At 24, I had reached my limit

“Maybe I can’t do this anymore.”

Even while thinking that, I kept pushing myself to work.

I wanted to do my job properly. I wanted to meet expectations. I didn't want to be a burden.
Driven by those feelings, I spent my days saying, “I’m fine.”

But in reality, I wasn't fine.

I was physically exhausted, I had no emotional breathing room, and I felt like I might break if I kept going like this.
Holding onto that anxiety, I still couldn't let go of the “person who has it all together.”

Since I was a child, I was good at enduring things.
Enduring had become second nature, to the point where I didn't even realize I was doing it.

Perhaps I felt that even thinking “this is hard” was wrong...
As if I just wasn't enduring enough.


Besides, I think I was afraid to be honest. If I told people what I was really thinking,
my evaluation might drop.
I might be seen as selfish.
I might stop being entrusted with work.
My income might decrease.
Thinking that I might be told to just quit
left me paralyzed with anxiety.


At that time, a senior colleague invited me out, saying, “Let’s stop by a cafe on the way home!”

“Ucchi, you’re still young, so maybe you’ve been fine until now without voicing your own opinions. But you know, you should really express what you’re thinking and what you want to do in your own words.”

She must have seen through my anxious, troubled state. She said those words to me gently and casually.

In the cafe that evening, with many people chatting around us, I didn't care who was watching; tears just started streaming down my face.
It was the moment the tension I had been holding onto finally overflowed as tears.

Those words became a major turning point for me.


And what was most shocking of all was
that I might not have even understood “what I was thinking” in the first place.

Afraid of discord with those around me, afraid of what my boss might think, I always put my own opinions and feelings last.

I just smiled, acted in a way that was convenient and inoffensive, and merely kept up appearances on the surface.
Was I really present there?
Where am I?

The autumn I was 24...

The night my senior colleague said those words, I decided to face myself.
What is it that I find so hard?
What do I want to protect, and what kind of person do I want to be?

Driven only by the defensive instinct of not wanting to be disliked, I had lost sight of my own true feelings.



I wondered what I would do if I kept pushing myself and ended up unable to work.

For the first time, I thought, “I need to be honest in order to keep working.”
And so, I gathered my courage and told my boss.

That my current state was honestly difficult.
That I wanted to adjust how I worked a little.

It was still scary to say it.
But they listened to me much more than I had expected.
I will never forget the sense of relief I felt when they said, “I didn't know you felt that way! I'm glad you told me.”

As a result, I was able to rethink how I worked.
My income changed a little, but in exchange, I gained room in my heart and body.

It’s strange, but when you have room to breathe, your perspective widens, and the way you approach work changes too.
I stopped trying to force myself and started working in a way that allowed me to continue. That feeling began to change.

Life, work, and money are all connected.

If you try to force one of them to hold everything up, something else will become distorted. By being honest with myself, I feel like I’m gradually finding balance.

I’m glad I gathered the courage to speak up back then.

Being honest wasn't a weakness; it was a choice to protect my future.


That was the story of when I, at 24 and just starting my career, first hit the wall of society.

Even now, my senior colleague’s words from that time occasionally come to mind.
How are you feeling right now? How do you want to live?
They make me stop and think.

And now, I tell my junior colleagues:
“Don't keep pushing yourself; make choices that allow you to keep going.”

Please take a look at this too.
A past where I had a habit of enduring and finding things painful.