🔑 The 11th Door | "I hate myself like this." ...Are you really sure? -- It's okay just as you are

📖 Reading time: approx. 10 minutes
✍️ Work: approx. 10-15 minutes
📅 Updated: July 30, 2026

🌿 Introduction

Hello.

I'm Yukiyo-chan, here to help you gently untie the knots in your heart🌿

You have truly done your best to get this far.

The self that compares.

Assumptions.

The wishes hidden deep in your heart.

The self from back then.

And last time,

what you "felt" and what you "thought"
might not be the same.

You experienced that.

Today's door

might be

the quietest time in this journey.

🌿 Today's Question

I hate myself like this.

Have you ever thought that?

The self that ends up crying.

The self that ends up getting angry.

The version of me that feels anxious.

The version of me that feels jealous.

The version of me that compares myself to others.

The version of me that is weak.

If I could,

I would want this version of me to disappear.

Have you ever felt that way?

……

Are you sure?

What if,

there is a reason for those feelings?

What if,

those feelings,

are not there to trouble you,

but are trying to tell you something?

Just for today,

stop trying to push them away,

and just for a little while,

why not sit down beside them?

🌿 You don't have to make those feelings your enemy

On sad days,

I don't want to feel sad.

On days when I get angry,

"I did it again."

I want to blame myself.

Every time I feel anxious,

I wish I could be stronger.

You might think that sometimes, too.

That is why we,

try to get rid of those feelings.

By trying not to see them.

By pushing them down.

By trying to forget them.

But,

the more we try to get rid of them,

those feelings,

show their faces again and again.

As if,

"I'm still here."

they are telling us that.

...

Today,

you don't need to change.

You don't have to feel better.

You don't have to be positive.

You don't have to look for a reason.

Just,

the emotions that are there,

try feeling them just as they are.

✍️ Today's Work

Today is,

not a time to get rid of your emotions.

It is also not a time to change yourself.

Just,

with the emotions that are here right now,

it is a time to be with them for a little while.

Please prepare a notebook.

STEP 1 | What is the emotion closest to you right now?

Right now,

let's choose one emotion that is in your heart.

Anger.

Sadness.

Anxiety.

Impatience.

Loneliness.

If it doesn't have a name,

"I feel uneasy."

That alone is enough.

STEP 2 | Where is that emotion?

Close your eyes,

and breathe slowly.

Where is that emotion,

in your body?

Is it in your chest?

Is it in your throat?

Is it in your stomach?

Is it in your shoulders?

To that place,

please gently place your hand.

Warm.

It's heavy.

It's painful.

I feel nothing.

All of these,

are okay just as they are.

STEP 3 | You don't have to ask anything

Today,

you don't need to look for a reason.

"Why?"

or,

"What happened?"

or,

you don't have to ask.

Just,

like sitting next to a crying child,

please try being next to those feelings.

You don't have to rush to encourage them.

You don't have to make them feel better.

You don't have to try to change them.

Just,

Try staying with it.

You might feel something.

You might feel nothing at all.

Either is perfectly fine.

STEP 4 | Finally, a word

Before you leave,

to that emotion,

try sending just one word.

"It's okay to be here."

"I noticed you."

"Thank you."

"You are not alone."

Any words will do.

In your own words,

please try sending it.

🌿 No need to rush

Today,

it is okay if nothing changes.

It is okay if tears fall.

It is okay if they don't.

It is okay to stop halfway.

The heart,

if you rush it,

will hide away again.

Therefore,

your own pace is just fine.

🌙 Conclusion

Today,

the emotions that disappeared

might not be a single one.

However,

the emotion that was not driven away,

there might have been one.

That alone,

is enough.

We,

by losing our emotions,

do not become free.

Sadness too.

Anger too.

Anxiety, too.

Jealousy, too.

Any emotion at all,

"It's okay to be here."

When you can think that,

little by little,

your heart will remember what peace feels like.

So,

even if from now on,

there are days you get angry.

Even if there are days you feel sad.

Even if there are days you feel anxious.

You don't have to blame yourself,

right away for being that way.

Just stop for a moment,

and try sitting down next to that emotion.

And then,

just one last time,

try asking yourself this question.

"I hate myself like this."

...

Is that really true?

Beyond that question,

you will surely,

not meet the self who was trying hard to 'change',

but the self who has been here all along,

and be able to meet them once again.

🌱 Next is finally the last door

Up to this point,

you have met many versions of yourself.

The self that compares.

The self that was hurt.

The self that wished for things.

The self that felt things.

And today,

you also met the self you were trying to cast away.

Next is finally,

the last door.

Not to become someone else,

but the conclusion of a journey to remember the self who has been here all along.

Even at the final door,

rather than an answer,

let's walk forward while cherishing your own way of feeling.

With heartfelt gratitude.

Yukiyo-chan 🌿