One life was born, and one life faded away—The day the joy of childbirth and the sorrow of bereavement intersected | Kotori Diary | Episode 3

My husband, who was there for the birth.

“They’ve been born.”

The joy of becoming a mother and the sorrow of losing a loved one intersected at that very moment.

The birth of a life and a miraculous time

My husband’s battle with illness and my pregnancy progressed as if they were running side by side.

I myself suffered from fevers and pain during my pregnancy, so it was by no means a smooth journey.

───

Going to my own doctor’s appointments and nursing my husband.

Days where all I could do was pray.

─── And yet, our child, as if they mysteriously understood everything──

Without being born prematurely, they arrived just when my husband was temporarily discharged from the hospital.

The moment of birth, welcomed together with my husband in the hospital room

When I heard their cry, “Thank you for being born”

I felt that from the bottom of my heart.

─── My husband held the baby’s tiny hand with his own thin, frail hand.

“We finally met.” “You’ve been born.”

That image is still burned into my memory.

The final moment

However, the joy was short-lived.

Upon being discharged from the hospital,
I returned to the daily routine of nursing my husband and accompanying him through hospital admissions and discharges.

───

Nursing while holding a baby
was beyond anything I could have imagined.

Moving house also added to the burden,
living in an unfamiliar place with a baby.
───

It happened on the way to my husband's hospital──

While driving, I was involved in a traffic accident due to someone else's carelessness,
and I was stopped at a police box for driving in a bus-only lane.

Together with my crying baby,
there were many times I wanted to cry too.

───

Even so──

The baby's smile was my only light.
In the midst of those exhausted days,
the smile of my child was the only thing that sustained me.

───
Before long──

My husband quietly breathed his last.

The intersection of joy and farewell

One life is born,
and one life fades away.

Having experienced both in the same year,
I had no time to shed tears,
and I spent my days as if driven by the cries of my baby. ───

I will protect this child no matter what"
That determination alone was what kept me moving forward.

Looking back

Both my husband and I were dealing with illness,
and those were days where we had no choice but to support each other.

It was far from the happiness we had envisioned for our newlywed life,
and it was a grueling daily struggle.

But—

“To make it through today safely”

With that as our only goal, we lived through it with all our might.

——

That year was a continuous blur of being lost in the moment.

But looking back now,
the existence of my child and my husband’s words of “thank you”
are still the strength that keeps me going today.
——

I was not alone.

It was precisely because of this child
that I was able to keep trying.

→ Continues to Episode 4: “Meeting a Maternal and Child Counselor—The words spoken to me right after my bereavement”https://editor.note.com/notes/n6471951a022c/edit/

Thank you for reading until the end.

To those who have experienced the loss of a loved one,
to those who have experienced childbirth and bereavement at the same time,
and to those who are currently facing difficulties while raising a baby.

If you would like,
please share your experiences and thoughts in the comments section.

Your words might become a source of support for someone else.
——

▼ Read Kotori Diary from the first episode https://note.com/bold_swift2032/n/n80ed4ba02eff

▼ Continue reading Kotori Diary here https://note.com/bold_swift2032/n/n6471951a022c