The Moments I Wanted to Abandon Adlerian Psychology, Writing It All Down #4

—The reason I was able to move forward without losing myself, even though 'Live in the here and now' hit me too hard and caused me pain (A true story from my recovery period from adjustment disorder / 3 small practices you can start today)

Hello, I'm Noah. As I practice Adlerian psychology, I'm going to write about the times I thought, 'I want to throw Adlerian psychology away!'

'Adlerian psychology seems pretty good.'
'I'm curious about The Courage to be Disliked.'
'But how do you actually practice it?'

If you are thinking that way right now,
today's story probably isn't just about someone else.

I encountered Adlerian psychology and, though it might be a bit of an exaggeration, it saved me.
It changed how I see life, and it became easier to breathe.

……But at the same time, I thought it many times.

'Maybe I could have lived more easily if I didn't know about Adlerian psychology.'

It's contradictory, isn't it?
I was saved, yet I want to throw it away.
I was saved, yet it makes me suffer.

Today, I'm going to talk about that—something a bit pathetic, but very human.
I'll write it so it doesn't get too serious.
Because my life is basically always'worrying earnestly, but being a little off-track'.

'When I was recovering' was the hardest time

This is a story from a little while ago, when I had recovered from adjustment disorder and was getting used to working life.

I was going to the hospital regularly, and
'Well, I'm better than before'
it was the time when I could finally say that.

But this kind of period is strange.

When you're in the middle of crawling up from the bottom,
you're surprisingly 'desperate to survive,' so you don't think about it.

The problem is when you get a little better and can see the sky.

One day, on the way home from the hospital.
The blue sky was so beautiful that I suddenly stopped.

The moment I did, those words popped into my head.

'Live looking only at this moment'
'Live here and now as if you are dancing'
'Goals are unnecessary'

…That's right.

That's true, isn't it.

At that moment, looking up at the sky, I thought this.

"Aren't you just pretending that you've succeeded?"

I wanted to create an escape route before the "here and now"

When I first learned about Adlerian Psychology, I truly wanted to live that way from the bottom of my heart.
I wanted to live that way from the bottom of my heart.

To cherish the here and now,
not to worry too much about what others think,
to stand on my own two feet, breathe, and laugh.

How much easier would it be if I could do that?

Having had my world expanded by reading, I started attending the author's seminars.
I felt like there were answers "outside the books" as well.

And then, in my 30s.
I dove into the world of music, which I was embarrassingly unfamiliar with. It was the guitar.

Honestly, at first, it was just "admiration."
But the way I approached it was a bit different.

Perhaps I was also using my dedication to the guitar
as a way to escape from reality.

Work, interpersonal relationships, my own weaknesses.
Everything was scary.

So I submerged myself in the world of sound.
Pressing the strings, playing, failing, and playing again.

Because when I was in that cycle of repetition,
at least there was a time when I could be myself.

At the time, I half-seriously thought:

"Unless I become something, I cannot change."

Adlerian Psychology stabs you with a gentle face

Adlerian Psychology is kind, you know.

"You can change"
"You can choose"
"You are moved by purpose, not by the past"

Looking at the words alone, it is truly a salvation.

But.

Sometimes, on my own,
"I turn words of salvation into a blade"

Because that's how it sounds to me.

"You can change (it's your responsibility if you don't)."
"You can choose (it's your choice if you don't)."
"You are acting based on purpose (in other words, you are choosing everything)."

……That may be true, but.
Sometimes, that fact feels a little heavy.

It's not that Adlerian psychology is bad.
In fact, it's correct.

But being correct is exhausting.

I have thought so many times.

"If I didn't know Adlerian psychology, I wouldn't have had to face myself this much."

**"Maybe I could have lived more easily if I didn't know."**

With a bitter smile.

Knowing is the first step to changing... but sometimes it's heavy.

"Knowing is the first step to changing."
I certainly think so.

If I hadn't encountered Adlerian psychology,
I'm sure I would still be weak, repeating the same gray days every day.

But once you know, you can't go back, can you?

I don't want to go back.

Once you've stepped into the world of "living your own life for yourself."

I stopped thinking about the consequences and was told all sorts of things by others.

"Is there any point in doing that?"
"Look at reality."
"How old do you think you are?"

I was told.
I was told many times.

But I never let go of facing myself.

As a result, how many times did I think I would go crazy?

Honestly, it's not just once or twice.

But now I think.

A mental breakdown or two,
it happens when you live without losing yourself,I suppose.

I am somehow, in my own way, living my life.

When I was at rock bottom in my 20s, I never could have imagined this.

Sometimes I think to myself, 'I really made it this far...'

Even so, the reason I clung to Adler

So, why was I able to keep clinging to Adlerian psychology,
even while wanting to throw it away?

The answer was simple.

These are the two things that convinced me.

• Giving to others on your own initiative

• Starting on your own, even if others are not cooperative

When you do this,
instead of 'I can keep myself together because I am recognized by others,'
a sense of 'I can keep myself together on my own' begins to grow.

I lived my life based on someone else's evaluation for a long time.
So I wouldn't be scolded.
So I wouldn't be disliked.
So I would be thought of as 'proper'.

But that is,
essentially handing the steering wheel of your heart over to someone else.

Adlerian psychology quietly takes that back.

'You are allowed to take the wheel back yourself.'It says.

Once I learned that feeling, I couldn't go back.

Contributing to others without sacrificing myself.

As I lived valuing that stance, before I knew it, I was writing here in this place called note.

If the me from back then knew, I think he would say,

'Wait, me? Writing?'

No, I think that too.
Even now, I don't quite believe it.

I'll leave you with a 'light' practice you can start today

To you who have read this far,
I will not force any grand ideals upon you.

Actually, I want to say this.

It doesn't have to be grand.
…or rather, it lasts longer if it isn't grand.

From here on, I will leave behind the things I found helpful during my recovery phase,
broken down to a level you can start today.

1. Try starting something you're interested in at your own pace

You don't have to change your life all at once.

That “little spark of interest”—
gently nurture it.

I think that's enough.

2. It's okay to let go of things that are painful for you

Continuing isn't about willpower.

If you hold onto things that are painful,
you'll end up letting go of the things you truly want to protect.

So, let go of the painful things first.

That's not running away; it's a technique for recovery.

3. Try continuing for someone within yourself, without making a declaration

You don't have to say, “I'm going to do this!”

If you say it, the voices around you will increase.

“How long are you going to do that?”
“Does that have any meaning?”
“There's no way you can do it.”

……Shut up! lol

But it's okay if the motivation to continue is within you.
People who continue quietly are the strongest.
And,you will meet people who are continuing.

4. If it's not right, it's okay to quit

This is very important.

To keep going, you need the leeway to give up.

When you allow yourself to quit,
strangely enough, you are left with the 'leeway to start again'.

'Living in the here and now' doesn't have to be perfect.

Just one last thing.

'Living in the here and now'
doesn't mean you are dancing every single day.

I probably have more days where I'm not dancing.

I get stuck, I stop, and I check the color of the sky.
I've done that many times. (bitter smile)

But I think that's okay, too.

The day you stopped to look at the blue sky.
The day you noticed your own heart.
The day you admitted, 'I can't do it today.'

All of that is also 'the here and now'.

The days I wanted to abandon Adlerian psychology
were also important days for me.

Because it's proof that I was engaging with it seriously enough to want to throw it away.

I'm sure you are the same.

Summary: You are already moving forward just fine.

If right now, you are

'Knowing what to do but unable to do it'
'Finding the gap between ideal and reality painful'
'Feeling disappointed in yourself'

If you are spending a night like that.

It's okay.
That is not 'proof of failure', but
proof that you are trying to live your own life.

Changing isn't a flashy revolution,
but a accumulation of small choices.

If today you find it even a little easier to breathe.
That alone makes me glad I wrote this article.

👉 In this series, I will be writing little by little about 'what I learned from the moments I wanted to abandon Adlerian psychology'.

If this note can serve as a small tailwind for you to reclaim your true self, I would be truly happy.

Let's grow slowly together🍀 Please feel free to connect with me by liking or following.☺️

[Introduction to a follower's article]

~How to organize your heart today~

This is an article by [Ai-san💗 I Counseling Room Therapist / Clinical Psychologist x Certified Public Psychologist | 16 years of support experience, over 2,000 people].

*Since I am introducing this on my own, please let me know if you would like it removed.

There is something ChatGPT often tells me when I write articles.

Write as a 'wavering' self.

Reading Ai-san's article, I felt as if someone had put into words what I had been doing unconsciously for a long time.

・Wanting a foundation to support myself
・That 'lucky people' aren't special, but perhaps just stepping up to the plate a bit more often
・That even after 16 years of learning, people still waver

All of these were quiet, yet words that struck me deeply.

I thought that the words of someone who stands while wavering have body heat.

Related article

#3 --A true story of the night when 'the theory that should be correct' cornered my heart the most (3 things I learned from my failures in my 20s)

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but place my thoughts in an order that makes it easy for people to feel 'this is about me'.There is a place to empathize,there is a perspective that provides a little peace of mind,

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