At pickup time, a mother said quietly, "Teacher... does my child eat at daycare?"

Her voice was incredibly small.

The mother stopped putting her child's shoes on and said, without looking at me, "At home, they won't eat anything at all..."

I have worked as a childcare provider for nine years. My name is Bob.

I have heard this kind of "quiet remark" from parents hundreds of times.

Those few minutes at pickup.
The last five minutes of a parent-teacher conference.
It comes out the moment a parent finally lets their guard down.

Back then, I was the one saying, "It's okay."

But now that I am pregnant myself, I finally understand.
How much courage it takes to say that "quiet remark" out loud.

I am about to go from being the one "giving advice" to the one "becoming a parent."

This time, I will write about the ten most common consultations I have actually received in the childcare field.

I won't make this about "do this to solve it!" There is no single right answer to raising children.
Instead, I want to properly write about why those worries arise.
I want to focus on the situation that mothers and fathers are currently in.

I would be happy if your heart, as you struggle with the same things, feels even a little lighter.

👩 If you want to know more about me, click here

1. Worries about baby food and toddler meals (picky eating, playing with food)

"My child won't eat vegetables at all," or "They walk around and won't focus on their meal."

I received this consultation so many times.

When you open Instagram, what jumps out at you is...
colorful plates. Photos of smiling faces after finishing a meal.
"#BabyLedWeaning #EatingWell".

And then, my child right in front of me is throwing broccoli on the floor.
A meal that took 30 minutes to make falls to the floor in 3 seconds.
You end up blaming yourself, thinking, "Is it the way I'm making it?"
(That's not it, you know.)

That emptiness of throwing away the meal you worked so hard to make.
That heavy feeling the moment you scrape it into the drain with a spoon.
It's exhausting, isn't it?

That's why mothers ask at pickup time.
"Does my child eat at daycare?"

The moment I answer, "They worked hard and ate one bite today!"
A look of relief and a look of slight frustration appear on the mother's face at the same time.
I will never forget that complex expression.

Just one thing from me.

For a child, whether mealtime is "fun" or not.
Actually, that is the most important thing.

The sight of you eating with enjoyment.
That alone is more than enough food education.

2. The anxiety of potty training not progressing

"So-and-so is already out of diapers," or "My child hates the toilet at home."

For some reason, potty training tends to be seen as a "result of the parent's efforts."

You work on weekdays.
You have to push forward with potty training in the limited time on weekends.

"I don't want things to get dirty," "I don't want to increase the laundry." You have those honest feelings, don't you? Yet, the pressure from those around you saying "you need to get them out of diapers soon" is relentless.

Things were going well, but then one day, they suddenly went back to diapers.
That feeling of shoulders slumping in disappointment, thinking, "Back to square one..."

In the childcare setting, that is a common occurrence.

Just one thing from me.

Taking one step forward and two steps back.
That is perfectly okay.

There is no "correct speed" for potty training.
I hope you will accompany your child at their own pace.

3. Disrupted sleep rhythms (struggles with getting them to sleep)

"They won't go to sleep at night," or "The night crying is so bad that I'm not getting enough sleep."

You get home. You make dinner. You give them a bath.
Before you know it, it's 9:00 PM.

From here, the bedtime routine begins.
For you, this is today's final hurdle.

You read three picture books, sing a lullaby, and pat their back.
...Wait? Their eyes are still wide open. (Please, just go to sleep...)

I understand that feeling.
Because if your child doesn't sleep, your own "few hours of free time" disappear.

It makes you frustrated, doesn't it?
But that frustration isn't directed at your child.
It's a cry for help because your own body and mind have reached their limit.

Honestly, even I feel a bit anxious now when I imagine putting my own child, who is yet to be born, to sleep.

Just one thing from me.

Children sleep well when they feel secure.

Holding them.
Patting them.
Sleeping beside them.
Your warmth is the ultimate sleep aid for a child.

4. No words, or delayed speech

"Children the same age are talking so much, but my child only says single words."
"They seem to understand what I'm saying, but they don't speak..."

There are individual differences in development.

...You know that in your head, don't you?
But when you see the "averages" and "benchmarks" written in parenting books or online, you can't help but compare.
That's just a parent's heart.

"Maybe I didn't talk to them enough."
I've even seen mothers blame themselves for everything.

Even though it could be the environment.
Even though it's overwhelmingly often not your fault at all.

Just one thing from me.

I believe that children who are slow to speak are simply in the middle of storing up words in their heads right now.
That is what I think.

Please keep talking to them a lot every day.
Once they've stored enough up, one day they'll start chattering away.

5. Trouble with friends (hitting, biting)

"It seems my child hit a friend..."
"Conversely, I'm worried because they are always the one being hit."

Having your child become the "aggressor."
This is something very frightening for a parent.

Your relationship with other moms might break.
You blame yourself, thinking, "They became violent because my parenting is bad."

But you know,
for children at an age where they can't express themselves well yet, the only way they have to convey their feelings is to "hit" or "bite."

As a developmental stage, it's perfectly normal.
Yet, you become overly sensitive because you're worried about how others see you.

The moment your child hits someone at the park, you check the other mother's expression.
In the car on the way home, you whisper "I'm sorry" over and over.

Being in the field, I have felt many times that the current child-rearing environment is just too stifling.

Just one thing from me.

Biting is a child's way of 'asserting' themselves.

By saying, 'You didn't like it when they did that to you, did you?', you are speaking for their feelings.
That alone creates a sense of security in the child that they have been 'accepted'.

6. How to deal with smartphones and video viewing

'They only want to watch YouTube'
'They throw a tantrum when I try to make them stop'

Relying on videos to get housework done.
Relying on videos so you can take a short break.

You know that 'letting them watch too much isn't good'.
But you can't get the housework done without it, can you?

Just for the 15 minutes I'm doing the dishes.
Just for the 30 minutes I'm making dinner.
...that was the plan, but before I knew it, an hour had passed.

Caught between guilt and reality, you are constantly going in circles.

There aren't enough helping hands from adults.
That's why you have no choice but to rely on a 'digital babysitter'.

That is not your fault.

Just one thing from me.

If you suddenly make them stop watching videos for the sake of adult convenience, it triggers a tantrum.

Give them a heads-up by saying, 'We'll be done after this video.'
If they know when it will end, it becomes easier for the child to switch tasks.

7. Throwing things

'It's dangerous when they throw toys'
'They won't stop no matter how many times I tell them'

Actually, for a child, 'throwing' is like a science experiment.

If you throw it, it flies. If it drops, it makes a sound.
It rolls. It hits the wall and bounces back.

It's interesting, isn't it? Simply put, from a child's perspective.

But when they throw toys inside the house, you are afraid they will get hurt.
You stop them by saying "No!", but the child repeats it no matter how many times you say it.

Actually, this is the pitfall.
The adult's reaction itselfwhen you get angry or stop them becomes a fun game for the child.

(Saying "No!" -> they don't stop -> you say "No!" again.
Does that loop sound familiar?)

Just one thing from me.

Keep things that are okay to throw (like balls or soft items) nearby.

Often, once they are satisfied after throwing them a few times, they stop naturally.
The trick is not to deny the "desire to throw" itself.

8. Only child: Worried if they are doing well in a group

"Since they don't have siblings, I'm worried if they are doing well in a group."
"Are they becoming selfish?"

There is no one at home to be a "partner for learning social skills."
That anxiety easily leads to overprotection and over-interference.

Even when you see them playing with friends, your eyes inevitably go into worry mode, thinking, "I wonder if they can take turns properly" or "I wonder if they can be patient."

Are you blaming yourself somewhere, thinking, "Maybe social skills aren't developing because of how I'm raising them"?

Just one thing from me.

When they come to school, the children played, fought, and made up almost every day.
They cry over fighting for a toy.
Five minutes later, they are playing together.

Through that repetition, they are properly learning social skills.
In their own way, the children are struggling every day.

It's okay.
They are growing up just fine.

9. Cannot separate from parent (mother-child separation)

"In the morning, they cry and cling to me forever."
"It makes me feel sorry to leave them at daycare."

I have heard this so many times.

The child has their own anxiety.
But actually, the parent's guiltis much greater.

"Is it necessary to work even if it means making my child feel lonely?"
I have seen many parents who had this hesitation during the period just after returning to work.

At the daycare entrance, I hand over my clinging child to the teacher and walk away without looking back.
I reach the parking lot and grip the steering wheel, but I feel torn, unable to let go.

Your "hesitation" syncs with your child's anxiety, making it even harder to part ways.

Having said that, it's painful when they cry "Mommy!" right in front of you, isn't it?
Of course it is.

Just one thing from me.

Actually, children often only cry forthat momentwhen you leave.

Once they are held by the teacher and enter the classroom,
it was an everyday occurrence for them to be "in a perfectly good mood!"

While you are worrying, your child is perfectly fine.
(I might get yelled at for saying this, haha)
But it's the truth.

10. Parents' own frustration and parenting fatigue

"I ended up yelling harshly at my child"
"I'm always frustrated and it's painful"

This is the deepest issue of all.
And it was theconsultation that required the most couragefor parents to confide in me.

"Since I'm a mother, I have to do it right."
"Since I'm a father, I have to be strong."
Who decided that?
This curse of "I have to do it right" is slowly cornering you.

Facing your child from morning until night.
Waking up to their crying in the middle of the night.
Having zero time for yourself.

Even though there is no such thing as a "perfect parent," you corner yourself with that illusion.

There is no one to say "help me" to.
Carrying everything on your own, continuing to face your child alone.
The term "isolated parenting" is no laughing matter.

Just one thing from me.

A parent's emotions are transmitted to their child in a surprising way.

That is exactly why it is okay to take a break sometimes.
No, pleasedo it.

You don't have to be perfect.

If you think, "I got angry again today," it's enough to just look at their sleeping face that night and think, "I'm sorry."

The fact that you can do that means I think you are already more than enough of a good mother or father.

Finally, from the side that gives advice to the side that becomes a parent

For nine years, I was the one saying, "It's going to be okay."

But now, carrying a life inside me, I realize something.

How much courage it took for the parents back then to say those quiet words.

From now on, I will be the one saying those quiet words.

To be honest, I have my anxieties.
Will I be able to do what I've been telling others to do?
There will surely be days when I, who used to say "It's going to be okay," won't feel okay myself.

But you know.

The parents who confided in me during those few minutes at pickup time back then.
I think that by the time they said those words, they were already going to be okay.

The fact that you are worrying means you are facing things properly. That love is reaching your child, too.

That alone is more than enough.

My position will change from now on, but
as a former childcare worker, and as someone who is about to become a mother, I want to say this.

I hope you don't try to carry it all by yourself.

Many of the ten worries listed here stem from losing your composure after giving birth.
How to protect that composure...
There is also an article that summarizes preparations you can make before birth, based on a ranking ofregretsfrom experienced moms and dads.
If you are interested, please take a look at that as well.

If you are feeling that parenting is "tough" right now,
please try writing down how you feel in the comments section of this article.
I would be very happy if you could feel free to interact with me through "likes" or comments.

Let's do this together.

Click here for Bob's self-introduction article👇