The Path to the Self I Want to Be

One of the things I love is fashion.

In terms of color, white suits me.
In terms of material, denim and cotton suit me.
In terms of shape, big silhouettes and long lengths suit me.

Conversely, what doesn't suit me are primary colors, flimsy fabrics, skin-tight clothes, and jet-black mourning attire 🥷🏿

These are the results of over 30 years of data collection. (Self-researched)


These days, I feel that by aging and getting to know myself while making plenty of mistakes, my 'likes' and what 'suits me' have largely come to align.

For me, fashion is also a tool that lifts my spirits and colors my life more richly.
It is also a tool that lifts my spirits and colors my life more richly.

However, a problem I cannot avoid has emerged in order to wear the clothes I like with the vibe I like.

Changes in body shape due to agingis it.

To begin with, I have always had a deathly complex about my large hips and thick legs, and I truly, deeply hated them.

Even when I went to the beach with a boyfriend, I would always hide with a float or a towel, and I would always walk right beside him or three steps behind because I didn't want him to see my back.

Even now, that remains a complex.
To add insult to injury, due to years of poor posture, I've started gaining weight in places that were previously okay.

This is bad. I have to do something!
I just get impatient, save training routines I'm interested in while scrolling through Instagram, and end the day feeling like I've done something.
Even when I think about training while watching YouTube, the process of 'turning on the TV, launching YouTube, and choosing a video' becomes too much of a hassle, and I can't even keep it up for a week.

Like this, I try my hand at various things, but none of them last. I just need to move, but I can't do it.

And then,

I start to hate my appearance and my personality more and more, thinking, 'I have no willpower if I can't even keep this up... Everyone else is going to the gym or doing yoga and keeping at it... There's no way I can lose weight without making an effort, you loser.'

I hated that cycle so much that I finally started taking personal training online, and two months have secretly passed.

It's not that I want to be skin and bones.
But I want to have better posture, and I want to be healthier in both mind and body. I want to enjoy fashion even more.

Above all, I want to love the only 'me' that I have 🥲

Surely, what I really want to change is
'the me who wants to change but cannot.'

Now, I am doing training while watching videos on days I decide for myself, and trying to be conscious of how I stand, my center of gravity, and my breathing. I am in the middle of accumulating small steps in my own little way and increasing my successful experiences.


I feel like people tend to think I'm a put-together person when I say I like fashion, but I am an incredibly weak-willed, sloppy, and lazy woman, so I would be happy if you could support me 🥹

Today's song is

AAAMYYY / Ano Emi feat. ano

I already liked ano-chan, but I hadn't really checked her out as an artist. I love this heaviness. As mentioned in the YouTube comments, I think anyone who liked YENTOWN BAND, The Brilliant Green, or Cocco will definitely love this world view. It's so cool!