The moment you forget why you are doing something, it becomes a burden. It was my daughter's 'pencil' that made me realize this.

When my daughter was three years old.
She started holding a pencil for the first time.

My basic stance is that children learn on their own, so
my educational policy is to basically let children do as they please.
On the other hand, my wife is the type who
wants them to do things the right way
from as early an age as possible.

When she started holding a pencil,
my wife tried to attach a tool to the pencil that would help her hold it correctly
and make her use it.

However,
my daughter hated it and wouldn't do it at all.
I didn't know if something was bothering her,
but after that, the time she spent holding a pencil decreased.

One day, some time later,
she started holding a pencil on her own again and began writing letters.

I think it's probably because she learned to write various things at kindergarten.

She was doing it because it was fun. That was all.
Seeing that, I suddenly thought.

Isn't this exactly the same for adults?

When the 'why' becomes blurred, people can no longer move.

I have had a similar experience on this note platform myself.
At first, I wrote because I wanted to write.

I wanted to organize my thoughts. I wanted to broaden my perspective.
I wanted to view myself objectively by putting things into words.

That was my motivation.

But gradually, it started to feel empty.
Even if I wrote, no one would read it.
No matter how much I polished my writing, the reaction didn't change.
As I wrote, I realized that my internal motivation of wanting to write had shifted
to an external motivation of expecting a reaction from someone.

In other words,
the idea that 'I have to reach people' had crept in.

Once that happened, rather than the content of the writing,
I felt I had to increase my followers. I became concerned about the number of likes.

Ultimately, I was thinking about
connecting it to some kind of business.

From that moment on, my writing started to change.
I tried using words that would provoke readers, or for some reason, I tried to wrap up my conclusions neatly.
While writing, I felt a constant sense of distress.

Previously, writing left me feeling refreshed or filled with a sense of accomplishment,
but now, I felt like I was in an infinite hell where I couldn't get any satisfaction
no matter how much I wrote, and I could always find endless points to improve.

The feeling of 'Why am I doing this again?' was always there.

External rewards overwrite the 'why'.

I think this kind of situation happens easily when you become an adult.
I believe this is because the number of things involving responsibility increases.

Work becomes 'for the sake of living'.
Child-rearing becomes 'I must do it correctly'.

When daily life is dominated by this kind of thinking,
it is even possible that hobbies start to become things where you must be good at them or must produce results.

The feeling of 'I like this' that was originally inside you is replaced by external standards before you know it.

In psychology, there is a concept called the overjustification effect.
It is a phenomenon where internal motivation is quietly overwritten by external rewards or evaluations.

In the book 'The Map of Effort,' such an example appears.

There was a boy who loved soccer and practiced every day because improving was fun.
One day, he learned that if he became a soccer player, he could make a living with money.
From then on, his interpretation changed to 'it's meaningless if I can't become a pro'.
The feeling he had at first, 'I kick because I like to kick,' had disappeared before he knew it.

However, what this book is conveying is not that external rewards are bad.
Even if there are rewards, if you do not lose sight of the purpose of 'why you are doing it,' your motivation is protected. The problem is when the purpose is swapped.

What I experienced on note, and my daughter disliking her pencil, are structurally probably the same.
The engine that was driving you has beenswapped for something else without you knowing.
When that happens, it might be natural to lose your motivation.

Running, yet lost

The troublesome part is that the actions continue.
I am working. I am raising children. I am continuing to post.
But it is painful. There is no sense of fulfillment. I feel like something is always off.

I think this is the state of 'running, yet lost'.

You keep running while forgetting your destination.
When you started running, and why you are running, both become vague before you realize it.

There was a follower who wrote an article on the same theme.

'The moment you make a means your life's purpose, you become lost.'

The moment I saw this title, I thought, yes, that's it.

Inside the article, there is a passage like this.

'What was truly important was not who I would become, but what state I wanted to live in.'

The structure was the same as what I had experienced on note.
To have where you are heading in mind first, rather than how you are running.
If that slips away, no matter how much you run, you will remain lost.

Keep your own 'why' with you

Because of this experience,
there is one thing I value about note.
It is to never forget the starting point: 'I write because I want to write.'

Of course, I also have a desire to reach many people. I also care about my follower count.
However, when those priorities are reversed, writing suddenly becomes painful.
I have experienced many times the feeling that 'the moment I try to reach others, I drift away from my writing.'

When your purpose shifts outward, you lose your center.
I believe this can happen to anyone who is trying to continue doing something, not just on note.

If something has been feeling difficult lately, it might not be a bad idea to ask yourself, 'Why am I doing this again?'

You don't have to find the answer right away.

And if you find yourself filled with external motivations,
I want you to praise yourself for working so hard, even at the cost of your own well-being.

I believe that is a step toward listening to your own voice little by little.

If reading this article helped you remember your own 'why,' I would be happy if you could let me know with a like or a comment.