[Oil Painting Diary] "Indescribable Feelings" painted on a 15cm canvas. Finding a new self through my first oil painting

Introduction

Recently, a craving for "expression without words" has been growing quietly but surely within me.

The catalyst was the encounters I've had through my ongoing "Youth Coach" activities. As I've had more opportunities to interact with artists like Japanese-style painter Mr. Ishida and textile artist Ms. Murata, and as I've been exposed to their work and thoughts, I've come to feel the "overwhelming power of art" firsthand.

"I want to place the abstract emotions inside me directly onto the canvas as colors."

Driven by that impulse, before I knew it, I had clicked the buy button on an oil painting set on Amazon.

1. The Catalyst: Decades-old foreshadowing and dialogue with artists

To tell the truth, my interest in oil painting didn't start yesterday or today.

When I was in junior high or high school, my father took me to a Van Gogh exhibition. It was there that I saw real oil paintings for the first time, and I was captivated by the swirling brushstrokes and overwhelming colors. The vague memory of thinking, "I'd like to try painting myself someday," had been sleeping deep in my heart ever since.

As an adult, while engaging in dialogue with professional creators through Youth Coach, that memory came back vividly. The "ability to continue facing questions without clear answers" that Mr. Ishida and Ms. Murata possess. For someone like me who thought sensibility and theory were separate things, they were a huge inspiration as they fought while combining both.

"How would I express the shock I felt when I saw Van Gogh back then, now that I am who I am today?"

That curiosity led me to the canvas.

2. Preparation: Diving in without even watching YouTube, knowing nothing

Well, having decided to "paint!", I am a complete amateur.

I felt that if I said things like "I'll start after I study...", I would never pick up a brush, so I decided to start painting without even opening YouTube, thinking, "I don't know anything, but let's just try it."

I prepared the following simple tools.

[Art supply list for this time]

- Beginner's oil painting set

- Small canvas (15cm square)

When faced with a large canvas, I brace myself, thinking I have to paint something impressive, but with this "small world" of 15cm, I felt I could dive in without fear of failure. I didn't use a proper easel or anything; I just spread newspaper on the dining table and placed the canvas directly on it to start painting—a truly rough style.

The scent of the oil, unique to oil paints, and the heavy, butter-like texture. Just by squeezing the colors out of the tubes, I felt a switch inside my heart click on.

3. Production: A "Little Master" Was by My Side

As I was preparing at the table, my 5-year-old daughter came trotting over.

"Daddy, what are you doing? I want to do it too!"

And so, a sudden "weekend art class" began with father and daughter side by side. My daughter used her usual watercolors and faced a small canvas the same size as mine.

Even after watching YouTube, I still didn't really understand, so I fumbled with mixing colors and trying out thick layers. Beside me, she moved her brush without hesitation. What she drew so effortlessly were a vibrant red tomato and an orange carrot.

"Done! Look, isn't it cute?"

The work she showed me when she said that was overflowing with innocent vitality. I, who had been groaning beside her searching for the "correct answer," felt like I had been taught something important by this little master: "Ah, expression was originally this kind of free thing."

4. Experience: The "Tolerance" That Oil Painting Taught Me

I started oil painting with zero knowledge, but once I actually moved the brush, I became completely immersed in its charm.

The thing that shocked me the most was the tolerance of being able to "start over".

Watercolors are difficult to correct once applied, but with oil painting, you can hide or blend previous colors by layering new ones on top. This process of "layering" overlapped with the process of approaching deep psychology through repeated dialogue in coaching, and I felt a strange sense of comfort.

The exquisite boundary of a gradient that cannot be explained in words.

A color that became a bit muddy from being mixed too much, but which conversely gained depth because of it.

It took over an hour to fill the 15cm canvas, but during that time, smartphone notifications, investment charts, and work worries were all pushed out of my consciousness. The time spent simply focusing on the moment the colors in front of me blended was like a kind of deep meditation.

And so, this is the work I finished.

Technically, it is clumsy and doesn't even reach the level of self-satisfaction, but I feel that I was able to pour the "longing for oil painting" that I am currently feeling into these layers of deep green.

Next time I paint, I want to try applying the paint a little more boldly.

5. Conclusion: Art is a Ritual to Reclaim Yourself

Having finished my first oil painting, I am now in a state of pleasant fatigue.

To be honest, if you were to ask me whether the finished piece is "good," I would have to tilt my head in doubt. However, "It was my first oil painting, but it was so much fun. I want to keep doing this.". This much, I can say for certain.

I feel a sense of exhilaration, as if I have just barely touched the entrance to the world that artists face every day with my fingertips.

I would like to continue making time to face this 15cm canvas regularly. Logical thinking is important, but art time, which allows me to accept "something" that cannot be put into words just as it is, seems likely to become an essential "nourishment for the soul" for me.

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