--The reason for those tears.

Am I unable to even walk the path I chose for myself?
It seems the wall I thought I had overcome is standing before me once again.
Or is there something else making me think that?
That demon I knew was inside me, yet pretended not to see,
is sneering, telling me to taste it once more.
In a more cruel way than ever before,
telling me to abandon that path,
telling me it would be easier if I did,
asking if I thought I was omnipotent,
telling me that since I cannot do it, I should just quit.

Those who walk far ahead are so dazzling,
and compared to them, I, who am nobody, was here in reality.
I should have believed that "if I walk the right path, I too will eventually become like them,"
and used that as my own nourishment,
but my emotions would not allow it.

What I could do until yesterday, I could not do this morning.
Impatience and a misplaced sense of inferiority are adding to the pressure.

However, what is the purpose of these tears that keep flowing?
Even though my heart is bleeding, the tears I catch in my hands are clear.

I knew that this moment would come.
This is a trial...

Turning these endless tears into a prayer.

I will overcome this.

So please, for now,
lend me your hand, just for a little while.

Thank you for reading.

2025.07.16 Added an update.

Shiina Otowa, who does audio streaming, read this aloud for me.

A wonderful voice that gently embraces you.

Each and every word resonates more deeply in my heart.
I want to savor it again and again.

Shiina-san, thank you so much!