Solving Worries with Adlerian Psychology / A Man Stuck Between Marriage and Buying a Condo

The 100 Million Yen Destiny: Life's Challenges of Love and Housing

The young man was troubled. He had a roadmap in mind, defined by the keywords of marriage and buying a home.

His goal was to get married at 28 and buy a condo in the city center at 35.

However, he had passed his target age without finding a marriage partner, and on top of that, the average price of a new condo in the city center had exceeded 100 million yen.

Introduction: The Young Man, Frustrated Between Ideals and Reality

【Young Man】
Philosopher! I have come here today in complete despair.
Adler divided life's tasks into three: 'work,' 'friendship,' and 'love,' saying that the difficulty increases as you go down the list, right?

Right now, I am truly caught in the bottomless swamp of that 'task of love.'

That is not all. I once drew up a modest roadmap for my life.

Get married at 28, and buy a home as the master of my own castle at 35. But look at reality.

I passed 28 long ago, and I don't even see a shadow of a marriage partner.

Furthermore, when I look at the city to buy a home, new condos in the city center are over 100 million yen!

What are you telling an ordinary person like me to do?

Isn't being born in this era the greatest misfortune of all?

Main Argument: The Separation of Tasks and the True Nature of 'Love'

【Philosopher】
(Sipping tea quietly) I see. I understand well that you feel intense frustration and impatience regarding the 'changes of the era' and the 'delays in your life plan.'

However, let's think about this calmly.

Aren't you currently mixing 'not being able to buy a 100 million yen condo' and 'not finding a marriage partner' together as one giant misfortune?

【Young Man】 It's impossible not to mix them! Who on earth would follow a man who can't even buy a house? In this day and age, housing and marriage are directly linked issues!

【Philosopher】 No, they can be clearly separated. Please remember what Adler called the 'separation of tasks.'

First, the fact that new condos in the city center exceed 100 million yen is a 'social fact' that you cannot control.

And whether or not you find a partner involves another person, so it is not something you can 100% control with your own will alone.

What you truly need to face is only your own task: 'how will I act' in the face of those facts?

【Young Man】 That's just empty talk!
Then how should I face this 'task of love'?
Isn't a man without the financial power of 100 million yen unable to even stand at the starting line of love?

【Philosopher】 You view 'love' as a conditional transaction or perhaps as a possession.

That is why you are afraid that you cannot obtain love unless the condition of a '100 million yen house' is met.

The reason Adler's 'task of love' is considered the most difficult is because it means 'changing the subject from
I
to
We
.'

It is not selfish happiness, nor is it altruistic happiness of serving the other.

It is the resolve to discard your former self and build a new relationship so that both of you can be happy. That is the task of love. What you are afraid of is not that you won't find a partner, but rather,isn't it that you are afraid of being rejected by the other as an 'incomplete self without the right conditions,' in other words, afraid of stepping into the task of love and getting hurt?

Conclusion: Discarding the Attachment Known as a Roadmap

【Young Man】 (Stammering, clenching his fists) ...You say I am afraid of getting hurt? Certainly, it is scary to have my annual income and future potential denied.

Perhaps I was trying to challenge love only after putting on the perfect armor of 'buying a house at 35.'

But, Philosopher. How should I accept a life that doesn't go according to plan?

Marriage at 28 and a home at 35 have already collapsed.

【Philosopher】
Young man, life is not a single line (a roadmap). It is a series of moments called 'here and now.'

Just because you couldn't get married at 28 does not mean your life is a failure.
Even if you don't buy a 100 million yen house at 35, there are countless ways to create a space to live with someone you care about. It could be a rental, in the suburbs, or a renovated used property.

Philosopher's words
You must not be bound by the phantom of the past called 'the plan you once envisioned,' be afraid of the future number called '100 million yen,' and run away from the current task of 'building a relationship with the person in front of you here and now.'

Stop looking for a partner based on conditions.

And you yourself must not be afraid of being judged by conditions.

Simply trust others and contribute to others. When you have the courage to do that, you will be freed from the curse of the number 100 million yen.

【Young Man】 ...Live here and now.
The courage to step into the relationship itself, not the conditions, is that it...?

Your words are as harsh as ever, but they seem to have calmed the impatience in my chest just a little. I will try to look at my own feet once more.

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