I felt better when I stopped keeping a diary | Stepping away is also part of recovery [Panic Disorder]

Don't you ever feel exhausted when you focus too much on the illnesses you're dealing with, like panic disorder?

I've realized that sometimes it's important to step away.

About six months after I developed panic disorder, I started keeping a diary.

I wrote only about things like my daily dizziness and nausea, the shock when I had an attack, and my tension and anxiety.

I thought venting my negative emotions would make me feel better, but it had the opposite effect on me. The more I wrote, the more my mind was filled with panic disorder.

So, I stopped keeping the diary. As a result, the time I spent not thinking about panic disorder gradually increased. It's very simple, really.

I wondered if this way was better for me. Because I thought that, I was honestly anxious when I started this note. I worried, 'Is it okay to have content specialized in panic disorder?'

In the end, I don't have the same sense of unease I had with the diary. Since this is a place where I can organize my thoughts, interact with others, and learn, I'm glad I did it.

Perhaps it was good timing because I had already learned to live with panic disorder to some extent.

I ended that diary after just one or two months, but looking back at it now, I can reflect on how I was thinking back then or see that I've grown at least a little.

Even though I stopped, I realized that keeping it as a record wasn't a waste.

So, for a change, I'd like to forget about panic for a moment and talk about something completely unrelated.😊 (Out of the blue)

Have you ever misread a kanji character?

The scary thing about misreading is that you think you're right, so you only realize it when someone points it out to you.

The feeling of 'I didn't know that!' combined with 'I've embarrassed myself!' is quite a shock.

I can think of three misreadings I've been corrected on in the past just off the top of my head.
Oh, how embarrassing!

There have been other times when I've been watching TV and thought, 'Oh, so that's how you read that...'

But it doesn't seem to leave a strong impression unless someone points it out to me, so I can't remember which kanji they were. It seems I still have plenty of room to embarrass myself.😇

It would be so simple if it were just the alphabet like in English. Trying to have hiragana, katakana, and kanji all at once is just too greedy!

And so, I am taking it out on my past self.

Looking back on it now, well, I was such a fool😅

But somehow, I felt like my heart became lighter.

Since I am secretly trying to "live loosely," I feel like I got a little closer to that looseness by doing something foolish.

By thinking, "Oh, I really am a fool, aren't I," I was able to relax my shoulders a bit.

I thought this might be one way to settle the mind🤔

Oh... I've started thinking about things that lead to recovery from panic disorder again!

I am tackling panic disorder countermeasures from five different angles. As one of those, "settling the mind," I talked this time about intentionally stepping away from panic disorder.

I have written in detail about the other four pillars in this article.

If you found this helpful or relatable, I would be happy if you could press the like button. May we be able to increase our calm moments, even just a little, together!