A song that makes me cry, or rather, an anthem for me. - Crayon-sha's "Itami" (Pain) -

#20251219-606

December 19, 2025 (Fri)
Noko (my daughter, 6th grade) has her graduation ceremony in three months.
Since she played me the song she's going to sing there and asked, "Mom, can you cry to this?", I've been thinking about songs.

I'm not very up-to-date with trends, but there are a few songs I like.
Songs my friends sang at karaoke. Songs I often heard when I walked into a store. Theme songs from TV dramas and anime. When I was a student, dubbing music still meant using cassette tapes. Songs I learned from tapes my friends lent me, filled with their favorite tracks. Among the songs I've gradually collected like that, there is one I find myself wanting to listen to periodically—I'm not sure if it's an "anthem" for me or one of those "songs that make you cry."

It is "Itami" (Pain) by "Crayon-sha".

I'm no longer a teenager, and I've never had a bloody fistfight behind the school building. I've never acted like a delinquent, nor have I ever turned my back on the classroom. None of the scenes overlap with my own experiences, but the line that sings, "I feel like I've left something undone," strikes me right in the heart.

There was a period that was halfway between living alone and not.

I was only away from my parents at night, spending time by myself.

If my parents had been there, they would have scolded me, but I used to place my mini-stereo in front of the bathroom door and listen to music while I bathed.
I didn't know what to do or how to do it. While listening to this "Pain" on repeat, I would sit in the bathtub with my knees pulled to my chest and cry. I am overcome with impatience. Is my current life "lukewarm," and have I, without realizing it, mistaken a "fake dream" for my own? From yesterday to today, from today to tomorrow, am I just "letting myself be swept away"?

The music ends cleanly, and I wake up.
I don't have time to be crying. This song spurs me on.