The day I stopped taking a patient's "I'm fine" at face value. A story I can't forget as a nurse
Nurse and Patient
These words might seem so obvious that you've never really thought about them.
But every day, all sorts of emotions flow back and forth here.
Anxiety.
Anger.
Relief.
Trust.
Regret.
Gratitude.
They happen every second at the hospital bedside.
In this article, I will write about the invisible bridge between "nurse and patient."
Who was the 80-year-old patient really fighting against?
Nurses are healthcare professionals.
Patients are the ones receiving care.
Our positions are certainly different, aren't they?
But I have always thought this:
This is not about "above and below."
It is not about "the one who cares" and "the one who is healed" either.
It is a connection between two people living through the same time.
This happened a while ago.
It was 2:00 AM during a night shift.
The nurse call rang in the patient's room.
Patient: "I don't know, I just can't sleep..."
That's what the man in his 80s said.
His test results were fine.
His pain was also under control.
But he couldn't sleep.
When I asked him why, he said,
"I'm being discharged tomorrow, right? I'm scared to go home."
He said it quietly.
Ah, this person isn't fighting against his "illness" right now.
They are fighting against 'anxiety'.
In that moment, my nursing switch flips.
The true feelings hidden behind a patient's 'I'm fine'.
In conferences, we say things like this.
'80-year-old male, heart failure, independent ADLs, lives alone.'
That is not wrong.
It is an objective fact.
But if that's all you see, you can't see the person's life.
Lives alone.
In other words, all by themselves at home.
So, what about meals? Shopping? The night?
More than 'heart failure',
the feeling of 'being afraid to go home alone'
can sometimes be bigger for that person.
When I was young,
I was often told to 'look at the data properly'.
That is certainly important.
Vitals do not lie.
But,a patient's expression does not lie either.
Their eyes are darting around.
They speak less.
The voice saying 'I'm fine' is trembling slightly.
That is wherethe real informationlies.
A place where it is okay for a patient to be weak.
There was a certain patient.
Right after being told they had cancer.
They were staring at the ceiling from their bed.
No matter who spoke to them,
they would only mutter, 'I'm fine...'
But there is no way they are fine.
I sat down slightly to the side and said this.
"There are times when you're not okay, aren't there?"
"I have those times too, in my own way."
At that moment, the patient's tears overflowed.
"No one has ever said that to me."
"I know you're busy, nurse."
That is exactly it.
Patients try to be strong.
Especially in front of their families.
That is precisely why, as nurses, we must ask ourselves if we can become
a place where it is okay to be weak.
I learned the importance of that.
At that time, I was saved by the patient.
Please let me share a little bit of a personal story.
I had a difficult time in the past.
It was a period when I was being bullied in my workplace relationships and was quite worn down.
My stomach felt heavy before even going to the hospital. I felt like throwing up.
As the time for the handover approached, my heart would beat strangely fast.
Even after returning home, the day's conversations would keep replaying in my head.
That was the kind of time it was.
"Maybe I should just quit,"I thought that over and over again.
It was then that a certain patient said this to me.
"You are a truly kind nurse."
Just those few words.
But for me at the time, they were incredibly heavy and significant.
I can't explain it well, but
it felt like my footing, which had been shaky,
was finally able to grip the ground firmly and stand.
Nurse and patient.
There are definitely moments when we support each other, transcending our roles.
That one word from that patient still serves as part of the strength that keeps me nursing.
The relationship between a nurse and a patient is not a one-way street.
Nurses are not supermen.
There are busy days.
There are days when I have no breathing room.
Honestly, there are days when I get frustrated.
If anything, those are the days I have most often.
Nurse calls pile up.
Admissions come in all at once.
The charting never ends.
At times like that,
I sometimes think, "They're calling again..."
I say this as a reminder to myself, it happens.
But a few minutes later,
"I'm sorry for earlier, I know you're busy"
When a patient says that to me, I feel like my heart is being squeezed.
Patients are watching me and you very closely.
Nurse and patient.
It's not a one-way street.
We are truly watching each other.
Trust is built through small, repeated actions.
I don't think trust is anything special.
・Look them in the eye when speaking
・Call them by their name
・Speak to them before touching them
・Don't skip explanations (don't rush)
It's the accumulation of these ordinary things.
A dialysis patient once
checked my work schedule every time.
"You're here today, aren't you?"
At first, I thought they were joking.
But one day, I was told this.
"You actually listen to what I have to say."
I didn't do anything special.
I just sat for five minutes longer.
That alone makes the bridge between nurse and patient a little stronger.
Nursing isn't just about 'giving.' I am also receiving plenty from the patients.
If a nurse thinks of themselves as the one doing the teaching, they will lose sight of what is truly important.
Many patients are my seniors in life.
Work.
Family.
War.
Disasters.
Caregiving.
Raising children.
They carry the weight of so many experiences.
A woman in her 90s once said with a laugh,
"The secret to a long life is not to be too stubborn."
It resonated with me, not just as a nurse, but as a human being.
Nursing is not just about giving. It is also about receiving.
To those who try to 'face' their patients as nurses
It doesn't have to be anything big.
Today,
in front of one patient,
• Look them in the eye for three seconds longer than usual
• Call their name carefully and slowly
• Try saying, "There are days when you aren't okay, aren't there?"
That alone will build a bridge between you and the patient.
Nursing is not just about technique. It is built on
relationships.
And that relationship is built by your very presence.
Even if today is a day where you think,
"I didn't do that well."
It's still okay. It's okay.
Patients aren't looking for a perfect nurse.
They are looking at the "person" who is trying to
genuinely connect with them.
Nurse and patient.
Let's continue to build that bridge between us,
little by little, together again today.
Just by you being there,
there is definitely someone being saved.
Truly.
Thank you for your hard work today.
Written by: Certified Nurse | Chibikan
(Certified Nurse at an acute care general hospital / Engaged in education / research and paper writing)
With "both clinical practice and research" as my focus, I am committed to practices that ensure junior staff don't get lost at the bedside.
🏥 In closing
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