[Yuru-Vitamin | Habits of the Heart #02] Diagnosing Your Self-Esteem Type: Observing Your Behavioral Patterns at Work
Hello, this is "Yuru-Vitamin".
In our previous article, we discussed the theme of "Why is self-esteem necessary for work?". Self-esteem acts as an "accelerator for the heart," helping you remove the mental brakes that make you feel "I'm not good enough" and allowing you to work with vitality.
Now, we will take a step forward, as it is time to learn about "where your heart is currently located."
Using a simple checklist, let's look at your self-esteem type in the workplace together.
This is not meant to compare you with others to determine superiority or inferiority, nor is it to judge things as "good" or "bad."
The goal is simply to gently notice your own patterns, thinking, "Oh, I have this kind of mental habit."gently noticing your own patterns is the purpose.
Knowing your type is an important step toward finding the nutrients you need.
1. Check it out with 10 common work scenarios!
Let's get started right away.
While thinking about yourself at work, please mentally check off the items below that you feel "often apply" to you.
[Self-Esteem Type Checklist]
1. I often feel down after making a mistake at work, thinking, "I did it again..."
2. Even when I have my own work to do, I can't turn down requests from my boss or colleagues, and I feel like I'm always chasing deadlines.
3. I sometimes find myself comparing myself to talented seniors or colleagues, making it hard to focus on my work.
4. Even when work goes well, I feel it's because "the people around me helped," and I think, "I can't do anything on my own."
5. When given new work or roles, I feel anxious, thinking, "I just want to keep doing the work I'm used to..."
6. Even if I think I've "done it," if my boss points out even a small thing, I feel, "I guess I was no good after all."
7. I feel impatient, as if I'm the only one being left behind while everyone else is growing.
8. Even though I'm actually capable of doing things, I can't promote myself well and feel like I'm losing out.
9. During important meetings, I pray, "Please, I hope no one asks me a question..."
10. Even when I think I'm acting normally, people around me sometimes worry, "Aren't you trying too hard?"
How many items did you check?
Don't worry if you checked many of them.
That is also proof that you are taking your work seriously.
2. Which type are you? 3 mental habits
From the items you checked, you can see your "mental habits" regarding self-esteem.
Here, we will introduce them by dividing them into three main types.
A. Is "I must" your catchphrase? [Perfectionist Type]
(For those who matched checklist items 1, 6, 7, and 10)
People of this type tend to have high ideals for themselves and are serious and have a strong sense of responsibility.
You may unconsciously push yourself, thinking, "If it's not 100%, it's meaningless," or "I must never make a mistake."
Perhaps, in your heart...
"If I don't work harder, I have no value..."
"I must perfectly meet the expectations of those around me..."
Do such thoughts ever cross your mind?
B. Worried about "What do they think of me?" [The "I compare myself to others" type]
(For those who matched checklist items 2, 3, 8)
People of this type are cooperative and have kind hearts that can sensitively perceive the feelings of those around them.
On the other hand, your standard for self-evaluation tends to be "others," and you have a tendency to worry too much about "how you are seen by those around you."
Perhaps, in your heart...
"If I refuse, will I disappoint them...?"
"Compared to them, I still have a long way to go..."
Do you ever find yourself thinking like that?
C. Does "What if I fail..." cross your mind? [The "I tap the stone bridge too much" type]
(For those who matched checklist items 4, 5, 9)
People of this type have the strength of being able to proceed with things cautiously and having high risk management skills.
On the other hand, you have a strong fear of failure, and you may think too much about "what if it doesn't go well..." and find it difficult to take the first step.
Perhaps, in your heart...
"If I fail, I'll be a burden to everyone..."
"I could never pull this off on my own..."
Do you have any idea why you have such thought patterns?
Which type did you feel you were closest to?
Of course, there are many people who fall into multiple types.
First, try to look at it objectively, thinking, "Oh, I have this side to me."
Relaxing Vitamin's note
This happened when I had gotten a little used to my job.
Being asked, "Would you like to try this task too?" was something I was very happy about because I love new challenges.
But one time, I had the opportunity to be entrusted with a difficult task that was clearly beyond my capabilities.
Of course, I worked desperately while consulting with those around me.
However, that job was a substitute for an excellent senior colleague who was supposed to be in charge of it.
The more I progressed with the work, the more my heart was filled with the thought, "If only my senior had done it..."
"If it were my senior, they would have finished it much faster..."
"Surely, the client wouldn't have been this confused..."
"I only caused trouble, was this really okay...?"
I managed to finish the work, and even though I received words of gratitude from my boss saying, "Thank you for taking this on," my heart did not clear up.
"No, no... (They probably think it would have been better if my senior had done it...)"
I couldn't honestly accept those words, and only the parts I couldn't do kept crossing my mind.
Looking back now, at that time, I strongly exhibited the characteristics of"The One Who Compares Themselves to Others"and"The One Who Taps the Stone Bridge Too Much".
I was always comparing myself to someone other than me, thinking "If it were my senior," and feeling down (3. Comparing yourself to excellent seniors or colleagues),
rather than the "thank you" from my boss, I only focused on the parts within myself that I "couldn't do," unable to properly evaluate my own work (6. Your own perception differs from the evaluation of those around you),
and even for the parts that went well, I couldn't believe in my own strength, thinking, "It's only because the people around me helped me" (4. Thinking that things went well just by chance).
Have you ever had the experience of comparing yourself to others and finding yourself unable to honestly acknowledge your own hard work?
Through this experience, I learned the importance of evaluating myself using my own yardstick.
Instead of comparing yourself to others, look at how you have grown, even just a little, compared to your past self.
I realized that this gentle perspective is very important for nurturing self-esteem.
This time's "Let's try this tomorrow"
Once you are able to notice your mental habits, try observing them in your daily life.
Tomorrow, while you are working, the moment you notice the actions or emotions from the items you checked appearing, please acknowledge them in your mind by saying, "Ah, there it is."
For example, if you are the "Perfectionist" type and checked "1. I feel down when I make a mistake," imagine giving a play-by-play commentary the moment you find a typo in an email and start to feel down, saying, "Ah, the perfectionist in me just came out."
There is absolutely no need to try to fix it or reflect on it.
Just notice it.
Try spending a day finding your mental habits as if it were a game.
Thank you for reading until the end.
Knowing your type is the starting line for deeply understanding and cherishing yourself.
Next time, we will dig a little deeper into the causes of why these mental habits are formed.
Once you understand the cause, your heart will feel much lighter.
Well then, I will see you in the next article.