Short Story | Landscape of Sorrow

“What do you think of this?”
Takagi thrusts a piece of copy paper in front of my eyes. I realized the messy, handwritten lyrics with signs of multiple revisions were a song only because of the line at the very end: “Lyrics and Music by Atsushi Takagi,” written with great care.
“What do you mean, what do I think?”
“No, I mean, this song. I’m going to try playing it.”
Saying that, Takagi starts playing the guitar unhurriedly. His eyes, looking at his hands, are hidden by his bangs. I want to cut them. It’s infuriating that even in a baggy, stretched-out striped long-sleeve shirt and jeans with baggy knees, Takagi, who is tall and slender, somehow manages to look good.
“I thought we would be to-ge-ther for-e-ver, but you are far a-way now, right there—”
Watching Takagi sing while keeping rhythm in a loose, wobbly way, I thought, “This song sounds like something I’ve heard somewhere.” Then it hit me—it’s that, from the old days, Ozaki. I feel like Yutaka Ozaki had a song like this.
After finishing the song with a final strum, Takagi looked at me with expectant eyes.
“How was it? How was it?”
“How was what... why the sudden question?”
“No, I was thinking of performing this on the day.”
“Huh?”
“This is what happened when I turned my honest feelings right now into a song.”
“Are you an idiot? There’s no way we can do this at a wedding. And stop writing songs on your own.”
I was beyond angry; I was dumbfounded, and even beyond that, I started to find it funny.
“Forget about that, we only have fifteen minutes left. Come on, let’s do it, The Carpenters.”
“Hmph.”
Takagi isn’t happy. He’s unhappy that Gen-chan decided to get married so quickly.

It was last month that our mutual friend Gen-chan approached us, asking if we would provide live accompaniment because there was a song he wanted to sing as a surprise at his wedding. We were friends who met in the “Weekday Off Club” community, and although Gen-chan, the central figure, used to organize events frequently, they had decreased drastically since he got a girlfriend.
“Is your girlfriend more important than your friends?!”
Takagi shouted this at Gen-chan during a drinking party, saying the exact opposite of what his girlfriend would likely say, and both Gen-chan and everyone else just gave a bitter smile at Takagi.
“I’m lonely!”
Although we tried to soothe Takagi, who kept shouting, by saying “there, there,” I think everyone actually felt the same way deep down. Gen-chan was like the sun. Everyone, regardless of gender, loved Gen-chan.
However, Gen-chan and his partner decided to get married in no time, and the “Weekday Off Club” effectively ceased to exist. Takagi became even more grumpy.

The song requested was by The Carpenters, a song that was apparently a memory of theirs, whether it was from a movie they watched together or something else, I forgot. Gen-chan’s strategy was to have us, who had band experience, provide the entertainment, while he actually sang to make her cry.
“Why do I have to go along with such a farce?”
Despite complaining a lot, Takagi quietly followed my suggestion to “rehearse at the studio once.” He seems to be practicing at home, so I suppose he has his own kind of sincerity. I thought that, but I never expected him to come up with a strange original song.

Takagi is a mess. He’s a mess, but the energy he has to turn his dissatisfaction into a song is amazing. He says things that aren’t fun aren’t fun, and he doesn’t hide things he dislikes. He also speaks his honest feelings. Regardless of whether it’s a “celebratory occasion,” Takagi is faithful to his own heart. I never even tried to look at my own heart from the start. I never looked at how I truly felt.

But being with Takagi, I start to think, maybe I’m allowed to look at that too.

“...Well, there is definitely a sense of loss. When a friend gets married first.”
“Right?”
Takagi looks at my face happily.
“But we aren’t doing Takagi’s song.”
“Eh—”
“If you want to do it, do it yourself somewhere else.”
“Oh, maybe I can do it on a stream or something.”
With a face that says he just thought of something great, Takagi holds a microphone and starts an air-live performance for an invisible audience.
“Everyone, thanks for listening again today!”
“Who are you talking to?”
Ignoring my bitter smile, Takagi continues. While pretending to be dumbfounded, I was actually a little moved. By a man who can be this much of a fool, Atsushi Takagi.

“I’ll send you a freshly born song. Lyrics and music by Atsushi Takagi, the title is—”
Looking at an invisible camera, Takagi says, making eye contact with the lens.

“Landscape of Sorrow”

At Takagi’s determined expression, something inside me finally snapped. I couldn’t stop laughing.

I started to wonder what would actually happen if we performed this song for real. While laughing, I began to think about that.