Self-Denial and Relationships | Why Being Around People Is Exhausting

Why being around people is somehow exhausting

After meeting people,
do you feel completely drained?
Does that ever happen to you?

・You are too considerate
・You read the room too much
・You always adapt to others

Even though you manage well in the moment,
you feel exhausted when you are alone afterward.

On the way home or after arriving home,
you might think, I shouldn't have gone...

In places with many people,
you find yourself thinking you don't want to be part of that group.

Trying to be a "good person"

Until now,

Relationships require consideration
I must not be a burden

That is what I thought.

This was my survival strategy.

Therefore,

I will do things properly
I will try not to be disliked

I worked hard to do that.

How can I avoid being disliked?
What should I do?

That is all I was thinking about.

But, for some reason, it becomes painful

But, even though I am trying hard,

for some reason, it doesn't get easier.

・The distance doesn't close
・I cannot speak my true feelings
・Relationships end while still shallow

In that way, I assumed that
I am a person who doesn't interest others,
and I would focus on my own shortcomings and feel depressed.

At one point,
I realized the true nature of it was "self-denial."

It wasn't a problem with human relationships, but
a problem with my own "assumptions."

When you have self-denial, human relationships look like this

When there is a feeling somewhere in your heart that
"I am not okay as I am,"

■Prioritizing others too much

・Putting your own opinions on the back burner
・Being unable to say no
・Pushing yourself too hard

■ Reading the room too much

・Worrying about the other person's mood
・Choosing words too carefully
・Being afraid of silence

■ Unable to show your true self

・Being afraid of being disliked
・Having resistance to revealing yourself

And then, you become unable to connect

Ironically,
the more you try to "do it right," the less you are able to form "true connections."

Even though you want to connect from the bottom of your heart,
there is a frustration in not being able to.

But you don't know why.
That is why you get lost on what to do.

Why does this happen?

The reason is simple.

"I cannot be accepted as I am"

That is what you think.

That is why,

"a safe version of myself"is how you try to interact.

But because of that,

it becomes harder for the other person to show their "true self" as well

Why does this happen?

People have a nature of unconsciously

matching the "range of openness" of the other person
(a state where psychological "mutual influence (mirroring/attunement)" is occurring)

that is their nature.

For example,

・The other person is reserved → You are also reserved
・The other person does not speak their mind → You do not either
・The other person is putting up a wall → You also keep your distance

In other words,

relationships are determined by the "atmosphere created together"right?.

It can be said that your "way of interacting" draws out the other person's reaction.

When you have this feeling, you unconsciously do the following:

・Adjusting yourself so you are not disliked
・Only revealing yourself within a safe range
・Matching the other person

Then the other person thinks,
" This person is still keeping their distance"

and feel that way, so you keep your distance in the same way.

What is happening here as a result is,

a relationship where neither side shows their true feelings is established

.

An Important Perspective

What is important here is that it is not
"your fault".

This is a form of defense, and it is a "way of life" you have acquired from your past experiences.

However, one thing I can say is that
if one person gets even a little closer to their true feelings, the relationship will begin to change.

Human relationships directly reflect your "relationship with yourself"

Human relationships directly reflect
how you treat yourself.

・Are you able to cherish yourself?
・Are you able to respect your own feelings?
・Are you able to find a sense of security within yourself?

If this is not in order,

the same thing will happen wherever you go

Conversely,

when this changes,

the quality of your human relationships will change all at once

・You don't have to force yourself to fit in
・You can say what you want to say
・You can adjust the distance

And,

From "relationships where you try not to be disliked" to
relationships that last naturally"

・Don't be too considerate
・Silence doesn't bother you
・You don't get tired when you're together

Such relationships are something you will
be able to choose naturally without trying hard.

Finally

Thank you for reading this far.

Self-denial is invisible,
but it definitely affects your life.

I myself, partly due to my childhood environment,
think my self-denial was quite strong.

But now, I think this:

There is no such thing as "strong or weak" self-denial

No matter what form it takes,

if it is limiting your life,
it is a waste to leave it as it is

As self-denial loosens,

You can be honest with your feelings of "wanting to do something"
You will naturally become interested in various things

And,

You will be able to connect with people without forcing it
You will be able to interact with like-minded people with peace of mind.

Without trying hard to change,
you notice, and it gradually falls away.

What was beyond that was
the feeling of "it's okay to live this easily".

Now, I just

I am grateful to have this feeling

That is what I think.

That is why I,

for those who feel the same way or
for those struggling with self-denial,

hope they gain at least one insight,

and that it becomes a catalyst for changing their actions

I am writing this text with that in mind.

In this series,

👉 Under the theme of "Self-Denial and XX,"
👉 I will unravel the connections to various aspects of life

Next,

👉 I will write about "Self-Denial and Money."

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