[How to Build a Life from 36] #5 A 36-Year-Old Housewife's Quiet Revolution—What I Gave Up in Exchange for Publishing

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The "story so far" in 10 seconds

Thrilled by my "assigned editor"

When I was called to the editorial department, two people, a man and a woman, were waiting for me.

They said they were my "assigned editors."

At those words, my heart leaped.
When I think of assigned editors, I think of Akira Toriyama and Kazuhiko Torishima (Dr. Mashirito). Could a relationship like theirs be starting for me now...!? I couldn't suppress my excitement at such delusions.

Somehow calming those feelings, I handed over the business card I had made for the first time. It was my debut as "Hiyoko Hina."

Let's start with a blog series

They told me they would accompany me to turn my "Hiyoko project" into a book.

At the time, "Rilakkuma" (Aki Kondo / San-X) and others were huge hits, and there was a demand for "healing picture books" and "healing 4-panel comics" that affirmed a "relaxed life," "taking it easy," and "lounging around."

We decided to start by serializing it on the blog, and for now, we parted ways.

But seriously, I was f-i-n-a-l-l-y making my debut as an author!

How could I not be excited about this?

A Waning Marriage

What awaited me when I returned home, still buzzing with excitement, was my usual daily routine. But that routine was gradually beginning to feel unbearable.

Here, I would like to touch upon my married life at the time.

My husband was seven years older than me. At the time of our marriage (1994), he was, for all intents and purposes, the trendy 'three-high' man (high education, high income, high stature).

At 24, when I first met him, I was over the moon.

I felt as if I had claimed all the happiness in the world for myself. I felt like reciting a poem about a 'full moon that never wanes,' much like Michinaga in 'Dear Radiance,' while admiring the moon.

But the moon waned in the blink of an eye.

A 'Cute Woman' is a 'Convenient Woman'

What he wanted in a wife was simply a 'cute (convenient) woman' who would obediently listen to him and follow his lead.

If I had been that kind of woman, perhaps everything would have worked out smoothly and both parties would have been happy, but unfortunately, that was not the case.

For instance, lines that would absolutely be rejected if written in a script for a modern drama were spouted daily.

'It's unsightly for a woman to drink and get drunk, so don't go out drinking.'
'You're just doing housework at home anyway, so it doesn't matter what you wear.'
'With convenience stores around, I wouldn't be in trouble even if I didn't have a wife.'

An Era When Male Chauvinism Was 'Normal'

However, I don't think such men were rare at the time. I often heard acquaintances complain about their husbands. Of course, there were understanding husbands back then, but there were many stories that made me think my situation was much better by comparison.

For example, stories about husbands who held complete control over the wallet, giving their wives only the bare minimum for living expenses. There were even wives who didn't know how much their husbands earned.

The Problem Also Lay Within Women

And the problem was that it wasn't just men who held the belief that 'women should support men and live to serve them.'

I was sometimes told by older women, 'You're no good because you're too smart. If you just acted blank and looked like you didn't know anything, you'd be popular with men.'

So, when I actually acted 'blank,' the one I caught was my husband.

The curse that haunted me—'If I show my true self, I'll be hated'—might have been a curse born of that era.

When a woman gives up on a man

When I told my husband, 'I'm going to publish a book,' he naturally didn't believe me.

He never believed in things outside his own scope of understanding. He even asked, 'Are you okay? Aren't you being scammed?'

A man of his type wants his wife to stay within his reach. If she were to stand out more than him or try to move ahead, he would stop her with all his might.

So, for a woman who wants to move forward, the question becomes whether she really needs a husband who tries to keep her from getting ahead of him.

The argument of a man who refuses to acknowledge a woman who says, 'That's impossible'

As an aside, a common trope in Chinese short dramas is that the husband doesn't know, but the wife is actually a 'wealthy heiress' or a 'charismatic business leader.'

Even after the wife's true identity is revealed later, the husband still doesn't believe it. Even when presented with various pieces of evidence, he just keeps repeating, 'That's impossible.'

I'm not sure if that lack of vocabulary is the fault of the screenwriter or the setting, but I think it just goes to show how simple the thinking of a 'man who wants to downgrade a woman' is.

When you gain something, you must give something up

I'm neither an heiress nor a charismatic leader, but I felt like I could somehow make it on my own. I realized I didn't want to live under this person's protection anymore.

Because of that, the divorce proceedings ended up moving forward at the same time as the publishing project.

Furthermore, as if to push the divorce along, a favorable opportunity came my way.

I'll talk about that next time.

Bonus: The Path to Publication Told Through Picture Diaries

Reading the process of how the proposal was accepted up to this point, it might seem like it went through quite easily, but that is not the case.

In the first place, there were many twists and turns before settling on the "Chick Proposal." Even though I attended a writing course to brush up on my "Chick Picture Diary," I didn't think of the proposal as being about the chick. It's strange to think about now.

I would like to look back on those "twists and turns" using the picture diaries from that time.

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For those who don't want to regret their marriage, thinking it wasn't supposed to be like this. Or a magazine collecting notes for people currently struggling with married life

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