It's okay to be here, even if you're incomplete.

When the end of the year approaches,
my feelings become a little unsettled.

When I realize, "This year is already ending."
I look back on the year and suddenly think.

……What have I actually accomplished this year?

I worked intently,
but felt that wasn't enough,
"I have to change," "I have to try harder,"
exhausting myself until I couldn't move.
And then repeating the same kind of days all over again.

I wanted to be able to say, "I achieved this!"
so I tried various things.
But in the end, it all feels half-baked.

Thinking like that,
I let out a small sigh in my heart.

On the other hand,
there is also a part of me that starts thinking about next year.

Next year, I will become a new me.
I will cherish myself more,
do more of what I love,
and spend a year that is truly fulfilling.

While sketching such shiny ideals
into a brand-new planner,
"It will probably be the same year again,"
I pretend not to notice that such resignation
is quietly showing its face.

The desire to have hope,
and the fear of hoping again.
Wanting to look forward,
but feeling unable to fully believe in myself.

The end of the year,
might be a time when such contradictory feelings
are brought to the surface.

Before we know it, we start thinking
that we have to be "a version of ourselves that has it all together."

Working properly,
being considerate properly,
meeting expectations properly,
continuing to produce results properly,

Properly, properly, properly.

And so, when we can't do things "properly,"
we fall into deep depression and get deeply hurt.

Perfectionism, feelings of self-rejection.
When put into words, they sound a bit heavy.
But in reality, I think they are much quieter and more everyday things.

・Feeling guilty about "spending time doing nothing"
・Comparing yourself to amazing people and feeling down on your own
・Telling yourself, "You shouldn't be resting yet"

But, really.

Even if there are times when you aren't doing things right,
Even if there are days when you can't produce anything,
Even if you find yourself standing still.

That doesn't mean your existence is invalidated.

For example, if I look at the cat I live with.

It does nothing, hiding under the covers all day.
It only wants affection when I'm busy,
It makes stinky poops,
And it's incredibly moody and self-centered.

But,
"Just being there" is enough.

Even if it doesn't do anything for me,
Even if it isn't growing,
Even if it causes trouble.
If it's there, that's enough.

But this isn't,
a privilege only for cats.

You, and I myself,
are allowed to spend time "being no one,"
and it's okay to be "the me who does nothing."

You don't have to try to kick out
the version of yourself that can't do things right.

"I have to affirm myself"
"I have to like myself more"

I think for some people, just thinking that
is already exhausting.
Because you think that to affirm yourself, to like yourself,
you have to become "the me who is trying hard."

So, you don't have to try to affirm yourself.

It's okay if you can't like yourself.
It's okay if you can't be positive.

Just the same as that,
you don't have to deny it.
you don't have to blame yourself.
you don't have to rush.

"Just being here"
Let's make today a day where that is enough.

While remaining incomplete,
while remaining lost,
while remaining a little tired.

Even so, it is okay to be here.

To me and to you, who ran so hard through 2025.
Well done, you have worked so hard.

May I and you, still incomplete,
meet here again next year🌱

Please be healed by my cat too🐈♡