The Human Gacha Was Full of Bugs

This is a series about a former department manager who became unable to walk due to long COVID and
somehow found laughter while living life on hard mode, but this is a side story. I hope this is read by people who want to laugh a little and catch their breath, even in difficult situations.

God, do you have a moment?
I have a bug report regarding my body.

It seems there was a massive error in the initial settings.

Various parts of my body are not standard.
To be upfront, they are all just exquisitely subtle bugs, not worth lamenting over.

However, it is a different story when all of these are installed in one human being. Let me introduce my "bug-filled initial specification sheet" one by one.

【Cold Urticaria】
I break out in hives when moving from a warm place to a cold one.
I react to sudden temperature changes. If I am outside on a day that suddenly gets cold, my exposed fingers swell up like balloons.

Also, the same thing happens if I hold a cold plastic bottle. Only the fingers that were touching it turn bright red, swell up, and become impossible to bend. I am the Balloon Man.

If I eat shaved ice, my throat swells up and it becomes hard to breathe. This is quite troublesome, so I don't eat it.

When I had a doctor look at it in junior high school, I was told it would go away during my growth spurt. That means at 48, I am still in my growth spurt. There is still plenty of room for growth.

Well, this is a type of allergy, and since it is a named condition, there are likely many people like me.

【My pinky finger is strangely bent】
It goes straight from the base to the third joint and the second joint, then suddenly makes a right turn (a left turn in the case of the right hand) at the first joint. It snuggles right up to my ring finger. Or rather, it digs into it.
I started playing guitar in high school, but I gave up because I couldn't press the strings properly due to this pinky.
My father is the same, so it seems to be genetic.

This is also relatively in the minority, but there are likely others like me.

【I have three hair whorls】
There is no real harm. It just tends to make the top of my head look a bit thin.

There are other people like this too (3% of Japanese people).

【My teeth are still baby teeth】
I have nine teeth that haven't been replaced.
Or rather, I found out in elementary school that I didn't have permanent teeth, so I had crowns put on my baby teeth to match the size of permanent teeth. The tooth before my canine fell out without me knowing I didn't have a permanent one, so it is missing.
The eternal 48-year-old baby-toothed child.

Well, this is also a rare case, but they exist (apparently one in ten people).

【My body hair is strange】
It is not so much that it is thick, but that each strand is long.

My chest hair is about 5 centimeters long.

The hair on my arms grows firmly in a 15cm range from the back of my hand to my forearm, and there is almost no hair above that.
I tried pulling it all out in high school, but it regenerated before long.

On my back, it grows locally like an oasis. Around the bottom of my shoulder blades and my shoulders.
From half of my buttocks down, my legs are evenly covered.
In high school, I tried bleaching my leg hair, but it regenerated before long. And to make matters worse, it grew longer than it was before.

I was embarrassed when my childhood friend told me that hair doesn't usually grow behind the knees.
There's no regularity to it, it feels like a bug.
My father has a tendency for it too, though not as much as me.

Maybe there are others out there, I just haven't met them yet.

[It's dangerous to get bitten by mosquitoes]
Apparently, my blood is incredibly delicious. I get bitten all the time. More than anyone else.
I imagine in the mosquito world, I'm a three-star Michelin blood source with a 5.0 rating on 'Suck-log'.

My mother once bought me a mosquito repellent device that emits high-frequency sounds that mosquitoes hate. I hung it on my waist, but I still got bitten right next to it.

And when I get bitten, it swells up terribly. Furthermore, it takes a long time to heal. Lately, perhaps due to my age, it takes about a month. And the marks don't fade easily.

What's especially bad is that a spot where I was bitten about 15 years ago still swells up periodically.
I was bitten while having tea at an old folk house cafe, and just when I think that spot has healed, it suddenly swells up again as if I'd just been bitten, regardless of the season, the following year and the year after that. I've named that spot after the cafe.

I asked a dermatologist if such a miracle could happen, and apparently, it's extremely rare.
Mosquitoes are my lifelong natural enemy. I love summer, but I have to face it with fear and trembling every year.

Well, maybe there's someone like that out there somewhere.

[The unmentionable spot]
That place that's hard to talk about here is also a bit strange. It's not about the various vectors of 'strange' that are generally known, it's even stranger. I don't think there's anyone else like me. I've never checked with my father. It's too revealing, so I'll keep it in my heart's treasure chest.

You might think that if you look, you'll find others for each of these, but I have all of them.
I don't think there are many people with this combo of humble bugs.

So, what happened as a result of those combos overlapping?

Well, it's neither a weakness nor a strength.
It's nothing to brag about either.

I think maybe when God was making me, it was the day after pulling an all-nighter until morning,
and He was probably saying things like, 'Oh well, this is fine.'

I've lived for 48 years with this body, so even if something like COVID aftereffects gets added, I can only think, 'Oh, a new feature.'

That said, I am deeply grateful to the father and mother who brought me into this fun world.
And, just in case, I'm also grateful for this era of diversity.

I think of my body as a bug,
but from God's perspective, it might just be a limited edition model.

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Thank you for reading until the end.
If you'd like, please check out these articles too.

▼ If you found this story interesting, click here
👇 The story of how that announcer glitched

👇 An easy-to-understand article for those who want to understand an endangered species like me

▼ Click here for the Long COVID series
If you want to read from the beginning, please sort the magazine by "oldest first."

▼ Click here if you want to choose an article from the list
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