[Episode 1] That morning 23 years ago when my mother suddenly collapsed: 'We who are bad at relying on others. Moving beyond that.'

Hello everyone. It's Yururun 😊
Thank you so much for coming again today 🌸🌸

In my previous article, while re-reading my own note from the beginning,

I talked about how I reached the conclusion that "at my core are 'family' and 'Enneagram'." 📖✨

Something that has been weighing on my mind

In the series I used to write, 'We who are bad at relying on others', the conflicts that unfolded between
me, my mother, and my sister came to a close at the point where they culminated in the single decision of

home nursing care for my mother.

Towards the end, I wrote this.

Regarding the specific details of that home nursing care, I couldn't quite organize my thoughts and hadn't been able to touch upon it, but...

🕊️🌱 This year, I have reached the same age my mother was when she first collapsed.

I have finally prepared myself to face it head-on. 😌✨

In the first place, when we chose home nursing care, the hospital strongly opposed it, saying, "
It's impossible." 🛑🏥

Even so, our family brushed off that opposition, desperately persuaded the hospital, and

with strong resolve, chose that path. 🤝🔥

Why was I able to makesuch a decision?

It is because I had the experience of 18 years of caregivingthat came before that stage. 🕒🐾

Everything I saw, heard, and felt over those long years became the foundation for our judgment. 🌸

Even with that resolve, the two years of home caregiving involved
unexpected events.

However, to be honest, I am still struggling with how much of that to share and how best to express it...

I am still agonizing over it even now.

Whether you are currently in the midst of caregiving, or have no connection to caregiving at all right now,

I hope to share this as a case study of one family,
to say, this is a fact that happened.

I hope I can convey this to you. 🍀🌱

However, before I suddenly touch upon those two years,

I would like to first rewrite the first 18 years of those 20 years that formed the foundation of that decision. 🕒⏳

Enneagram, while learning this tool for understanding human nature, I struggled in the messy reality of family relationships,

and this is the trajectory of my journey while feeling troubled. 🧩🐾

Our choices are not necessarily correct, nor are they the only right answer. 🙅‍♀️⚖️

I intend to share everything, including the parts where I was immature and the parts that might look like regrets. ✨

Actually, the first step of the story I am about to write was once put into words in an article about a year ago.
(First post: June 10, 2025, 'My mother suddenly collapsed, Part 1')

Although I wrote that article with all my heart at the time, this time, I wanted to rewrite it more deeply and carefully from my current perspective.
I wanted to deliver it to you.

I would be happy if the trajectory of my life that begins here could serve as
an opportunity for those currently facing caregiving, as well as those who are not, to

feel and think about something. 🕊️🌸

Now, let us begin the story of those 18 years—.

That day arrived truly suddenly.

One morning 23 years ago, around 7 o'clock,

a single phone call rang out.

The caller was my younger brother. "Mom collapsed."

I, being carefree, asked back, "Huh? Did she fall?", but my brother said with a tearful voice, "
I've just arrived at the hospital by ambulance."

"Whaaaat!!"

I had just talked to her normally on the phone yesterday evening, so what on earth could have happened...?

While my mind went blank, the one fortunate thing was my habit of waking up early.

I had already finished breakfast and gotten dressed,
so I rushed out of the house as if flying and slid into the subway.

Inside the swaying train, my chest felt tight and painful,
and I felt my heart pounding, thumping away.

I remember it was beating so fast,
I was worried the person next to me might hear it.

The time spent stopping at stations along the way felt agonizing,
and I felt like running through the train car, thinking (Oh, hurry, hurry!).

As soon as I arrived at the nearest station, I just desperately dashed along the road from the station.

Out of breath, I reached the dim hallway of the emergency room
a little past 8 o'clock in the morning.

From then until past midnight when the date changed, I couldn't take a single step out of the hospital,
marking the beginning of what would be the longest, most unforgettable day of my life.

(Continued in Episode 2)

☕ Time for a quick break.

[Enneagram side story]

Now, let's change our perspective a little here 😊
I'd like to look back on my past self through the lens of the Enneagram.

Actually, in the Enneagram, which classifies personality types into nine categories, I am a carefree and positive
Type 7.

Right up until the major crisis of my mother collapsing, I was
excited to enjoy some time to myself and feeling thrilled, and looking back now, I think that my quick action of
rushing out immediately to head to the hospital after hearing the news on the phone was truly typical of a Type 7.

And this 'nature of trying to look forward no matter what' would become my greatest weapon in supporting the grueling caregiving life that followed.

🍀 Thank you for staying with me until the end 🍀

Please look forward to the next episode as well 😊