Supporting Children's Challenges! Parents as Supporters Standing by Their Side
"Is this really the right choice?"
Watching over what a child has decided for themselves takes courage for a parent.
It is not easy to suppress the urge to speak up.
But what I arrived at was this stance:
"Parents should stand by their side as supporters, not as directors."
I believe that by providing the "sense of security of being right there," children can find the courage to take on challenges.
This time, I will share the theme of Mako's 10 Laws #3:
"Parents stand by their side as supporters.".
This article is the 4th episode of the "Parenting Science to Develop Self-Esteem | Mako's 10 Laws" series.
▼ The previous episode is here
The Attitude of a Supporter
After asking my child, "What do you want to do?", I try to respect their answer as much as possible.
Even if it is a choice different from what I expected.
Of course, there are times when it cannot be fulfilled due to financial circumstances or time constraints.
In such cases, after telling them honestly, I think together with them, "Then, how can we make it happen?"
Finding a middle ground that both parties can agree on is also a wonderful form of support.
For example, "entrance exams" are a classic theme where parents and children often have different opinions.
"Private or public?"
"Can you balance it with club activities?"
"Is that school really okay?"
In many families, these exchanges are repeated.
As parents, we tend to want to recommend "stable choices" and "safe paths."
But children themselves sometimes wish to "take on a challenge" or "continue doing what they love."
In my family's case, my eldest son is currently preparing for high school entrance exams.
Since he was in elementary school, he had two dreams:
"I want to continue sports in high school."
"And I want to go to XX University."
I told him frankly:
"Honestly, it's very difficult to balance those two. How will you achieve it?"
Having realized the severity of entrance exams with my eldest daughter, this challenge seemed steep to me.
But my eldest son replied, "I don't want to give up on either! I want to challenge myself!" and he is now focusing on his studies.
And recently, a change came over his feelings.
"I'm quitting sports in junior high. I'm going to do music in high school!" he suddenly declared.
It seems he felt he had done all he could with that sport.
Honestly, as a mother, I was shaken.
But it was his own choice.
So, while pretending to be calm, I replied, "That's great too! It means your world has expanded!"
Children's feelings fluctuate.
From sports to studies, from studies to art.
Dreams and career paths change.
That is why what a parent can do is not to give instructions as a "director," but to continue to stay by their side as a
supporter
.
I believe that the sense of security that they will be accepted no matter the result leads to the child's courage to take on challenges.
The Meaning of Staying by a Child's Side and Running Alongside Them
Parents should not stand in front and show the way, but stand beside them and run alongside them.
That attitude fosters the confidence in children that "I can choose and walk my own path."
The parent's role is not to provide the perfect answer.
"There is someone who will keep thinking with me."
That sense of security becomes a great support for the child.
This article was the 4th episode of "Parenting Science to Develop Self-Esteem | Mako's 10 Laws."
▶ Next, the 5th episode is here
▶ The 1st episode is here
I have compiled them to make it easier to find articles you are interested in.
▼ The overall picture of this series is here
★ I would be happy if you could also read this series ★
Thank you for always reading!
I would be happy if you came back again.