Calculating the Time Left with Your Parents

"I'll go back home to visit eventually."
"They seem healthy, so they'll be fine for a while."
—Many people think this way.

However, that "eventually" is much shorter than you think.
I would like you to take a moment to calculate it quietly.

Suppose you visit your parents three times a year.
If your parents live for another 10 years, the remaining opportunities for face-to-face meetings are only 30. In terms of days, this is merely 60 to 90 days.
Realistically, you only spend one or two days together per visit.
In other words, there is a high probability that the "total time" you can spend with your parents is not even 300 days.

We are under the illusion that "being able to meet" is infinite.
But in reality, the countdown has already begun.
It might take a little courage to accept that fact.

It is said that people's biggest regret is "not seeing someone while they still could." This is the one thing that many doctors and caregivers in end-of-life care settings consistently mention.

"I wish I had talked to them more."
"When was the last time I really looked at their face?"
By the time you think that, it is already too late.

There is no "do-over" for this kind of regret.
And the most frustrating part is that it was an action you could have chosen to take.

"I was busy," "the timing wasn't right," "it was somehow hard to reach out"—there are many excuses, but all of them ultimately just mean you "put it off."

We tend to pin our hopes on the distant future.
"I'll visit home leisurely once I retire."
"I plan to show my face during next year's holidays."

But there is no guarantee that the future belongs to you.

You might suddenly fall ill.
Travel might be restricted by a pandemic like COVID-19.
Each time that happens, one more "next time" in life is lost.

And then, you quietly realize: "If I had known it would be the last time, I wouldn't have said goodbye like that."

I want you to take a moment here to specifically imagine "how many times" you have left.

You might only have 10 meals left to share with your mother.
You might only have 30 hours left to talk to your father.

You can probably count on your fingers how many more times you will see them together.

This "quantification" is by no means a cold-hearted way of thinking.
Rather, it gives you the perspective to "truly savor this very moment."

If you think you can "meet again," your conversations will be casual.
If you think you only have "a few times left," your words will carry weight.

The things that are truly important in life usually emerge when we become conscious of their finiteness.

That said, for some people, "going back to their parents' home" or "spending time with parents" is not necessarily a source of happiness. There may be estrangement, conflict, distance, or various other circumstances.
Even so, before closing the door on the relationship, there is meaning in having contact in a way that you find acceptable.

What matters is not the frequency.

It is not about "how many times you met," but "how that one time went."
That is perhaps why deciding to "have a proper conversation just once" can be the catalyst that saves your life.

Try looking at old photos together for the first time in a while, or ask questions you couldn't ask in the past. Try talking to them with the intention of truly sharing your current life.

Each one of those moments becomes not just a "memory," but proof that you are "living in the present."

How many more times can we see our parents?
We do not have the answer to that question. But just by being aware of it, we might find ourselves thinking, "I'll reach out today."

That becomes a substitute for the answer.
And that, in itself, is the quietest choice one can make to avoid regrets in life.

"Next time" might never come.
So, act now. Even if it is just once, that reunion might just change your life.

Things like this, weren't written in the textbooks, were they?

The previous #NotWrittenInTextbooks series was...

Ending Theme "Not Written in Textbooks"