[What Adlerian Psychology Teaches] What is the "True Happiness" That "People Who Only Care About Others' Evaluations" Lose Sight Of?

"Hints for Living a Rich Life" that Adler Could Not Fully Express

Ichiro Kishimi: There is not a single place in "The Courage to be Disliked" where Adler does not speak. However, there are several mentions of things that Adler did not fully articulate. One of them is the word "sachlich." He likely wanted to advocate for the way of life of "living in the here and now" with this word, but I have the impression that he did not discuss it sufficiently.

　Simply put, "sachlich" means "grounded," "objective," or "factual" (based on facts and reality). Adler says that we are not living "objectively." We regret the past and worry about the future. But even if you regret the past, you cannot return to the old days, and worrying about the future does not solve anything.

　If that is the case, we have no choice but to live in the "here and now." If you live your life to the fullest right now, you can take the next step.

Three Reasons Why We Cannot Live in the "Here and Now"

There are three reasons why we cannot live in the "here and now."

　The first is because we are concerned about "what others think of us." People who are concerned about what others think of them end up living to please others. They end up living not the life they actually want to lead, but to be thought well of by others.

　This happens in daily life as well, doesn't it? If you think, "What will they think if I say this to my boss?" or "What will my colleagues think?", you become unable to speak up even if you are dissatisfied with your workplace.

　Such people are only concerned with how they are seen by others and are not living their own true lives. In that sense, Adler says they are "not living objectively."

　The second reason is because we look at our ideal selves or others. Especially regarding ourselves, we look at the "self that should be." But in reality, we can only live as the "self as it is." Despite this, we set our ideals of "how we should be" too high and cannot live a grounded life.

Since there is only the "self as it is," it is important to start from "this me" and to "accept the self as it is."

When I say "accept the self as it is," many people often say, "Isn't that not good enough?" However, there is no choice but to start from there. For example, when going to a room on the second floor, it is almost impossible to jump up without setting up a ladder. It is necessary to make steady efforts, like climbing the rungs of a ladder one step at a time.

　If you try to do something that is impossible, you will end up living a life detached from reality. Adler says that you should not live that kind of life.

The third reason why we cannot live in the "here and now" is because we think, "I am not yet living my true life." Many people think, "Now is a 'temporary life'." But a way of life that thinks "my true life will begin when something is realized" is not living "sachlich."

Whether "something" will be realized is unknown at this point. Of course, it is also unknown whether it will be successful. Yet, there are too many people who only think about the future.

　For example, young people work hard at their studies from childhood, aiming for success. When they are in elementary school, they think about when they become junior high school students. Once they enter junior high school, they think about high school entrance exams. When they enter high school, they think about university. In this way, they often end up living their lives by, so to speak, postponing them.

　However, Adler does not consider such a way of life to be "sachlich," that is, an objective way of life. An objective way of life means "living in the here and now." He is advocating for that kind of way of life.

Have you surrendered your way of life to the evaluations of others?

　I think the problem lies in the fact that we continue to seek the desire for recognition now and in the future, and think, "It can't be helped" or "It is human nature." We must clearly know that "human value" does not depend at all on the evaluations of others.

The German poet Rilke once said that when he writes poetry, he only considers whether he is compelled to write. However, we probably don't write poetry because we feel we 'cannot help but write' due to our own intrinsic motivation. We inevitably seek evaluation, thinking things like, 'Will this poem sell if I write it?'

When a young poet sent him a letter asking for an evaluation of his work, Rilke told him, 'Stop doing this entirely from now on.' He said, 'Ask yourself in the middle of the night whether you are compelled to write poetry, whether you cannot help but write. If you can answer "yes" to that question, then write poetry.'

I believe we must approach our work and our way of life in the same way. We should consider whether we are truly doing what we want to do, regardless of whether we are recognized by others, let alone whether it will sell or lead to success. That is what it means to live as your 'authentic self'.

We must examine ourselves that strictly. We place too much value on productivity, and we have reached a point where we can only recognize our own worth by achieving something.

For example, even if a small child has not achieved anything, we should be able to feel joy in that child's very existence. I think it is perfectly fine to apply that same perspective to us as adults.

Even if you are not working, and even if you have not achieved anything, you can consider that your very existence has value. I do not believe this is such an outlandish idea.

(This article was created based on the official videos for 'The Courage to be Disliked' and 'The Courage to be Happy'.)