Growth is the moment you become able to forgive what you once could not
In this note, I share content that helps you cultivate the "autonomy" needed to live as you are, simply by reading—based on my own experience of suffering from depression at 15, working desperately to enter society, and eventually achieving a career abroad.You can cultivate the "autonomy" needed to live as you are, simply by reading.I am sharing this.
In the past, there were many things I felt I could never forgive.
Words that hurt me, events where my trust was betrayed, and unreasonable treatment.
I thought the anger and sadness from those times would never fade, no matter how much time passed.
However, I suddenly realized something one day.
Many of the events I felt I "could not forgive" were not caused by the other person's issues, but by my own lack of emotional capacity and my immaturity.
I was someone who demanded perfection, had too strong a desire to be understood, and expected too much from others.
Perhaps people can only see themselves through others.
Every time I felt, "Why would they say that?" or "Why don't they understand me?", I believe my own values and weaknesses were actually being brought to light.
Rather than blaming the other person, if I quietly observed my own reactions, I found the seeds of growth hidden there.
Forgiveness is not about justifying the other person's actions.
It is not about forcing yourself to suppress your emotions by saying, "I don't care anymore."
It is a choice to lighten your own heart.
If you keep holding onto anger and sadness, you will remain stuck in the same place forever.
I believe the act of forgiveness is necessary to let go of the self that is bound by the past.
The moment I felt I had truly "forgiven" was when that event no longer stirred any emotions in me.
I remember being able to think, "Well, perhaps they had their own circumstances," and feeling very calm inside.
I believe that calmness was proof of my growth.
Forgiving is not easy.
But every time you become able to forgive, strength and kindness grow within you little by little.
It is a power not for the sake of others, but to liberate yourself.
When we can forgive others, we finally become able to forgive ourselves as well.
Growth may lie within that chain of events.
Editor's Note
I have always felt uncomfortable with the word "forgive."
Even though I thought I could never forgive the other person, my feelings softened strangely as time passed.
In the end, perhaps forgiveness is not about "forgetting," but about "letting go of attachment."
You cannot change the past, but you can change how you view it!
That is the form of "growth" for me—gradually letting a fresh breeze blow through my heart.
You may have "someone you couldn't forgive" or "an event you couldn't forgive," but I believe your current kindness exists precisely because of those experiences. Forgiveness is the first step toward lightening your own burden!
Please come back to read again tomorrow if you'd like.
I have written a self-introduction about my background and how my life became more enjoyable after encountering the word "autonomy," so if you haven't read it yet, please take a look!
I am currently accepting work! Even if it's just a consultation from a design perspective, such as "Can you do this?" or "I want to try something like this, is it possible to realize it?", feel free to reach out!
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