[Dating Fatigue] While continuing to use matching apps, I became better at "risk management" than romance

When I first started using matching apps,

"I hope I can meet someone nice."

That was how I felt.

However,

as I continued my activities,

there was something I mastered before any dating techniques.

That was,

how not to get hurt.

Before I knew it,

I had become able to run a sad PDCA cycle.

One hour on the train. What awaited me was a "screen with no read receipt"

One day,

I had plans with a man I met on a matching app.

To the meeting place,

it was about an hour by train.

It was a bit far, but,

"I wonder what kind of person he is."

I had that expectation as well.

I arrived on time.

"I've arrived!"

I sent a message.

There was no reply.

5 minutes.

10 minutes.

15 minutes.

I sent another one.

Still, there was no reply.

They didn't answer the phone either.

I have been blocked.

Just like that,

it was a fade-out.

Around me,

there were people happily waiting to meet someone.

I was all alone,

staring only at my smartphone.

The train ride home,

felt much longer than the ride there.

"What did I do wrong?"

That was all I could think about.

The sad PDCA cycle that started from there

Since then,

I made one rule.

On the day of the meeting,

before leaving the house,

"I look forward to seeing you today!"

I send a message.

I leave the house once I get a reply.

If I don't get a reply,

I wait a little while to see what happens.

Thinking about it now,

rather than romance,

it's risk management.

Normally,

"I'm excited!"

is how I should feel when leaving the house, but

I,

started checking to make sure I wouldn't be stood up before heading out.

It's a sad PDCA cycle, isn't it?

Every time I got hurt, my personal rules increased.

That's not all.

As I continued my activities,

my own personal rules kept increasing.

・Meet during the day whenever possible for the first time

・Do not meet in places that are too far away

・Do not set the meeting point near the other person's house

・Do not trust someone based on LINE alone

・Do not get your hopes up based only on a profile

・Do not fall in love before meeting

Instead of learning how to be good at romance,

I only learned how to avoid getting hurt.

An incident that made me think, "There are people like that too"

Recently,

a short video from a marriage hunting YouTube channel popped up.

It was a personal story about someone who,

on a first date,

had the other person leave without paying for the meal.

Furthermore,

it was about someone who came to the meeting place,

saw the person from a distance, decided they weren't their type,

and just went home and faded out.

That was also something we talked about.

*This is the personal experience of the video creator.

I haven't had experiences to that extent.

But,

"So there really are people like that."

The moment I thought that,

I remembered my former self.

The anxiety I felt back then,

"I wonder if they'll actually show up today."

that kind of anxiety.

Honestly, I was envious of people who were in natural relationships.

Friends from my student days.

Workplace romances.

People who met naturally through hobbies.

Every time I heard stories like that,

I felt a little envious.

People who can get a partner,

without using matching apps.

People who don't have to experience,

the fear of meeting a stranger for the first time.

Honestly,

"I like this person."

I have thought that many times.

Precisely because we are strangers,

even if someone doesn't keep their promise,

we might never see each other again for the rest of our lives.

That kind of unreasonableness,

I found a little scary at the time.

But, it's not that matching apps are bad

Of course,

it's not that matching apps are bad.

In fact,

there are many people who get married through apps.

There are people around me who have too.

However,

I just got a little tired.

Even though I should be in love,

I was only thinking about ways not to get hurt.

That was because that state of mind had been continuing.

I decided to change the way I "meet people"

That is why I,

did not give up on romance,

but decided to change how I meet people.

I chose a marriage agency.

The thing that gave me the most peace of mind was,

"having a matchmaker in between."

That was it.

An environment where keeping promises is the norm.

An environment where there is someone to consult when you are in trouble.

An environment where you do not have to carry everything on your own.

That was what suited me at the time.

What I want to tell my past self

Looking back now,

it is not that I was bad at romance.

It is just that,

I was trying a little too hard.

Every time I got hurt,

I added more rules to protect myself.

I tried not to have expectations.

I tried not to trust too much.

I kept repeating

such sad PDCA cycles.

If you are currently

feeling just as exhausted by matching apps,

it is okay if you don't force yourself to continue.

You don't have to give up on love.

However,

changing how you meet peopleis also an option.

Because of that,

my life started to move forward little by little.

📖 Read more here

I ultimately decided

not to use matching apps, but

to change my "environment for meeting people."I decided to change it.

As a result,

I started working with a marriage agency,

and received a proposal about four months later.

Including my time spent dating, I was able to get married after a six-year journey.

Why did I,

at that time, choose a marriage agency?

Things that surprised me when I actually joined.

What changed in the final year.

I have compiled all of that

into a marriage hunting manual.

💍The method I, who spent 6 years on marriage hunting, used to reach marriage in the final1year