To all you 'menhera' (mentally unstable) folks: Stop acting tough when you're 'not actually okay'‼️ I'm here by your side

Greetings, everyone.
During the humid season, both body and mind tend to feel heavy.
To all of you who are carefully stacking up your days amidst that, thank you so much for your hard work.

Now then.

Previously, I introduced
“Falling asleep to your voice.”

The guy with the handsome voice
A voice streaming metaverse that starts with
“To all you menhera folks.”

Every time, I always thought to myself,
“But I'm not menhera.”

In the first place, what is a menhera?
And, what lies beyond the words

“I'm okay”
that a menhera might say?

Today's “It's Fine As It Is Seminar” will carefully unravel things in this order:

Neuroscience → Psychology (Behavioral Psychology + Evolutionary Psychology) → Cognitive Science (Communication Theory) → Philosophy

Let's get started right away.

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■ Neuroscience: Emotions do not disappear

First, let's start with how the brain works.

Emotions “do not disappear even if you suppress them.”
They just aren't shown on the surface,
but your heart rate, cortisol, and brain reactions are all still functioning properly.

In other words,
even people who say “I'm okay”
are swaying just the same on the inside.

It's just not visible.

Labels are only applied to things that can be seen.

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■ Psychology (Attachment Theory): Patterns of the heart

A person's relationship patterns in adulthood are determined by their relationship with their parents during childhood.


Anxious type—People who cling tightly because they are “afraid of being left behind.”
Avoidant type—People who keep their distance because they are “afraid of being intruded upon.”

Those easily labeled as “menhera” are usually the anxious type.Because they show dependency.

However, in reality,
the avoidant type is swaying just the same.
They just don't show it.
A true safe base is


“a place where you won't be abandoned even if you show your weakness.”People who grow up without that

continue to act like they are “okay” all by themselves.
My original philosophy,


“Spare Philosophy,” corresponds to this.

■ Inside Psychology (1): Behavioral Psychology
—Testing behavior and double binds

While saying “I'm okay,”
they are actually “not okay.”

This is a classic “testing behavior.”

To confirm whether the other person will leave or not,
they intentionally give ambiguous reactions.

Furthermore, the surface words “I'm okay” and
the underlying meta-message of “I want you to pay attention to me” contradict each other.

This is a double bind.

The other person becomes confused,
and cannot help but step in.

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■ Inside Psychology (2): Evolutionary Psychology
—Why do we end up saying “I'm okay”?

Old circuits remain in the human brain.

If you show “weakness” within the herd, you will be excluded—
memories of having lived through such eras.

That is why even now,
we learn unconsciously.

If you say “I'm okay,” you are safe.
If you say “I'm not okay,” you are in danger.

Hiding weakness was a survival strategy.

That remnant is what leads to the modern “I'm okay.”

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■ Cognitive Science: The difference between unconscious and conscious
—Menhera vs. Cunning (Azatoi)

What is important here is the perspective of “cognition.”

Menhera = Unconscious reaction (emotion/reflex)
Cunning = Conscious manipulation (strategy/design)

This difference is significant.

Menhera-like reactions are
“automatic reactions” where emotion moves first.
Even the person themselves cannot control it.

On the other hand, cunning behavior is
a “conscious design” using “Theory of Mind” to read the other person's heart,
and “metacognition” to view one's own heart from a bird's-eye view.
In other words,

Cunning = System 2 (consciousness/planning)
Menhera = System 1 (unconscious/reflex)
The two look like the same behavior,

but the cognitive level is completely different.
Example of a cunning woman

🚺 “I'm okay 🙆”
🚹 “But you're not actually okay 🕺”
“Communication theory as an application of cognitive science”

The surface of the words is “I'm okay.”


The meta-message behind it is “I want you to pay attention to me.”
Because these two contradict each other,

the other person doesn't know which one to believe.
However,

that very “uncertainty”
has become a mechanism that makes the other person step in.

■ Philosophy: What lies beyond the words
—Who is the word “I'm okay” for?

Here, I recall philosophy of language (Austin).

Philosophy of language (Speech Act Theory)
Cognitive science (Theory of Mind)
Communication theory (Double bind)

It was an act that could be explained by these three pillars.


This is close to what is called “testing behavior.”

Within attachment theory,
it is an act of intentionally putting out ambiguous reactions or rejecting words to confirm whether the other person is really looking at you or will not leave.
While saying “I'm okay,”

they are testing whether the other person will step in and say “But you're not actually okay.”
The person who can repeat this intentionally, again and again, rather than unconsciously, is

a “cunning woman.”
The label “menhera” is a broader concept,

often referring to a state where such testing behavior has become habitual,
and where the emotional waves (repeating dependency and rejection) are large.
In other words,


rather than a core symptom of menhera,it is more accurate to position it as “one tactic” often used by people called menhera.
A cunning woman is


someone who intentionally masters the strategies of a menhera.


“I'm okay” is not a word to hide weakness, but
a quiet
🆘that says “I want someone to find me.”

The seminar ended, and we moved to a nearby cafe.

Moderator 👩‍🎓
“Today's seminar isn't the exclusive property of menhera.
The structure where‘testing behavior’that everyone does suddenly gets called menhera when a label is applied—
that might be a sharper observation.”
And now, a secret ㊙️

This is just between us.
To the men.

❌ “Are you actually not okay? Are you pushing yourself?”

This is an intellectual action,
and women won't get excited by it.
So what should you do?

⭕️ Use “kuse ni” (even though).

It's “Even though you're not actually okay.”
And women,

let's use the side-step philosophy.

In today's extracurricular seminar, for the stay-behind group,
things I can't talk about here
going back and forth between men—
Why is that necessary?

If you would like to stay behind,
please use the comment section or ✉

Thank you for reading until the end today as well.

I look forward to your quiet messages to the stay-behind group and the philosophy seminar detour cafe.

I will write an article about the conversation with the stay-behind group next time as well.
Please look forward to it😊

What is the "It's Fine Like This Seminar" detour cafe stay-behind group?