What is the phenomenon called 'I'? (A small record) Mental Sketches I-V
I will be participating in the following project by Canna-san. (^^♪
Kenji Miyazawa's expression 'the phenomenon called I' is not meant to be pretentious or eccentric; it is said to refer to the phenomenon of the ego and self-consciousness—how the very sensation of feeling that I am 'myself' is constructed.
Regarding 'the phenomenon called I,' by superimposing this framework of Kenji Miyazawa's onto the fluctuations of 'emotions' and 'judgments' in my own activities (the content of my posts),
I wonder if the situation (fluctuation) that awakens 'the phenomenon called I' for 'me' feels something like this.
Phenomenon = Intellectual Information Processing Network:
The 'phenomenon' of 'me' is a single flickering node in a hypothesized intellectual information processing network.
Just as Kenji's 'organic alternating current lamp' interacts with landscapes and others, my self constantly consumes energy (data) from external sources such as books, music, art, and science, and shines as an 'illumination' by processing and reconstructing it internally.
Transparent ghosts = Fragments of consumed knowledge:
For 'me,' the 'complex of all transparent ghosts' consists of countless passages from books I have read, melodies of songs I have listened to, colors of paintings I have admired, and fragments of words born from my daily contemplations.
Individually, they are 'transparent' and hard to see, but by being integrated as a complex, they form the unique 'experiential knowledge' that is 'me.'
Flickering of blue and red:
While Kenji's illumination is 'blue,' my illumination flickers in two colors.
One is the 'blue' of experiential knowledge when calmly analyzing science, philosophy, and information theory.
The other is the 'red' of passion for music and the creativity developed in my 'Fantasy Diary,' etc., symbolized by 'Rouge Trafalgar' due to its connection to my pen name.
This point of 'flickering rapidly, rapidly' between blue and red is what creates the dynamism of my activities.
The light bulb is lost, the text is preserved:
Kenji's poetic line 'The light is preserved, that light bulb is lost' might be re-read in my case as 'The text is preserved, that writer is lost'.
The living 'writer' of daily thoughts and emotions flows away and disappears, but the self as a 'text' woven on note remains like light.
This could be called a modern endeavor to externalize the self as a permanent record.
Now, focusing on the consciousness where such 'swaying' was felt, I have created mental sketches in imitation of Kenji (^^♪
■ Mental Sketch I: The Weaver of Texts
The phenomenon called I is
a lone weaver
who taps the keyboard every night
to weave a text named self.
(The warp is fact, the weft is interpretation)
Yesterday's I is revised,
tomorrow's I is still a blank cursor.
With every line added,
the landscape changes its meaning,
and even the past is redefined.
It is a story to be read by others,
and at the same time,
a spell to persuade myself.
I am not the author,
but the manuscript that is never finished.
■ Mental Sketch II: Rouge Trafalgar
The phenomenon called I is
the shock of red fruit
that suddenly scents the air at the Dior storefront.
(The tartness of raspberry and the shadow of patchouli)
Upon the blueprint written in blue ink of intellect,
a single drop of vivid red
spilled as if by chance.
Is it the sweet sentimentality of 80s synth-pop,
or a forbidden memory like a cherry?
Cutting off the chain of logic,
only the sensation exists for certain.
That momentary sparkle,
I am not the perfume bottle,
but the fragrance itself that volatilizes and diffuses.
■ Mental Sketch III: Intersection of Information Networks
The phenomenon called I is
a retinal city
where countless optical fibers intersect.
(Data is light, its path is I)
The torrent of text flowing from Borges' library,
the texture of skin painted by Courbet,
a quantum vertigo like coherence.
All of these race through neurons,
flickering busily, busily,
constructing sections named 'Columns'
and plazas named 'Fantasy Diaries'
quite certainly.
I am not the city itself,
but the traffic of information that is constantly reorganized.
■ Mental Sketch IV: Universe of Contingency
The phenomenon called I is
a box of thought experiments
where Schrödinger's cat lurks.
(Until observed, I am in superposition)
In the inner universe called the body,
several parallel worlds are branching.
The I who becomes a mathematician,
the I who becomes a musician,
the I who becomes a navigator.
They all exist with equal probability,
and every time I peer into the observation device called note,
one world is tentatively chosen.
I am not one fixed self,
but the fluctuation of all possibilities itself.
■ Mental Sketch V: Asymmetric Mirror
The phenomenon called 'I' is
an asymmetrical mirror
that reflects different things on the left and right.
(Light refracts, and the image distorts.)
The right half seeks to reflect the world as it is,
aiming to be perfectly transparent glass,
while the left half seeks to dye the world in its preferred colors,
applying a filter in advance.
Cool analysis and feverish monologue
coexist on a seamless plane,
and the viewer will likely be bewildered by that contradiction.
I am not the image reflected in the mirror,
but the strange seam itself,
the interface of two worlds that never intersect.
▶Reference Material: The Phenomenon Called <I> - One Development of the 'Society and Individual' Problem -
In phenomenology, the 'phenomenon of the self' refers to the 'process of self-awareness' itself—how the subject experiences and assigns meaning to the world.
Specifically, when studying the 'phenomenon of the self,' one first suspends assumptions and judgments regarding external facts through Husserlian phenomenology's 'epoché (suspension of judgment)' and 'phenomenological reduction.'
Then, one observes the phenomena that appear in consciousness to clarify how one's 'ego' and 'consciousness' are formed.