Why Does Bullying Occur in Groups? — How to Avoid 'Looking the Other Way'

Introduction — May 2015: A School-wide Talk on Bullying

May 2015.
This was a talk I gave at a school-wide assembly during my first year at the first school where I served as principal.

Forty days since the start of the new school year.
This period, just after Golden Week, is when the initial tension of the new school year begins to fade. While friendships start to solidify, it is also a time when interpersonal issues that were previously less visible—such as teasing or exclusion—begin to surface.

In fact, at this very time, there was a report that a student in one class was being harassed and excluded by a certain group, and the faculty and staff were dealing with the situation.

It was my first school as a principal. I had only been in the position for about 40 days.

Both the students and the teachers were thinking,

“What kind of person is this new principal?”

“What does this principal value?”

I believe they were watching my words and actions with those thoughts in mind.

I felt nervous as well.
However, at the same time, I believed that this was precisely the moment to demonstrate, through my own words and actions, what I value as a principal and what kind of school I want to create.

At the opening ceremony and entrance ceremony when I first arrived, I told the students that the kind of school I wanted us all to build together was one where “everyone values themselves and others, where everyone feels comfortable, learns with vitality, and is full of smiles.”

This day’s talk was an opportunity to ensure that those words did not end up as mere slogans, and to re-examine them in light of what was happening around us at that moment.

That is why I decided not to be vague about the bullying issue that was occurring at the time, but to address it head-on in front of the entire student body.

Of course, I could not talk about specific students or incidents.

However, while addressing every student in the school, I had a strong desire to reach, above all, the students who were actually involved in the bullying that was taking place.

What is happening around us right now?

Why do people sometimes exclude or bully others within a group?

And, in that moment, what will you do?

In this talk, I tried to explore bullying with the students not just as a problem between individuals, but from the perspective of the “power of the group.”

When you realize the power of the group that creates bullying, will you follow that current?

Or, can you stop and say, 'That is wrong'?

May, my first year as principal.

While questioning the students, I was simultaneously questioning my own stance as a principal—looking back now, I think that is what that talk was like.

Fiscal Year 2015, May, All-School Assembly, Principal's Address

Good morning.

Exactly 40 days have passed since the new school year began.

'Value others and yourself, and create a place where everyone feels comfortable, learns vibrantly, and is full of smiles.'

Has your class or grade become like that?

Today, I would like to talk to you while reflecting on our school life so far, hoping that each of you will look at yourself and what is happening around you.

Perhaps, among those things, there might be some that are not very welcome.

'Oh, I messed up.'

Some of you might be thinking of such failures or mistakes.

If so, that is a chance to reflect on yourself and grow.

Today, please listen to my talk while thinking about such things as well.

1. We all live within a 'group'

First, we all live by belonging to some kind of 'group'.

Humans do not live alone.

We have created a group called 'society' and have enriched our lives by developing that society.

That is why it is said that 'man is a social animal'.

So, what kind of groups are there in your immediate surroundings?

First, there is the family.

Then, there are groups of close friends, classes, club members, grade levels, and schools.

If we expand further, it connects to Japanese society and then to the world.

In any group, when that group is well-organized and its members support one another, each individual within it can live with peace of mind.

However, when the cohesion of a group breaks down and relationships become unstable, it becomes difficult for each individual within it to live with peace of mind.

Therefore, a force can act upon a group to try to maintain its cohesion and unity.

So, what happens when a group tries to strengthen its unity?

There is one method that has been used by those in power and rulers since ancient times to bring people together.

What kind of method do you think it is?

It is to create an 'enemy' outside the group.

If people believe there is a strong enemy outside threatening them, they think, 'We must all work together to protect this group,' and they try to unite.

There have been examples of this in wars as well.

Please try to recall the Pacific War we learned about in our recent peace studies.

Looking back at history, there are also examples where groups tried to strengthen their unity by creating an 'enemy' outside and turning people's attention toward it.

So, what happens if they cannot create an enemy outside?

In that case, they sometimes create an 'enemy' inside the group.

They take someone within the group,

'That person is different from us,'

'That person is not one of us,'

and by viewing them that way, they cast that person out of the group.

By doing so, the remaining people may feel that they are 'allies,' which can strengthen their bond.

Now, I would like you to think about this.

Could something similar happen in your school life as well?

2 Why does bullying occur within groups?

Now, there is something I would like all of you to consider.

It is the possibility that the 'bullying' that occurs in school life might also be related to the group dynamics I just talked about.

Of course, that is not the only reason why bullying occurs.

Wanting to make oneself look 'superior'.

Wanting to show those around you that you have power.

Wanting to look good in front of your peers.

To achieve that, you exert power over someone in a weaker position than yourself.

That may also be the case.

But is that really all there is to it?

Some instances of bullying involve a group or clique trying to strengthen the bonds among those who remain by casting one person out.

And in the background of that, even on the side of the bullies, there may be feelings hidden such as,

'I don't want to be excluded from the group'

'I don't want to be the one who gets bullied'

These feelings can sometimes be hidden.

Now, I want you to think about this carefully.

Bullying is not a 'game' where equals compete fairly and squarely.

In many cases, there is a power imbalance between the bully and the victim, and the victim is placed in a disadvantaged position from the start.

That is precisely why a small number of people within a group, or those perceived by others as 'weak,' can become targets of bullying.

For example,

'That kid is a bit strange, aren't they?'

With just one comment like that, someone can be labeled as 'different from us' and excluded from the group.

However, it is not only so-called 'weak people' who become targets of bullying.

People who have strong convictions.

People who do not easily conform to those around them.

People who can act on their own.

In that sense, people who possess 'strength' can also be seen as standing out from the group and become targets of attack.

And there is one more thing I want you to think about.

When human relationships within a group are weak, unstable, and lack mutual trust, the remaining members may try to bond by excluding one person.

By speaking ill of one person, others become allies.

By teasing one person, everyone laughs.

By ostracizing one person, they confirm to each other that 'we are friends.'

If there is a group that can only connect through such means, is it truly a 'strong group'?

I do not think so.

Rather, isn't it a very unstable and weak group?

This is because in a group that can only maintain its bonds by excluding someone, there is a possibility that after that person is gone, someone else will become the target.

The person you were teasing together today might be the one being teased tomorrow.

Someone who was a friend until today might be excluded by the group tomorrow.

And so, the cycle of searching for the next 'enemy' continues.

In this way, when a group pushes problems or responsibilities onto one person among them, attacking or excluding that person, it is sometimes explained using the term 'scapegoat'.

It is a word that originally came from the meaning of a 'sacrificial goat'.

It is a somewhat scary word, isn't it?

But what is important here is not memorizing the word.

Are we casting someone out just so we can remain friends?

I want each and every one of you to think about that.

3. I want you to look closely at what is happening around you

So, is anything happening around you that could lead to the kind of 'bullying' I just talked about?

I want each of you to look closely with your own eyes.

And there is one more thing I want you to think about.

The difficult part of bullying is that the people participating in it themselves

'I am bullying'

'I am hurting someone'

may not clearly realize that they are doing so.

'I was just teasing them a little'

'I was just joking around'

'Everyone else is doing it too'

'It's not a big deal'

With such feelings, you may end up participating in actions that lead to bullying.

However, deep down in your heart,

“I don't want to be excluded from the group”

“I don't want to be the one being targeted”

“I don't want to stand out by doing something different from everyone else”

Could it be that such feelings are hidden there?

If the people around you are teasing someone,

“If I'm the only one who says to stop, I might be the one they target next”

Thinking that, you might end up laughing along with them.

Or, even if you don't do anything yourself, you might just watch in silence.

That is why I want you to look deep into your own heart.

Are you really laughing because you find it funny?

Or are you just going along with the crowd so you won't be excluded?

Those who participate in bullying may think to themselves, “I can stop whenever I want.”

However, if you keep going along with the group out of fear that “I don't want to be the next target” or “I don't want to be excluded,” it can become very difficult to break free.

And as each individual continues to go along with the group in this way, bullying persists within the group, and instead of stopping, it can even escalate.

Therefore, I want you to first realize what is happening.

What are you doing right now within the group?

Is there anyone being hurt by your actions?

And,

Are you overlooking what is happening around you, thinking it is "no big deal"?

I want each and every one of you to take another good look at yourselves and the world around you.

4 So, what should we do?

So, what exactly should we do?

As long as groups exist, is it inevitable that "bullying" will occur?

What do you all think?

We all live our lives belonging to some kind of group.

That is precisely why you, I, and everyone else have the potential to be influenced by the power a group holds.

Everyone around you is laughing, so you laugh too.

Everyone is ignoring someone, so you don't speak to them either.

Everyone says "that kid is weird," so you start to think so too.

Things like that can happen to anyone.

Therefore, first, it is important to realize that you too can be swept away by the power of a group.

And at the same time, while belonging to a group, instead of just conforming to those around you,

"What do I think?"

"Is this really the right thing to do?"

it is also necessary to acquire the ability to think for yourself and make your own judgments.

I believe that is also one aspect of "becoming independent."

So, when you actually see "bullying" around you, or when something happens that makes you feel "this is wrong" or "this is terrible," what should you do?

If possible,

"That's wrong."
"Let's stop."

I want you to say "no" like that.

However, it can sometimes be scary to speak up alone.

If you think you might become the next target, there may be times when you cannot say anything.

In such cases, you don't have to try to stop the bullying by yourself.

Talk to a friend.

Tell a teacher.

Consult a trusted adult.

That, too, is an important action to show "no" to bullying.

What is important is not to simply follow the negative power or flow of the group.

And it is to change your group, your class, your club, or your grade level from one that exists by excluding someone, into a group where everyone can feel safe.

I believe that leads to making you yourself, and your peers, "stronger."

A truly strong group is not one that stays together by sacrificing someone.

It is a group where you can express different opinions.

Where you can say, "That's not right."

Where you can reach out to someone if they are in trouble.

And where you can ask for help from someone when it is difficult to do it alone.

Isn't that the kind of group it should be?

I want as many people as possible to become someone who makes their group, class, club, or grade level a better, safer place.

The first step toward that is to look closely at what is happening there with your own eyes.

Do not look the other way.

And,

"Isn't this bullying?"

you must have the courage to stop and think.

Realizing your own weaknesses or the weaknesses of your group is nothing to be ashamed of.

Only by acknowledging those weaknesses can you begin to change them.

I believe that, too, is a form of true "strength."

5 What you can do from the moment you realize it

Today's talk was a bit long.

But, while listening to today's talk,

"Oh, I messed up."

some of you may have thought.

If you thought that, please cherish that realization.

Instead of looking away from what you have done,

"I will never do it again."

decide that.

And I want you to think about what you will do and what you want to do from now on.

You can change your actions from the moment you realize it.

Also, after hearing today's talk,

"Could that have been bullying?"

Some of you may have realized that similar things are happening around you.

Even then, please do not turn a blind eye.

I would like you to think about what you can do.

You can say, "Let's stop."

You can also raise your voice together with your friends.

And if it is difficult to do it alone, you can tell a teacher or a trusted adult.

The important thing is not to leave things as they are once you have noticed them.

A school where everyone values themselves and others, where everyone feels comfortable, learns vibrantly, and is full of smiles.

Let us build such a school with the courage and strength of every single student.

And so that each and every one of you can lead a school life with peace of mind, I and the teachers will also think about what we can do and take action.

If there is anything on your mind, please talk to us.

That is all.

Afterword

More than ten years have passed since this talk.

As I reread the manuscript from that time, there are things I am thinking about again now.

In this talk, I asked the students to "not turn a blind eye" and to "have the courage to admit that this is bullying."

I believe the importance of that remains unchanged today.

However, now that I have faced various bullying issues since then, there is something I also feel strongly.

We must not place the responsibility for stopping bullying solely on the courage of children.

We must not place the responsibility for stopping bullying solely on the courage of children.

When bullying continues and escalates within a group, it becomes difficult for children who think it is wrong to speak up.

If they stop it, they might become the next target themselves.

If it becomes known that they talked to a teacher, they might be excluded from the group as well.

Once such anxiety begins to cover the group, it becomes increasingly difficult to stop the bullying from within.

Children who are bystanders are not outside of that group either.

Whether they like it or not, they are affected by the bullying happening there, and in the sense that they are within the power of that group, I believe they are also involved parties.

That is precisely why the power of a teacher, who stands in a different position from the children, is necessary there.

And teachers themselves are not free from the power of the group either.

In some cases, even teachers can be drawn into the atmosphere of the group and downplay the problem, thinking, 'This much is common' or 'They are just joking around'.

That is why those in positions to view the group from a step away, especially administrators and grade-level heads, need to

ask themselves, 'Are we not seeing it too?' and 'Have we been drawn into the group's atmosphere?'

andcontinue to question themselvesconstantly.

While asking children not to 'turn a blind eye,' are teachers themselves looking away from facts they do not want to see?

By asking children to 'have the courage to stop it,' are teachers forcing children to bear the responsibility that should originally be borne by the teachers?

If that is misunderstood, it will only push the resolution of bullying further away.

Therefore, I believe thatinitial response is what is importantafter all.

Small teasing.

A casual remark.

Exclusion from the group.

A scene where only one person is not laughing.

Do not overlook things by thinking they are 'minor,' notice them at an early stage, carefully verify the facts, and take necessary action early.

The goal is to prevent it from becoming serious.

However, this does not simply mean resolving the problem quickly.

We must view what has happened as an opportunity to relearn about human relationships and the nature of the group.

The side that bullied, the side that was bullied, and the children who were around them should all think about what was happening in their group.

And teachers, too, must reflect on their own perspectives and ways of engaging.

In this way, both individuals and the group can learn and grow from the experience.

I now believe that focusing on this and continuing to face it without wavering is what is important.

In May 2015, about 40 days after becoming a principal, I said to the students,

'Do not turn a blind eye.'

I said to them.

Now, more than 10 years later, I do not think those words are meant only for the children.

Rather, they may be words that we teachers must first continue to ask ourselves.