Even at "Level 99," there is a "1" that I am critically missing.

I have erased all of my past, but

I remembered one more precious memory, so I think I will leave it here.

When I was 15, I had nowhere to belong.

I created a personal website called [Level.99].

There, I used to write poetry.

Feelings that I could not express,

a place to turn them into words and leave them in secret.

[Level.99] was that kind of place.

It was a name I chose because I liked games and was influenced by the songs of that time,
but

the words [Level.99]
felt like they perfectly represented my hollow heart.

In typical RPG games,
no matter how hard you try, the maximum level is '99'.

You cannot raise it any higher than that.

I am sure that no matter how hard I try,
even if I reach the MAX of '99',
I will never become '100'.

And,
that '1' is [you].

Without someone there,
I cannot become '100'.

I thought that I was decisively missing
a '1'.

So, in the end, I remain
a '99' that is still incomplete.

The 15-year-old me used to think things like that.

'I have no one.'

Looking back now,
I think that loneliness from back then
gave me a tremendous amount of words.

My poems, floating against a black background,
somehow kept my own heart connected to this world.

There was one girl who said she liked my writing like that.
The girl who told me 'I'm a fan'
was named HAPPY-chan.

【Level.99】 was a place that seemed far removed from
“happiness.” I wished for happiness, and I prayed for it.

I wished for happiness, and I prayed for it.

Even so, the words I used seemed as if they had been abandoned by happiness.

However, the one who said they liked that place was
HAPPY-chan.

The fact that there was someone who said they liked the poems I wrote.

I had even thrown away that memory.

But, it came back to me all of a sudden.

A follower sent me a DM.
Thanks to that, I was able to recall a precious memory.

“I want you to be HAPPY, Akaneko-chan.”

A very kind, loving message.

Seeing those words,
like magic, the memory of HAPPY-chan came rushing back.

For me, writing is,

simply something I do because I want to write.

I used to think that writing was the only way I could connect myself to this world.
I thought that was the only way I could connect myself to this world.

That is why I thought my "writing" was
nothing more than self-satisfaction.

Just a means to survive.

However.

There were people who said they liked my incomplete words.

The version of me that was writing words at [Level.99].

The version of me that is now writing these words again,
which I hadn't been able to write for so long.

The version of me that, even now that time has passed,
still enjoys the time spent writing words.

I felt as though all of that
had overlapped across time.

The site called "Level.99" is,
of course,
a homepage that I deleted a long time ago.

But, at the very least, this memory...I want to keep it from disappearing again,

so I will give it form and leave it here.