I Couldn't Nod. ~Is 'Supporting Your Child's Interests' Really 'Super Fun' Too?~

#20250824-575

August 24, 2025 (Sun)
Noko (my daughter, 6th grade) had a recital for her lessons, and I was surprised by how much better it went than I had expected. I messaged a friend I've known since my student days on social media to tell her that, and that the days of driving her to rehearsals every few days and waiting around were finally over.
I told her that the exhaustion and sense of relief after finishing the biggest hurdle of the summer were immense.
Noko, of course, as well as our whole family and the other members performing, all made it through without getting sick.
I felt like raising both hands and shouting, 'Yahoo!'
Then, this was the message that came back from my friend.

My friend's child is already an adult, but during their student days, they were immersed in a very active club. My friend, as a mother, was running around supporting and cheering them on. After her child graduated, my friend directed that 'passion' that had lost its destination toward 'supporting' a band.

Perhaps it's because Noko is in elementary school and not yet at the age to be in club activities.
I felt a sense of discomfort at my friend's words.
However, since it was an exchange on social media, I didn't press it any further. Unlike a face-to-face conversation, asking questions in writing can sometimes come across as harsh.
Besides, it didn't seem like my friend meant anything that deep by it.
In this world, that's often the case.

Still, the discomfort that crossed my mind bothered me.
Why couldn't I simply nod at my friend's words?
Was it the 'supporting interests' part?
Or was it the 'super fun' part?
No, no, maybe it was both.

'Supporting interests' (oshi-katsu) means activities to support one's 'oshi' (favorite).
Does my daughter, Noko, fall under the category of an 'oshi'?
The six years we have lived together as a foster family have firmly accumulated, and honestly, compared to other children of the same age, Noko feels the 'most' adorable to me. She goes beyond lively to being noisy, annoying, and sometimes says hateful things, so I can't say every word and action is precious, but Noko is now the closest and most intimate person in my life.
However, unlike sports athletes, idols, or manga characters, perhaps because we live in the same space, if asked whether every one of Noko's behaviors is precious and if I would recommend loving her to others, the answer is 'no.'
I don't want to monopolize her, but loving her is for us, her parents—and while it would be desirable if a few more people were added to enrich Noko's life, she is not an 'oshi' that I would recommend to just anyone.
Was it because she isn't an 'oshi' that I couldn't agree with the term 'supporting interests'?

And what about 'super fun'?
The support my husband and I provide for Noko's lessons is strictly because Noko, still in elementary school, cannot go to rehearsals in distant places alone, so we are driving her; it is not fun.
Since we are going all the way to a distant place, we try to make the travel and waiting time enjoyable, but we are not doing it with a sense of excitement from within our bodies. We are converting 'must do' into 'fun.'

Was it because it's neither 'supporting interests' nor 'super fun' that I felt uncomfortable?
No, that doesn't seem right either.

It might be the part where I cannot say 'do your best, do your best' from the bottom of my heart.
I want to support what Noko wants to do. I want to create an environment where she can do it.
But whether Noko, as an elementary school student, wants to be told 'do your best, do your best' is another matter.
If the child themselves is aware of their own 'likes,' engages in them, makes an effort, and has ambition, then a parent's words of 'do your best' might become a source of strength.
How aware are children—and not just children, but adults too—of what they 'like'?

This summer, I finally heard Noko say that the lessons she had the recital for were 'fun' and that she 'wants to do more,' but it took six years.

During that time, if we, her parents, had been more enthusiastic and enjoying the activities than Noko herself, would Noko have joined in and worked on them happily and enthusiastically? Depending on the child's personality, there are cases where they can continue by riding the wave of the surrounding excitement, but unless 'passion' is born within the person themselves, they might end up saying they were only doing it because 'Dad said to' or 'Mom said to.'
Noko is probably that type.
The more enthusiastic we become, the more she seems to become cold and detached, as if it were someone else's business.
I don't know how it was for my friend's child.

I realized that I couldn't agree with my friend's words because Noko is not an 'oshi' and my husband and I are not supporting her with 'super fun' feelings.
And I realized that while it would be nice if we could, we are carrying a complexity that makes it impossible, and it dawned on me that of course I couldn't nod.