I lost weight in 3 months and broke down in 1 week

Until I, who repeated carbohydrate restriction, rebounding, and self-denial, realized there was something more important than 'wanting to lose weight'

"I never thought I would feel this miserable even though I succeeded in dieting."

This is the true story of how I lost weight through an extreme diet,
and subsequently broke my mind and body.

If you ask women in the world, I think everyone has had an experience with 'dieting' at least once. I was one of them.

I started dieting in earnest right after I got a job.
At the time, RIZAP was popular, and attracted by the phrase 'guaranteed weight loss in a short period,' I paid a considerable amount of money to attend for three months. Honestly, I remember the amount being close to six figures.

As a result, I lost weight within the deadline.
However, the process was more grueling than I had imagined.

I have a personality where once I start something, I become extremely stoic.
The RIZAP training itself was fine, but the dietary restrictions were incredibly strict, and they were fatally incompatible with my personality.

My diet at the time consisted of meat, fish, cabbage, eggs, miso soup, and protein.
Moreover, for three months, I kept eating almost the same things repeatedly.

The trainer told me many times,
'You can eat a wider variety of things,'
'Don't be so biased.'

Even so, I was convinced that 'if I eat even slightly different things, it will all be meaningless.'
Looking back now, I think I was in a somewhat obsessive state.

The diet itself was a success.
But the real hell was waiting for me afterward.

As soon as the program ended, I was struck by an unbearable hunger.
I binged on sweets as if a switch had been flipped, and even though my head knew 'you shouldn't eat this,' I had absolutely no self-control.

I think I probably rebounded in about a week.

My colleagues at work must have been surprised to see me lose weight and then gain it back.

The next thing that tormented me was the gaze of those around me.
'She was thin before,'
'Aren't they thinking I have a weak will?'

Such thoughts would not leave my head, and my mental state deteriorated rapidly.

Furthermore, perhaps due to the extreme restriction of carbohydrates, my motivation and drive also dropped significantly.
At first, my concentration improved and I woke up feeling refreshed in the morning, but gradually, moving my body became a chore.

In any case, I was negative.

Since then, I have continued to repeat dieting and rebounding.
My weight is increasing slowly now, but at that time, both my mental and physical health were at their worst.

I understand now.
How abnormal my methods were back then.

What I got for the high price I paid was mental decline and poor physical health.
I truly think this is what they mean by 'throwing money down the drain'.

However, it was because of this experience that I learned the 'importance of food'.
How important a balanced diet is.
Now that gut health is in the spotlight, I have also come to understand, little by little, the meaning of maintaining a healthy gut environment.

Even now, the desire to 'lose weight' hasn't disappeared.
But I hope that someday, I can replace it with the desire to 'become healthy'.

Now, I understand
that what was most broken by that diet
was not my body shape or my weight,
but my 'way of thinking'.

From here on,
I will write honestly about why I pushed myself so hard.
And what I value now to ensure I don't repeat the same mistakes.

Why extreme dieting broke my heart, and the different path I would choose now

I think now that what was most broken by extreme dieting was not my body, but my 'mindset'.

At the time, I truly believed that 'there is only one correct way to diet'.
Carbs are evil.
If you don't follow the rules, everything is a waste.
If you stray even once, it's a failure.

I was completely dominated by that all-or-nothing thinking.

This way of thinking looks stoic and serious at first glance.
But in reality, it was just wearing my heart down.

If I ate even a little something unplanned,
I would blame myself, saying,
'It's all over now',
'It was all for nothing'.

As a result, I would think, 'Well, if it's ruined anyway...', and eat everything at once.

I understand now.
That binge eating wasn't because I had a weak will.
It was a reaction to restrictions that were too severe.

Neither a person's body nor their mind can endure being in a state of constant tension.
It's the same as a stretched rubber band suddenly snapping one day.

What I lost through carbohydrate restriction

At the time, I could only see 'losing weight'.
But there were things I lost in exchange for losing weight.

・The joy of eating
・Peace of mind
・The natural desire to move my body

What I remember most is the feeling that my motivation had completely drained away.
My body felt heavy even when I woke up in the morning.
I couldn't summon the feeling of wanting to work hard at anything.
I felt depressed for no reason.

At the time, I didn't think it was the effect of carbohydrate restriction.
'Because I am weak'
'Because I lack grit'
That's how I pushed myself even further.

But I understand now.
There is no way to stay positive when you are low on energy.

The hardest part about rebounding

There was something even more painful than gaining the weight back.

It was the fact that I kept comparing my 'thin self' to my 'fat self'.

Once you have the experience of losing weight,
you find it impossible to forgive yourself for being in a heavier state.

I worried about what others thought.
'What are they thinking about me?'
'Maybe they're laughing that I'm back to how I was.'

But in reality, the person looking at me with the harshest eyes
wasn't someone else, but myself.

Body shape = Value
I had unconsciously created that equation.

If I could do it again, I wouldn't do the same thing

If I could speak to my past self now, I think I would say this.

'You don't have to rush so much.'
'Your life won't fall apart if you eat properly.'
'Whether you lose weight or not, your value doesn't change.'

The me of today
doesn't aim for perfection.
Even if I overeat one day, I don't try to cancel it out.
I prioritize my physical condition and mood above all else.

I only focus on this.

Since I started paying attention to my gut environment and nutritional balance,
my mood began to stabilize before my weight did.

It's strange, but
when my mind is calm, extreme cravings naturally decrease.

From 'I want to lose weight' to 'I want to be healthy'

To be honest, even now, the desire to 'lose weight' hasn't completely disappeared.

But what is decisively different from before
is that I no longer make it my top priority.

Being healthy.
Being able to spend my days in a good mood.
Not having to fear food.

I no longer want to lose weight at the expense of those things.

It was only because I took a detour through extreme dieting that I finally realized this.

What I really wanted
was not a thin body,
but perhaps the feeling of being able to live with peace of mind.