears.

I have always been someone who tends to tear up when encountering music or beautiful things.

Before, there was a time when I listened to a piano performance and couldn't stop crying for about four hours.

Even at Disney parades or fireworks, my heart trembles and tears come out.

But this time, the tears felt a little different.

Ayumu Sekai sent me five songs out of the 100 they had written.

On the day they arrived, I could only manage to listen to the first song twice and the others once each.

I made a mountain of tissues, and I stopped listening halfway through because I was worried about how my eyes would look tomorrow if I kept crying.

There was the emotion of encountering something beautiful and good, just like when listening to classical music.

But it wasn't just emotion.

The words I usually deliver to my readers became a song and reached my own heart this time.

At that moment, I thought once again:

People can be hurt by words.
However, people can also be supported by words.

Words I have heard many times since I was small.
Words spoken to me by someone dear.
Words that gently supported me when I was struggling.

Words that have piled up remain within me little by little.

In psychology, the process by which voices and gazes received from the outside are gradually incorporated into one's inner self is called "internalization."

Someone's voice or gaze eventually becomes a voice within oneself.

Sometimes, we internalize voices that blame us.

But we can also internalize voices that support us.

Perhaps people with a healthy sense of self-esteem possess voices within their hearts that allow them to believe in themselves and support them when they are in trouble.

At the very least, that is how I feel.

Conversely, those who have been showered with blaming words may hear a voice from within themselves even in situations where no one is blaming them.

I failed again.
I couldn't do it properly.
I caused trouble.
Maybe I was disliked.

In my head, I know that I don't need to blame myself that much.

However, my heart and body react first.

At such times, what is needed may not be to become stronger, but to encounter a voice different from the one that blames you.

You don't have to blame yourself.
It's not a weakness.
You have worked hard to get this far.
That reaction might be something that has protected you.

As you encounter warm words again and again, the voice inside you may gradually change.

I previously wrote an article about internalization.

Even after counseling ends, someone's voice or gaze may remain in your heart.

That voice can become words that support you when you are in pain.

I had written something like that.

But this time, while listening to songs, I realized something more personal.

To my readers, I have written:

“You don't have to blame yourself,”
“It's not a weakness,”
“Your reactions have meaning,”
“It's okay to go at your own pace.”

I have written these things.

But I think those were words I also wanted someone to say to me.

While listening to the song, the words I had been sending out returned to me.

And I felt a sense of being healed, little by little.

For me, this song was an experience of receiving the words I usually share, but this time, for myself.

The words I thought I was sending to others were actually words I wanted someone to say to me.

It was a moment of realizing that.

Songs are not just sounds.
Words are not just letters.

The timing of when they reach you.
The warmth of the voice.
The repeated phrases.
The memories sleeping within you.

When various things overlap, songs and words can reach a place deeper than logic.

How did you feel after listening to this song?

Relieved.
At peace.
Felt like crying a little.
Felt like I could walk a little further.
Nothing changed.
Felt a bit of distance.

Any way you feel is fine.

Whether it resonated with you or you felt a bit of distance, there is no right or wrong way to feel.

If you'd like, please share in the comments the songs that encouraged you or the words that saved you.

Songs you remember when you're struggling.
Words that made you cry.
A voice that still remains in your heart.

I believe everyone has words that have supported them at some point in their life.

And now, on my sub-account, I am gradually preparing small exercises for self-understanding and mechanisms to help you pause before blaming yourself in your daily life.

For example, a check of your attachment style tendencies to look at how you perceive distance from others and feelings of security.

An entry point to self-understanding that leads to cognitive behavioral therapy or schema therapy, gently observing recurring patterns of thought and feeling.

Furthermore, I am considering the use of a small app where, when you input an event, you receive words that lead to self-understanding rather than words that blame yourself.

Neither the exercises nor the app are meant to teach you the 'correct' answer or to diagnose and label you. They are not a substitute for counseling, either.

They are simply a place to pause for just a moment after a painful event, before you start blaming yourself.

'Why did I feel so distressed?'
'Perhaps this reaction is something that has been protecting me.'
'How do I want to live from now on?'

I hope to gradually cultivate a place for words where you can gently re-examine yourself in that way.

When I was in graduate school, I heard a story from a professor.

In the past, monks and priests used to pass on ways of living and states of mind to people.

However, now that such places have become fewer, perhaps those involved in psychology can take on that role.

It is not about teaching the 'correct' way to live.

It is about engaging in a way that gently hands over a spark to think about how you want to live.

That is the way of being I aim to achieve.

The song this time, as well as the exercises and apps I want to create in the future, all share the same underlying wish.

So that those who blame themselves can pause for just a moment before they do so.

So that you can cultivate not only a voice that blames, but also a voice that supports within yourself.

From self-blame to self-understanding.

I hope to deliver these words little by little into daily life, as articles and as songs.

To Ayumu Sekai, who created the song this time.

Thank you so much for receiving my articles and words in this way and turning them into a song.

Ayumi-san has also written an article about these songs.

In her article, Ayumi-san introduces my activities and words with such great care.

As I read it, I felt a little embarrassed, but at the same time, I was truly grateful that she received them in this way, and my heart was full.

▶︎ Click here for Ayumi-san's article
Ayumi Sekai's article, "Toward Self-Understanding, Not Self-Blame"

Five songs delivered from among 100.

Listening to them one by one, I felt once again the power of words being delivered through sound.

And to everyone who always reads my articles:

Those who come to read them again and again.
Those who send me words through comments.
Those who quietly press the 'like' button.
Those who remember my articles at the moments they need them.

It is because you receive them that I am able to continue weaving words.

Ayumi-san, thank you so much for the wonderful songs 😭💞✨🫶

And to everyone who came to read today, thank you for crossing paths with me 🥰😍😌💞

Related Articles

I would also like to introduce some past articles that connect with this one.

An article written about internalization

Even after counseling ends, the voice or gaze of someone else can sometimes remain in your heart.

This is a theme that is deeply connected to the experience of listening to these songs.

Article about internalization

An article written about mirrors and the catalyst for thinking about "how I want to live"

This is an article I wrote about the way of being for those involved in psychology, which I heard about during my graduate school days.

Rather than teaching the correct way to live, it is about gently handing over a catalyst to think about "how I want to live."

This is one of the starting points I hold dear.

Article about mirrors

The story of how music moved my heart and made me cry for four hours straight

This is an article I wrote about the feeling of being deeply moved when encountering music or other beautiful things.

I feel that it is connected in some way to the tears I shed this time as well.

The article about crying for four hours

My sub-account is here

I am gradually organizing exercises to help you pause before blaming yourself, as well as small practices for self-understanding, on my sub-account.

Please feel free to take a look there as well if you like.

#TowardSelfUnderstandingNotSelfBlame
#AyumuSekai
#AyumuSekai
#ICounselingRoom
#CertifiedPublicPsychologist
#ClinicalPsychologist
#SelfUnderstanding
#Internalization
#PowerOfWords
#noteCollaboration