Record of Studying Abroad, Finding Employment, and Obtaining Permanent Residency in the US at 57 (13) Aiming for a Doctoral Program Again!
Doctoral program, total rejection...
I haven't been able to update for a while again...
Actually, the results for the doctoral programs I applied to at the end of the year were all rejections, and I was feeling quite discouraged. Oh dear, oh dear.
It wasn't like that for my master's program, but the wall for a doctorate was thick! Especially since I had the audacity to apply only to prestigious schools in New York State (one reason being that only large-scale universities have doctoral programs in Japanese literature). That said, I had received an email from Professor O at a certain university beforehand saying that they would "welcome my application," but in reality, I was rejected. After I was rejected, I sent an email to Professor O thanking them for their support, and they replied,
"Let's definitely keep in touch with each other in the future."
They sent me that reply. (Whether it was sincere or not is unknown.) It's not just because of that, but I want to try for one more year. This time, I plan to expand my scope to the entire United States and apply to fields other than just Japanese literature. Perhaps I might even look at the whole world.
The goal is world peace initiated by a literary scholar
What I want to do in my doctoral studies is to build world peace based on post-war Japanese literature. The fact that Japan is the only country in the world to have suffered an atomic bombing, and the Okinawa problem that still continues today—the influence of these historical facts on Japanese literature is enormous, and I want to utilize that power. In other words, from the position of a literary scholar, I want to initiate and act on anti-nuclear and anti-war movements from the United States. And I want to nurture the next generation that will foster peace. Therefore, I am currently exploring whether there are ways to achieve that goal other than through a Japanese literature department. If you have any information, please let me know.
Revived like a phoenix by Nietzsche's words
By the way, yesterday I watched an explanatory video on Nietzsche's "Thus Spoke Zarathustra," and it was remarkably interesting and encouraged me when I was feeling deeply depressed, so I would like to introduce it to everyone. This video is a series delivered by a person named Kazuki Inoue, based on Ken Nishi's "Nietzsche: Thus Spoke Zarathustra" (the link is at the end).
Speaking of Nietzsche, he is the originator ofnihilism. The phrases"God is dead" and "Übermensch"are also famous. Just in case, I will introduce his brief biography.
Nietzsche was a super-elite who became a full university professor at 25, but his work "The Birth of Tragedy" at age 28 did not align with the mainstream of the academic society at the time, and he was completely shunned by the academic society and students. His friends decreased drastically, his books didn't sell, and he retired at 35 due to poor health such as severe headaches and stomachaches. He was dumped by a talented and beautiful woman at 38 and remained single for life, but perhaps using his heartbreak as a springboard, he wrote "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" at a furious speed starting the following year. (A typical example of "women rule history" can be seen here too.) He was diagnosed with mental illness at 44. After that, his works gradually began to sell, but without even being able to recognize that fact, Nietzsche died of pneumonia at 55 in madness and isolation.
That is his life in a nutshell.
Yesterday, as I was writing my master's thesis on Mishima, I absolutely needed to know Nietzsche's "tragedy." Although I thought it was a hassle, I also had a premonition that Nietzsche might be interesting. This is because I had only read "Ecce Homo," but I had the experience of laughing out loud from the beginning of that book.
When I turned the cover, the table of contents was written as follows.
"Ecce Homo" Friedrich Nietzsche
Table of Contents
Why I am so wise
Why I am so clever
Why I write such good books
...
As expected. Since his books weren't selling at all at the time of writing, I thought that being able to boast this much was proof that he wasn't sane, but this was written just before Nietzsche went insane (at 44). It is full of a "feeling that his mental state is quite damaged." And, since solemn sentences like the following appear one after another, changing hands and goods, you can read on happily without ever getting bored.
"A doctor who had treated me as a neurasthenic for a long time finally said the following: 'I was wrong! There is nothing wrong with your nerves. It was I myself who had become nervous.'"
"I cannot grasp the art of making others feel antipathy toward me... Even when I thought it would be much more appreciated if I were disliked, it didn't happen. —I can tame any bear. I can even make clowns behave."
"I have never had a wish. Is there anyone else besides me who can say that even though they are over 44, they have never suffered for honor, for women, or for money?"
Like that, it is a grand feast of wonderful sentences that an ordinary person could never write.
I will spare no effort to become happy.
Where I empathized with Nietzsche is his indomitable will. I think it's because of his madness, but even so, it is as firm as a rock. It is a world of difference from my will, which is like konjac that skips even if I think I will do muscle training every day.
"God is dead" is a phrase that originally comes from Nietzsche's total denial of Christianity, but as a result, it refers to a state (nihilism) where people lose their "supreme value (God)" and do not know what to aim for. The very idea that "there is a supreme value" is a mistake. Because "value" is just a fiction created by someone somewhere. Therefore, regardless of such "value,""I will do this" with strong desire, in other words, Nietzsche says that "desire and creation" liberate and free humans.
God, morality, status, occupation, assets, beauty or ugliness, age. Regardless of such fictional values, abandoning the idea of comparing yourself with others, andaffirming yourself completely without any basisis necessary first. And,"The correct way for humans to live is not to give up on their own desires"and"Your own desires are yourself". As far as I saw in the Inoue seminar video yesterday, this is Nietzsche's philosophy.
I thought this was amazing. Existential philosophy suits my personality, so there are many things I empathize with, but even so, the boldness to fully affirm desire and declare that it is yourself! I'm sure this personality is the reason why Nietzsche's friends decreased.
And above all, what touched my heart was the words of Mr. Nishi, the author of the book that is the basis of the video, and the part about how we can apply Nietzsche to today.
"To become happy, it is important to have an attitude of sparing no effort. Think seriously about how you can do interesting and happy things within the place and conditions you have, and try doing them."
Bang...
At that moment, I realized something. Actually, when I consulted with people around me about wanting to apply to a doctoral program, many of the reactions were like this.
"A doctorate is a place for vocational training, so it's a program for people aiming to be university professors in the future. Isn't there another path for you?"
At the root of their thinking, there must have been the premise that since I am 65, I cannot become a professor "anyway." Well, thinking about it with common sense, that can't be helped. However, Idesireto become a university faculty member if possible and contribute to world peace. To do that, there must be something I can do.
If it is the correct way of living to affirm yourself completely without any basis and not give up on your desires, what should I do now? I am thinking about that first now, and I have contacted Ebisawa-san of the divine study abroad agency TBT again, and I have also booked three IELTS exams. (My initial movement is fast, but the question is whether it will continue.)
This time it became a little long, and it might have been difficult to read. Please consider that it was because it was a crossroads in my life.
[Nietzsche: Thus Spoke Zarathustra] Inoue Seminar