My body taught me when my heart was struggling.

—Creating peace of mind through 'somatic awareness' × 'self-dialogue'—
I'm Hiroka Hagiwara (Hime-chan) ^^


Today,
I'm sharing a story about how I ignored my body's signals,
my heart reached its limit,
and I truly, deeply reflected on it...!

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Currently, I am
juggling three part-time jobs 😌

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Some of my workplaces don't restrict my working hours
(I'm free to go home when I finish my work)

and I'm often allowed to work
at my own pace,
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

so as someone who isn't good at conforming to others,
I'm grateful to be able to work
while leveraging my own characteristics.
(Super, super grateful...!)
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ


With that kind of setup, since last June (!)
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ


I've been working, working, working,
and working away
(by Sanae)
⠀ ⠀

In early March,
I felt, 'My body feels a bit heavy...'
...is what I felt.
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Thinking back, I only took one day off a week, telling myself, 'It's only about 6 hours of work a day,' and even on that one day, if I went out, I wouldn't have any time to relax at home...
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
🌷　　🌷　　🌷　
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
And then at the beginning of April,

'I can't seem to breathe deeply,'
'My upper body feels heavy,'

it started with those feelings of discomfort,
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
'I really don't want to go to work...'
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
'Oh, I can't seem to create the explanation sheet (for my session) properly...'

(To all my students, I'm sorry for keeping you waiting)
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

'I have thoughts I want to share, but I feel so exhausted that I can't post anything...'
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
→ This is an emergency...! I realized, and finally, it was a forced shutdown ⚡️

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
Hmm.

In this state,

nothing I do will go well...!
Feeling that,

I requested acupuncture from a teacher I trust.
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
Even the teacher said,

'Wait, was your body's range of motion always this limited?'
(= meaning my body was stiff)
and I deeply reflected on it.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

The consequences of not having done any body maintenance for about a year and a half
had come back to haunt me,

and my body was angry.
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

What I felt through this experience is

that to enjoy living and being alive,
my body really needs to feel light...!
That is what I felt.
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Not just my heart,
but my body is also my precious ally
٩(๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵๑)۶


👸
'Your breathing is getting shallow!'
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
👸
'Your body is stiff. Loosen up your arms!'
⠀ ⠀

Even though you (my body) were gently telling me like that,
'You shouldn't push yourself any further,'
⠀ ⠀
No matter how much I suppressed my fatigue and discomfort,

you were always, for such a long time,
working hard on my behalf, weren't you.
⠀ ⠀
⠀ ⠀
I'm so sorry for ignoring you.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
From now on,

when my heart is struggling,
I will become someone who can also notice
your struggles too.
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
—Let's have plenty of dialogue with the body too—

I vowed that.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

When my heart is struggling,
I tend to only look back
at things in the world of the heart.
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

But the body is a presence
that tells us about the struggle
before the heart does, isn't it ٩(๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵๑)۶
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

After getting acupuncture
and restarting my home yoga,
my breathing deepened,
and now I'm back to my energetic self 💪✨
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

I feel like the path ahead
is bright and open ✨🌿

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
My body, which always works so hard for me.
⠀ ⠀

'Aren't you tired?'
'Is anything hurting?'

Try asking those questions in the bath or before going to sleep,
and try to pick up on your body's voice.
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

May you
be able to connect
with the other you 🤴❤️👸