Could those small feelings of discomfort in life be 'mental preparation' for taking the next step?!
A story about a lonely 50-year-old
trying to redefine their life and career
Vol. 84
In this note,
a 50-year-old office worker who has started to feel lonely
is trying to redefine their life and career.
I would like to look back once more
at the things I have been thinking about.
In my previous note,
I wrote about how the feelings of discomfort we suddenly feel in life
should not be forcibly erased,
but rather viewed as the driving force for the next step,
that kind of story.
I suddenly realized that I was 'not facing myself'
'Facing yourself' is
not such an easy thing to do.
Even when you try to face it,
you can't put it into words, or
you want to put off thinking about it.
What I realized looking back later is that
the reason I couldn't face it
was not because of a lack of willpower.
My criteria for evaluation
existed only outside of myself.
How am I seen by the company?
Am I successful in the eyes of society?
Am I falling behind my peers?
As long as I was measuring myself with such yardsticks,
I think it was difficult
to face myself in the true sense.
So, what I needed first
was not to come up with an answer, but
'This is the state I am in right now'and
to notice that fact.
Discomfort
is not an emotion to be denied.
I think the redefinition began from the point of noticing
that I was not able to face myself.
《You cannot change others or the past》
Even before I felt this discomfort,
whenever something happened that seemed like trouble or misfortune,
in my head,
the same kind of confusion would cycle through every time.
If only the company would change.
If only my boss were a different person.
If only I had made a different choice back then.
I think this is a line of thinking
that many people go through at least once.
I, too, without realizing it,
kept using a lot of energy
on things I could not change with my own power.
You cannot change others or the past.
I haven't taken any statistics, but
most of human worry, anxiety, jealousy, and anger
seem to be caused by these things
that cannot be changed: 'others' and 'the past'.
Things that cannot be changed, cannot be changed.
It's useless no matter how much you think about it.
So, try taking your eyes off them for a moment.
Then, strangely enough,
you will see the range that you can influence.
For the current me,
what is important and what is not?
Ways of thinking and values.
How to keep distance from others and the company.
Priorities of time.
It doesn't have to be a big change.
Within the range I can do,
I will choose again in small ways.
Just by doing that,
the vague impatience
gradually changed its form.
《Thinking about a sustainable form》 with the premise of 'not trying too hard'
There was one more thing that was important.
That was
to think about 'how to continue'
first.
Even if you start with enthusiasm or grit,
if it doesn't continue,
in the end, self-loathing remains.
Change from the age of 50
is more realistic in a form that continues naturally
than through temporary effort.
So, what I started to be conscious of
emotional cost.
Don't force yourself to lift your mood.
Don't expand your human relationships too much.
Maintain a pace that works without trying too hard.
Loose connections and
leaving margins in your schedule
also end up helping me.
What is necessary to continue is
not strong willpower, but
a design that suits yourself.
Since I started thinking that way,
the changes gradually
melted into my life.
Conclusion
The small feelings of discomfort in life
are not a sign that something is broken, but
might have been 'mental preparation'
for taking the next step.
If you are currently feeling
'Is it okay to stay like this?',
I think that is a sign that preparation to start something
is quietly beginning to fall into place.
Do you all
ever feel a sense of discomfort?
Next time,
I would like to write about
what kind of actions this change in thinking led to.