Creative Techniques for Surviving the Era of Manic Depression 15 - Let Go of the Attitude of 'Learning' -

I feel that 'creation' and 'learning' are, while seemingly closely related, actually at a subtle distance from each other.

Creation is the act of expressing your inner world. It is the act of exploring your inner self and depicting the world in your own unique words.
There is a freedom there that is not bound by the evaluations of others or external standards.

However, the word 'learning' has a somewhat coercive ring to it. You must be taught by someone, you must memorize the correct answers, you must become able to do things. I feel that such a sense of duty and impatience is always attached to the word 'learning'.

In particular, from 2021 to 2022, when my depressive state was severe, I was greatly tormented by the self-imposed idea that I 'must learn'.

The impatience of 'I'm in a depressive state and can't do anything, so at least I must learn...!'
welled up in my chest and burned my body and soul.
But the more I tried to learn, the more my brain stopped taking in input.
I was just burning with impatience.
It was truly painful.

For creation, this attitude of 'learning' sometimes becomes a major barrier. The pressure of 'I must learn' robs one of a pure interest in creation. Self-denial for being a 'self that cannot do' erodes the desire to express. Creation is crushed by the heavy pressure of 'learning'.

Especially for those in a depressive state, this obsession with 'learning' becomes a heavy burden. The feeling of despair at being a self that can do nothing and learn nothing. The sense of helplessness from feeling unable to escape that. Being trapped by 'learning' makes the depressive state more serious.

That is precisely why I have come to think that it is important to let go of the 'learning' attitude in creation.Accepting that you are 'talentless' is the first step toward that.

As I wrote in my previous article, we are all 'talentless'.
No one is born with 'talent'. Everything starts from zero.

This being 'talentless' is by no means about giving up, cynicism, or anything like that.
Rather, it is precisely because we are 'talentless' that we can express ourselves freely. Instead of lamenting that 'I have no talent,' think, 'That is why I can create in my own way.' That is where the joy of creation is born.

Accepting that you are 'talentless' also means being liberated from the attitude of 'learning'.
Become free from the curse of 'I must learn'.
Enjoy just expressing yourself without fearing that you 'cannot do it.' I believe that is where the essence of creation lies.

Let go of the obsession with 'learning,' embrace your 'talentless' self, and revel in the freedom of being 'talentless.' Be released from the heavy pressure of 'learning' and dive into the joy of creation. Surely, a world of expression unique to you is spreading out there.

The obsession with 'learning' hinders creation

When we face creation, we tend to be trapped by the pressure that we 'must learn.' Drawing techniques, how to write sentences, music theory...
It feels as if many 'things that must be learned' are standing in the way of creation.

The obsession that 'I must learn' creates a fear of creation.
Thinking things like, 'I have no right to create because I haven't learned anything yet,' or 'It is foolish to express without learning.'
And that fear makes one hesitate to take the first step toward creation.

Once this fear takes root, it is very troublesome. It is truly troublesome.
You notice other people's work, and you become unable to create yourself due to fear. A vicious cycle is born.

Being trapped by 'learning' also leads to self-denial for being a 'self that cannot do.' You cannot acquire new techniques, you cannot express yourself as you wish. At such times, we tend to blame ourselves, saying, 'I cannot do it.'

And that self-denial robs us of the desire to create.
Self-denial leads to a depressive state, and a depressive state leads to reflection on life itself. This is also extremely dangerous mentally.

Looking back, I started creating when I began making novels and manga by myself in elementary school, and I shouldn't have had any thoughts of 'trying to learn' back then.
I was just satisfied with being free, and with myself, the manga I liked, and the manga characters I created being 'connected' somewhere.
However, when I started creating as an adult, 'learning' became a prerequisite before I knew it. Being evaluated by others became a prerequisite. Making money became a prerequisite.
Before I knew it, I was trapped inside a cramped prison.

Especially when in a depressive state, this obsession with 'learning' becomes a heavy burden. Originally, creation should be the joy of expressing oneself.
However, the pressure of 'I must learn' robs one of that joy. In a depressive state, the feeling of despair at being a 'self that cannot learn' further erodes the desire to create.

I myself have long been troubled by this curse of 'learning.' When I draw, the thought 'I must study art more' crosses my mind. When I write, the anxiety that 'I must attend a writing class' tightens my heart. This pressure to 'learn' has robbed me of the joy of creation.
When I first started my pastel drawings, I was bound by thoughts like 'I must start with sketching' or 'I must learn by copying,' and before I knew it, I was obsessed with 'wanting to be seen well by others' and was chasing after 'learning.'

However, I realized something one day: 'learning' is not necessary for creation.
All that is needed is the courage to express your inner world and the sincerity toward the world to depict the nature before your eyes.

I believe that true freedom in creation begins when you are liberated from the curse of 'I must learn.'Let go of being trapped by techniques and knowledge, and just express yourself in your own way. Isn't that where the joy of creation lies?

Creation dominated by an obsession with 'learning' is never free. Rather, it is when we are released from that curse that we can create freely.

Therefore, please let go of the spell 'I must learn' right now. Instead, try chanting the spell: 'Just, simply, wholeheartedly, let me express myself.'

Surely, creation will become freer and more fun. When you are freed from the burden of 'learning,' a world of expression unique to you will unfold.

Gaining 'freedom' by letting go of the attitude of 'learning'

When you become free from the curse of 'I must learn,' a pure interest in creation wells up.
The anxiety about acquiring techniques and knowledge disappears, and your interest in 'simply expressing' itself increases.
'What color would be interesting to use?' 'What would happen if I arranged these words this way?' Such simple questions become the driving force of creation.

You will also be able to taste the joy of expressing yourself freely without fearing 'not being able to do it.'
When I was trapped in the attitude of 'learning,' the fear of 'not being able to do it' was always with me.
However, when I was liberated from that curse, 'not being able to do it' was no longer something to fear, but rather turned into the joy of a challenge. The fun of stepping into unknown expressions, the joy of unexpected discoveries.
Such experiences make creation richer.

And above all, you will be able to face creation in a relaxed manner while enjoying being 'untalented.'
There is no need to lament that you 'lack talent.'
Rather, you realize that it is precisely because you are 'untalented' that you can express yourself freely. Freed from evaluations like 'good' or 'bad,' you simply enjoy your own expression. Isn't that where the original joy of creation lies?

For me personally, when I let go of the attitude of 'learning,' creation became fun. When I draw, the anxiety of 'I must study art' disappeared, and I began to feel the joy of simply layering colors. When I write, I became free from the curse of 'I must attend a writing class' or 'I must learn from books,' and I began to enjoy weaving words and purely writing down what I want to convey.

Accepting your 'untalented' self and expressing yourself to the fullest.
At that moment, creation becomes free and fun, just like play.

Of course, there will be times when your expression doesn't go well. There will be times when you can't create the work you imagined. But that is precisely when it is important to affirm your 'lack of talent' without being trapped by the attitude of 'learning.' Instead of thinking, 'I couldn't do it, so I must learn,' you can think, 'I couldn't do it, but it was fun.'
I believe that is the driving force to continue creating.

Being liberated from the curse of 'learning.' That is to regain the freedom and joy of creation. Please enjoy to your heart's content the happiness of embracing your 'untalented' self and expressing yourself freely.

Surely, creation will become more familiar and an 'act to be loved' in your daily life.

The joy of creation lies beyond 'learning' and 'lack of talent'

Beyond being liberated from the curse of 'learning' and accepting your 'lack of talent,' the true joy of creation awaits.

As I have repeatedly stated, the curse of 'learning' always creates anxiety that 'I must get better.' You aim for perfection and fear what you cannot do.
On the other hand, the curse of 'talent' creates a sense of despair about 'being untalented.'
You lament that you lack innate talent and blame yourself. However, when you become free from both, the essence of creation becomes visible.

Creation is the joy of producing your own unique expression. Not being taught by someone, not comparing yourself to someone, just pursuing your own self. The irreplaceable sense of fulfillment found in that process.

I believe that is the real thrill of creation.

There is no need to panic and feel that you 'must learn.' There is no need to lament that you 'lack talent.'

What is important is to listen to your inner voice and explore your own unique expression. That is an act that is free in every sense.
Techniques and knowledge will come naturally during that process. In fact, by trying to 'learn,' you may sometimes lose sight of your true self.

That is why being 'untalented' is not a shame.
The joy of being able to express yourself freely without being trapped by the framework of 'talent.' The happiness of being released from the curse of 'must learn' and being able to fully enjoy creation from scratch. Please savor this 'privilege of the untalented' to the fullest. Being a beginner is not a shame; it is a happy thing.

For me personally, once I accepted that I was 'untalented,' creation became incredibly fun. Paintings I used to worry about because I 'couldn't draw well' started to feel like, 'Ah, I am drawing like myself.' Writing I had given up on because I 'lacked literary talent' started to feel like, 'I am weaving this with my own words.'

That is an irreplaceable joy I found while pursuing my own unique expression. I believe it is a satisfaction of the heart that cannot be measured by external standards like 'learning' or 'talent.'

Please do not fear being 'untalented.' Please enjoy 'not learning' without feeling guilty. Exploring the expression that only you have, in the way that only you can.
That process itself is the joy of creation.

Beyond the curse of 'learning' and 'talent,' true creative freedom spreads out.

Letting go of the attitude of 'learning' is gaining the attitude of 'living'

Be released from the obsession with 'learning' and enjoy creation to the fullest.
Accept being 'untalented' and pursue your own unique expression. Such a way of being is an attitude that applies not only to creation but to life in general.

Living like yourself means becoming free from the obsession with 'learning.'
Acknowledging your 'untalented' self and enjoying your life as a 'game.' Creation may be the first step toward that, and a mirror that reflects the way of life itself.

Letting go of 'learning' and accepting being 'untalented.' That choice might seem regressive at first glance.

What you must be careful about is that this is not about 'discarding' learning, but 'trying to let go' of learning.

In fact, that is the courageous first step toward opening up your own unique creation and your own unique life.

Instead of lamenting that you 'lack talent,' think, 'Because I am untalented, I can live freely.' Instead of panicking that you 'must learn,' believe, 'Because I do not learn, I can enjoy life.'
Such a shift in perspective opens new doors.

Facing creation amidst the waves of bipolar disorder. That may not be an easy path. I, too, have been tossed about by the waves of bipolar disorder, shipwrecked, and have somehow survived until today through creation.
The joy of being 'untalented' that one finds in the days of 'bipolar shipwreck' might just be the fuel to survive this new 'era of bipolar disorder.'

Be released from the curse of 'learning' and become free from the pressure of 'talent.'

Such a way of creation will surely lead to a way of life.

My book, 'A Bipolar Patient's Shipwreck Diary,' chronicles the journey until I was released from the attitude of 'learning' and discovered the joy of 'untalented creation.'

Read a sample here

This book is not just my personal experience, but a message for everyone who suffers from the same curse of 'learning,' intended to liberate their creation and their life.

While crawling out from the depths of depression, I keenly felt how the obsession that I 'must learn' hinders creativity.
Self-denial for being a 'self that cannot do' steals the desire for expression. I have been tormented by that vicious cycle for a long time.

However, by accepting my 'lack of talent,' everything changed. I stopped lamenting that I 'have no talent' and found the joy of simply expressing myself in my own way. I let go of the 'learning' attitude and started enjoying creation as 'play.' In doing so, I have come to taste an irreplaceable sense of fulfillment.

This book contains the trial and error I went through to arrive at 'creation without talent' amidst the waves of bipolar disorder. The days of struggling to choose 'not to learn' and live freely.

There must be many people who, like me, are troubled by the pressure of 'learning.' The courage to be free from 'learning.' The resolve to accept 'lack of talent.' A new way of creation and life that begins from there.

If this book can serve as a trigger for taking a step toward that, there is nothing that would make me happier.