For Those Who Feel Pain After Taking a Step Forward | Survival Strategies for Sensitive People #11 | Self-Acceptance Part 4

The new strength of 'It's okay if it doesn't go well the first time'—a way of thinking to break free from the fear of being rejected

Have you ever taken a courageous step forward, only to feel overwhelmed by pain immediately after?

Thinking, 'I shouldn't have done that after all,' and pulling yourself back.

But that doesn't mean you are weak.

In fact, it is a state that happens more often to those who are trying their best.

Hello, I'm Noa.
Based on Adlerian psychology, I write about 'how to handle emotions to live without breaking yourself.'

This time, we will discuss
how to return to yourself after you've felt broken.

Why does it hurt so much even though you were brave?

You took the plunge and spoke up in a meeting.
You tried declining a social gathering you weren't interested in.
You told someone about something you wanted to do.

That was undoubtedly a 'moment of taking a step forward' for you.

But then—

The atmosphere in the room pauses for a moment.
You get a subtle reaction.
You are lightly dismissed with, 'Isn't that difficult?'

In that instant, something in your heart goes cold.

I shouldn't have said it after all.
Maybe I was disliked.
I wanted to be acknowledged.

Before you know it, you are repeating the same thing over and over in your head.

Have you ever found yourself unable to escape from a loop of negative emotions like that?
Have you ever found yourself unable to escape from a loop of negative emotions like that?

The true nature of 'people who feel pain even after taking action'

There is something many people misunderstand here.

That is—
'Feeling as if you have been rejected.'

But in reality, that is not the case.

You are already taking action.
Even while feeling afraid, you are taking a step forward.

The real problem comes after that.

“How you treat yourself when you don't get the reaction you expected”

If you blame yourself here,
you will be pulled right back to where you started.

In other words,

・Taking on a challenge
・Things not going well
・Blaming yourself
・Becoming unable to move

This is a state where this loop is spinning unconsciously.

Why is the “power to bounce back” necessary?

When you start something new,
it is natural for anxiety and fear to arise.

Even so, when you feel like “I can do this today,”
you are properly taking a step forward.

That is actually an amazing thing.

But in reality,
things often don't go as planned.

What is needed here is

not “the strength to never break.”

Rather—

“The power to bounce back even if you break”

Whether or not you have this
will greatly change your life from that point on.

Because,

there is no one who never breaks.

And this power is not a talent, but something you can acquire later.

No matter who you are,
there will always be moments when you are rejected, things don't go well, or
your heart is shaken.

That is precisely why what matters is,

not to remain unshaken, but to be able to return even after being shaken.

This becomes the foundation for "moving forward without breaking yourself."

Emotions exist to protect you, not to stop you.

So, why does it become so painful?

It is because the emotions within you
are working exactly as they should.

For example,

I don't want to be rejected.
I don't want to be disliked.
I don't want to be hurt.

These are all
natural reactions that try to protect you.

In other words,

emotions are not your enemy, they are your ally.

However—

There is one important thing here.

Many people,
even if they understand that "emotions exist,"

do not see "what those emotions are appearing for" in the first place.

If you don't know how to use this "ally," you will end up being swayed by it instead.

Therefore,

・Worrying about the same thing again
・Being unable to act even though you understand
・Continuing to blame yourself

You will become unable to escape from these kinds of loops.

The decisive difference between those who "cannot return" and those who "can return"

Even when hurt in the same way,
there are those who can move forward and those who stop.

The difference is simple,

"being consumed by emotions"
or
"being able to understand emotions"

.

When consumed,

"I am no good"
"It's impossible after all"

is where it ends.

But,

what if here—

"What is this fear trying to protect?"

what happens if you can pause and ask that?

Little by little,
you can return from the "self that reacts"
to the "self that can understand and choose."

This is,

the turning point to escape the negative loop.

However, there is one wall here

Having read this far,

"I see, so I just need to understand my emotions."

You might have thought that.

But in reality, most people stop right here.

Why is that?

Because you don't know "how."

・You don't know what you are feeling
・You cannot explain why you are suffering
・Even if you think you've realized it, you get stuck on the same thing again

I myself was stuck here for a long time.

The reason I was finally able to break free

For 10 years, I have been facing the structure of these emotions
while using Adlerian psychology's "teleology."

In doing so, I realized that

"Understanding" and "being able to handle" are completely different things.

Regarding emotions,
just knowing them as knowledge
is unlikely to lead to changing yourself.

By putting what is happening inside you into words,
even if only a little at a time,

you will finally
change from a "state of being swallowed"
to a "state of being able to return."

From here on, a little bit about practice

Emotions do not change just by understanding them.

Actually,

👉 What is happening inside you
👉 Why you are stuck

By putting these into words one by one,
change will finally occur.

The rest will be done while actually practicing

Next,

👉 As a "psychological exercise" you can use starting today
👉 While actually working with your hands

I will turn this way of facing emotions
into a "usable form."

・Why do I keep worrying about the same things?
・How can I break out of this negative loop?
・How can I keep moving even while feeling afraid?

I will address these points specifically.

The feeling of shifting from "understanding" to "being able to use."
Whether or not you can cross that line

determines whether you can break free from the state of "knowing what to do but being unable to act."

Please read this whenever you feel it is necessary.

👇

Here, I have summarized the following topics touched upon in this article in a practical way:

・The true nature of emotions
・Why we get stuck on the same things
・How to create a state where you can "come back" to yourself

I have compiled these into a format you can actually use.

👉 In this series, I am organizing
"how to handle emotions to live life on your own terms" in order.

If you are struggling with the same things right now,
I believe this will continue to provide you with helpful hints.

If this note can become a small tailwind
to help you reclaim your true self, I would be truly happy.

Let's grow slowly together 🍀
Please feel free to connect by liking or following me ☺️

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If you feel like "I want to share my experiences with someone"

Thank you for reading this far.

If, through this article,
the feeling that "I want to put my experiences into words in a way that helps someone else"

has sprouted even just a little bit,

for me personally,
writing became a "means to reclaim my own life."

In the same way,
・How should I frame my own experiences?
・What should I write to make it reach someone?
There is a place where you can learn that way of thinking.

As a first step,
I have left this free report here.
(*Contains affiliate links)

Please take a look whenever you feel it is necessary.

Five-Star Writing Technique Introductory Report (Free Report) (↑Click here)

#AdlerianPsychology #SelfAcceptance #HowToHandleEmotions #SelfUnderstanding #Resilience