What Does It Mean to Accept a Disability or Illness? ~Sjögren's Syndrome and Me~

Hello!
Yesterday, I received my first question in my question box! 😳
I thought maybe the question box didn't exist for iPadOS... but it seems it works!
Everyone, please feel free to send in your questions! 🥰
I was so happy! ✨

How I'm feeling today... it's looking slightly better.
But only the fever won't go down 😭
Right now, it's 37.6°C.
My joints don't hurt.
I'm just super sluggish 🫩
I'm starting to understand how to move my hands and feet a little bit, and I'm happy because it feels like they've become somewhat easier to move ☺️
Since I went back to my previous steroid dosage, I feel like my energy is returning 🥰
A few days ago, I was really in bad shape, and I was struggling because I couldn't figure out how to move my hands and feet at all... but at this rate, I think I can manage to go to the university hospital. (It's embarrassing to say, but if things had stayed that way, I probably wouldn't have been able to walk without using a taxi.)
My health and my limbs aren't perfect yet, but I'll spend the rest of the Obon holiday taking it easy 🌱

Actually, I was planning to write this article yesterday, but I ended up making a 'Creator Encyclopedia' article that was too much fun, so today I want to write under the title 'What Does It Mean to Accept a Disability or Illness?'

I feel like 'accepting a disability or illness' is truly an eternal challenge for me...
And it's a world with no correct answers and no finish line.
It's a world where you don't compare yourself to others (*though you might use them as a reference), and certainly don't criticize them for it.
And it's a world where the finish line and the correct answers change as people grow and change.

Honestly, I...think, 'If you don't want to accept your disability or illness, you don't have to.'I don't think it's something you have to do.
Sure, I think there are parts where accepting it makes life safer and easier for your mental health, but that's all it is.
It's not like the illness will be cured, either.
If the illness could be cured, I'd be trying desperately to accept it, and if worrying could cure it, it would have been cured a long time ago.

However, my gut feeling is that it's just something that sounds good 😅
There's no such thing as 'this person is admirable because they have accepted their illness'!
I really think this might be a trap, so please don't misunderstand me 😉

Everyone is struggling and grappling with their own background... I'm sure of that 😌

In the past, someone once told me, 'Kokoro-chan, you haven't accepted your illness or disability at all!'

Mind your own business.

I was hurt at the time, but... I think, just because you've accepted it doesn't mean you're admirable, and it doesn't mean accepting it is the right answer... 🤔
Well... it's true that I haven't accepted it (lol), but even so, if you ask me if that's a problem, it seems it's not a problem to me.

Because I think that's fine 😅

In my opinion...

as long as you follow your doctor's instructions and take your medicine, it's okay no matter how grumpy you get😉

It's okay to complain.
It's okay to be negative.
It's okay to be grumpy.
It's okay to blame yourself.
(It's better if you don't, but it's painful to say that blaming yourself is bad and then end up self-denying again, right? If so, let's first accept that 'it's okay to blame yourself.')

Look, if you get into the habit of blaming yourself, you'll tend to blame others too.
I suspect that the person who told me 'you haven't accepted your illness or disability at all!' doesn't accept their own illness as much as they think they do, and they are someone who self-denies too much.
They've become unable to see things except through eyes of denial.

There is no finish line to accepting an illness.
There's no such thing as 'this is the right answer!'

Everyone is moving forward while constantly worrying.
I think that's just fine 😌

As I wrote in the article the day before yesterday (way down at the bottom),'Illness is painful and there are tough times... but that's not all there is to it'I keep thinking that.

I believe that the illness has a message for that person.
There is no correct answer for this either 😌
It's not something for others to decide.
I think it's about realizing for yourself, gently, something like, 'Oh... this is what I actually wanted to do...'

And.
I think everyone is scared and anxious about their illness progressing.
Fortunately, my illness isn't life-threatening, but I'm still anxious.
Every time some part of me stops moving, I get grumpy, and that's just how it is.

Just because you've accepted your illness doesn't mean you won't feel anxiety or fear.
No matter how much you've accepted your illness, scary things are still scary.
I think that's fine.
That's what I think.

Maybe because there is fear, we are able to live safely.

Maybe it's actually okay not to think about it too deeply😉

But.
I... don't want to let an illness end as just an "illness."
I want to keep conveying that an illness is actually the greatest gift, on a level you can't even imagine.
It might be painful, sad, or difficult right now.
But.
Surely, it might actually be a form of kindness or love that the illness is emitting.

In a way that is easy for that person.
So that they can be truly happy and find relief.
I will keep wishing for that.